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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate it when friends and family ask me for legal advice?

156 replies

FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 10:48

I’m a solicitor. This is something that has always bugged me but it seems to be happening a lot right now.

I feel like every time I speak to friends and family someone asks me for legal advice. Usually on the area of law in which I practice, but not always (I know as much about family law as the next person...).

I hate it. I mean I have nothing against helping people out if I can but I find it stressful and to be honest cheeky as fuck.

What if my advice is incorrect? I rarely know the full background to the issue at hand. I haven’t read the documents you’re referring to. I had a rare day off the other day and my mum phoned me to ask for advice ffs. It sounds stupid but it’s really getting to me!

I have a doctor friend who unsurprisingly has the same issue.

Please. Stop doing it.

OP posts:
StressedTired · 04/04/2021 10:59

I can understand it's annoying, but isn't this just how life works? One person wants to know about something, they ask someone who knows about it. If it's that you're not being paid that annoys you then just don't do it anymore. Next time someone asks tell them you are off duty and they should make an appointment, they'll soon get the message. Personally, when friends and family ask me for advice relating to my work I feel proud and valued.

Chocolateismakingmefat · 04/04/2021 10:59

Sorry it's my day off....
Repeat as necessary...

Imnotbent · 04/04/2021 11:00

Me too, regularly in my area of work as if I have the answer off the top of my head. No thought of the time it takes for research, form filling, submissions. I’ve even been asked to represent. Never received anything in return. Last year someone asked me to help prepare something for court, it was complicated, took a lot of time and the court awarded her a very large settlement. Only afterwards she said she was so grateful because the solicitor her barrister used was going to charge over 3k for that piece of work. I need to learn how to say no.

My sister is a tax inspector she is asked for tax advice all of the time. My uncle is an accountant, not so many people ask him for free advice though.

Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 11:00

It’s not about being paid for the advice. It’s about being worried about giving the wrong advice. It’s also about not wanting to talk about work 24/7.

OP posts:
Angeldust2810 · 04/04/2021 11:01

I am also a solicitor but do not do family law. My BIL asked me “When are you going to write my will then?” My response - never.

Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 11:02

Angeldust I get that all the time. They’d be as well writing it themselves.

OP posts:
trinibrit · 04/04/2021 11:03

I tell people my insurance will not cover any legal advice I give ad hoc but if they would like to make an appointment during office hours I will bill them at a “friends and family rate” which is a bit cheaper for them but means everything is above board. It separates out the chancers from those who really need advice.

ButIcantsitonleather · 04/04/2021 11:03

@FixxerUpper

It’s not about being paid for the advice. It’s about being worried about giving the wrong advice. It’s also about not wanting to talk about work 24/7.
Then just say that. Or something like “I wouldn’t like to say.” And repeat it.
Wotsnewpussycat · 04/04/2021 11:04

I'm a Nurse- I get the same thing from family and friends- I think people mean well.

SarahBellam · 04/04/2021 11:08

Can you not just say, “Sorry, I’d be scared of giving you the wrong advice without knowing the whole background and it’s my day off today so the last thing I want to think about is work. Want to have a chat about it on Tuesday? I can offer you a mates rates discount of 10% off but don’t tell anyone or they’ll all want advice haha”.

ladysunshine · 04/04/2021 11:09

Tell them you are "unable to advise unofficially as it leaves you liable to legal action".

Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 11:10

I do need to be better at saying no or diverting. I find it very difficult I don’t like to not help and I don’t want people (who don’t understand how it works or how complex it all is) to think I’m being tight or weird or mean. Especially people like my mum, you know?

OP posts:
Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 11:10

I feel like it puts me in a really awkward position.

OP posts:
LondonMiss · 04/04/2021 11:11

I work in IT and know you’re pain! Even people I haven’t spoken to in years start up a random chit chat then boom my laptop.. phone broadband issue

DayBath · 04/04/2021 11:12

I think you're being harsh. We all do it,

Car trouble - I wonder if Bob can point me the right direction
Cat been sick - Jodie is a veterinary nurse. Maybe she knows if it's worth a trip to the vet or if I should wait
Tesco doesn't have any pie crusts in stock - I'll ask John to look out for some on his next shift at the neighbouring Tesco

Unfortunately your career involves a little more detailed advice than others, but it's perfectly normal for friends and family to check with each other for help on all sorts of things. The issue is your boundaries. It would be perfectly reasonable to say something like "I think this time you'd have to get a property lawyer to look into that, I can recommend one if you like". Or maybe "it's a bit too specific for me, you need more specialist advice", or even "that's quite a complex issue so I would have to look into that on work time as I really don't know off the top of my head, my prices are X".

The issue isn't people asking for help, the issue is you not being able to manage their requests properly. Once you start defining what you can and can't help with it gets easier. There may even be times when you can very quickly help with no trouble, for example if they want to a recommendation for another solicitor or something simple.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 04/04/2021 11:14

Advising in those circumstances has to be a breach of loads of the SRA code, plus what PP said about not being insured. So by doing it you could be risking your practising certificate and hence livelihood.

When people ask me, if it's something I actually know about I explain what the law says in general terms, say I can't actually advise them, and point them towards appropriate resources/find a solicitor tool.

Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 11:16

DayBath I see where you’re coming from but I really don’t do that. People don’t like it. I’ve never met anyone who likes it anyway. “Could you just...” mentality

OP posts:
mrsmalcolmreynolds · 04/04/2021 11:16

As for your mum, maybe it's time to bring it home to her and ask whether she really wants to potentially lose you your job?

MaLarkinn · 04/04/2021 11:17

I'm an Accountant and I get this. Of course if it's a quick one I'll help, otherwise they get told to ring the office!

AmyLou100 · 04/04/2021 11:18

Yanbu I get you. I worked in investment banking. The amount of people who thought I could get them a bank loan, mortgage advice, better rates on anything Confused.
My db is a solicitor as well and gets this alot.

ceeveebee · 04/04/2021 11:19

I am an accountant and work in a large multinational finance department. Always used to get asked questions about tax returns, inheritance tax or even pensions etc - so I always just say sorry, not the kind of finance I know anything much about, you’ll need to get yourself some proper advice from the right sort of accountant. To be honest though I’m pretty good at saying no to people!

Goleor · 04/04/2021 11:19

Just tell them giving advice in those circumstances could cost you your job and registration (no idea of what the correct term is here sorry) you unfortunately do have to be firm with cheeky fuckers

TheViewOutsideMyWindow · 04/04/2021 11:20

I'm a barrister and get the same. I remind the asker that I'm a specialist and not qualified to give "general" legal advice. They tend to stop asking. If they don't, I make the point that I can't advise as I'm not insured. If there is a real issue there I might suggest they see a solicitor, but this is friendly advice, not legal advice.

Whammyyammy · 04/04/2021 11:21

My sister is a Vet, she tells neighbours she is an admin assistant. At her first home, neighbours knew her profession, over the 3 years she lived there, she must of had every local pet brought to her door to be looked at.

One neighbour who she didn't know even knocked her door at 3am, demanding she look at her poorly dog, my sis gave her the info to a 24hr vets locally, and was aggressively told that the vets would be too expensive at this time and my sister had a duty of care to look at their dog and if she didn't she would report her.

Macncheeseballs · 04/04/2021 11:22

Isn't being part of a community helping each other with bits and pieces according to our skill sets? Am I allowed to ask a gardener for gardening advice?