To really hate it when friends and family ask me for legal advice?

[FixxerUpper]

I’m a solicitor. This is something that has always bugged me but it seems to be happening a lot right now.

I feel like every time I speak to friends and family someone asks me for legal advice. Usually on the area of law in which I practice, but not always (I know as much about family law as the next person...).

I hate it. I mean I have nothing against helping people out if I can but I find it stressful and to be honest cheeky as fuck.

What if my advice is incorrect? I rarely know the full background to the issue at hand. I haven’t read the documents you’re referring to. I had a rare day off the other day and my mum phoned me to ask for advice ffs. It sounds stupid but it’s really getting to me!

I have a doctor friend who unsurprisingly has the same issue.

Please. Stop doing it.

Another accountant here - FD in manufacturing, so not in practice.

Mind you, I am treasurer of 2 charities - so I didn't avoid everything!

I know what you mean about wrong advice. Just politely say that you wouldn't know off the top of your head (or that it's not your field, if that's the case!), and maybe point them in the right direction?

I'm an optician, and one of my friends sent a FB msg asking about her symptoms to be at about 8.30am, I didn't see it until after work and felt awful because my advice was 'go to A&E ASAP' (and told her off for not seeking advice when I didn't respond). She had a detached retina and has vision loss because of it- if she had gone straight away she may have saved that vision.

No matter what your job is, people make assumptions and will ask your ‘assistance’. Whether it’s legal, medical, staff discount at a shop, anything. People always try it on

I do feel your pain @FixxerUpper (Well by proxy anyway!) My DH is very good at I.T. He got SO sick of people expecting him to be their 24/7 I.T. support, that he sent a blanket message out to everyone who had ever asked, (and any one who asked AFTER that,) to say he was no longer doing it, because it was taking up so much of his free time because so many people were asking him.

He must have had a dozen people ask over several years, and not ONE person offered to pay.

A relative of mine plays in a band, (amateur/semi-pro, not famous or anything, but they do gigs and get paid for them,) and they get LOADS of people who know them/their families, asking, (no, EXPECTING!) them to perform for free.

Ditto a friend of DD's who is an artist, and a bloody good one. She sells pictures she draws of people pets, and their houses, (and will attempt to draw anything they want.) The amount of people expecting her to do pictures for free is farcical.

People say 'it will help raise your profile, and is 'good exposure.' Funnily enough, 'good exposure' doesn't pay the rent and bills!

My SIL used to work in social housing, and barely a week went by without someone asking if she could get them a house. Even people who rarely spoke to her usually, and had fuck-all to do with her most of the time. She said 'I can't even get MYSELF a social housing property, let alone anyone else!'

Finally, someone I know has a job doing proof-reading for a major publishing house, and she keeps getting asked if she can 'run through some documents' and check them over for mistakes. (For free obviously.)

After about a year of this, she started to say she is not allowed, as she is contracted to the company, and will get in trouble if she does any work outside of it. 'Well not if you do it for free' they would say woefully. She said 'nope, I still can't do it.' Fucking cheek LOL.

Maybe you could try that @FixxerUpper telling people you are contracted to legally to your employer, and CANNOT give them legal advice, as you're not allowed. If they're obtuse enough to think they should get advice (and time) for free, from a person who has worked hard to get to that position they're in, then they're obtuse enough to believe the bullshit that you're NOT ALLOWED to do it for them. (for free.)

My DH is a retired commercial Architect and he gets it too. No, he isn't your home planning adviser!! In any case, if he gives advice to people he can be sued as a professional. So he politely declines. It doesn't always go down well though.

I am a doctor. People ask all the time. If I know I will give me opinion (making it clear it is an opinion) if I don’t I will direct them to the right person. If I don’t want to give advice I make a joke and we move on. It’s not a big deal. I am not prescribing them anything or writing referral letters in the same way you are not drawing them up contracts

But don't you always give half an hour free?

It depends on how well you know the person as to whether it's cheeky. I wouldn't think your mum was at all cheeky to run it past you, but the friend who hasn't spoke to you for ages messaging out of the blue and then asking is definitely.

Reading these I think it’s fine to give advice in an ad hoc way when it’s your area of expertise, however, and totally my own fault, mine has snowballed into actual work. Sometimes I’ve been happy to help but listening to other posters has made me realise I need to draw the line early on.

YANBU. At all.

Ex vet nurse here and I used to have to turn my phone off some days as the CONSTANT messages for advice were draining. I worked 70+ hr weeks and then was expected to give advise in all of my down time too. Baring in mind it a physically, mentally and emotionally draining job.
I didn’t mind helping with the odd bit of course, I bandage my friends animals up a couple of times as a put me on through the middle of the night, but when it’s from people who otherwise would never contact me, no!
The worst thing was in addition to this, I would routinely tell people “unfortunately you need to see/speak to a vet for this” which was always met with sustain as they didn’t want to pay for veterinary advice/treatment, but yanno - I’m not a vet.

My SIL is a doctor but I’ve never asked her for medical advice. I wouldn’t feel comfortable.

Isn't this the norm? I'm get asked about tax returns etc all the time, no problem.
Every lawyer, dentist, nurse will get the same surely?

I'm a midwife and get this regularly.

I don't mind if it's a good mate or family.

It's usually distant acquaintances that take the piss though.

Ask for an invoice address and charge accordingly, say it's not informal. Should see a change in matters for you.

@trinibrit

I tell people my insurance will not cover any legal advice I give ad hoc but if they would like to make an appointment during office hours I will bill them at a “friends and family rate” which is a bit cheaper for them but means everything is above board. It separates out the chancers from those who really need advice.

This is a perfect response.

But don't you always give half an hour free?

Yeah, right. I used to do that as a Business Adviser until I realized I was giving out free advice to all and sundry and not getting paid work. There has to be a limit.

I am a solicitor and get this all the time. The worst was when i went for a massage - a treat from my mum as she thought I looked stressed and tired and the woman doing the massage kept asking me about her legal problem. In the end I had to say that I had come due to stress from work and if she expected free legal advice I expected a free massage - to be fair she apologised and shut up

Just say no, although I would help my immediate family with the caveat they also need to pay for advice if neccessary from someone else, but would chat through something with them. Extended family and friends though, no. DH is in a similar position where people crawl out of the woodwork when they want his help and advice on something to do with his job, he just says he's not at work.

How dare they ! Bet you would never ask for medical advice if your cousin was a Doctor, ask the best flea treatment if your Auntie was a vet or ask your Niece the best way to cook Duck if she was a Chef. Your time must be so bloody precious, hope you never any kind of help form a family member.

I was persuaded by my sister to help her latest partner with a pretty big issue in my line of work. It eventually involved me in three long distance meetings. He too won a large payout and didn't actually let me know-another relative told me quite some time later. I had no interest in his money but a thank you and some flowers would have been nice.

I work in a role associated with infectious diseases-no one asked me anything until the last year or so

I think it depends.
General legal advice about your area of work (eg if you are an employment law specialist, and they ask 'are they allowed to do this' or whatever) is different to "I am in x situation and need specific, specialist legal advice about y topic".
Can you tell them you are not allowed to advise family?

I've not practised for over 10 years, and I still get this. I don't mind very close friends asking a quick question or a bit of advice, but a couple of years ago I was on holiday and had a friend email me for urgent advice about a lease she was taking on. She expected an immediate answer, and the real cheek of it was that she openly said she was asking me because she thought the (perfectly reasonable) fee her solicitor was charging was more than she wanted to pay.

Wow. This must be so annoying, especially on your day off.
I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do.

@Imnotbent

I wish I had thought of the insurance one, although I do say this is advisory only. It’s also often a drip feed of can you advise on this, which then turns into can you help on this? Or it turns out to be a lot more complicated. I have started to say no when it turns to help but really only since I felt totally taken advantage of.

I wouldn’t ask a friend or relative for a free haircut, a massage, to hang doors in my house or service my car. Although @Wotsnewpussycat my mother was a nurse and I can recall many a child lying on her kitchen table having butterfly stitches or wounds tended to etc.

Absolutely and I can't switch off Nursing whether on duty or not. It's nice to help people 😊 xx

Oh gosh, I'd think nothing of asking one of my lawyer friends for free advice if I was confused about something. I hope they'd ask me for free advice in my area of expertise too.

But I'd also think nothing of saying or hearing, "You know, it can actually get quite complicated, so it would take longer than you'd think to get that kind of thing right and I don't have the spare time for that, I'm afraid. But if you want to make a proper appointment, XYZ at our firm is very good at this sort of thing." (I don't work with friends or do mates rates - too many pitfalls!)

Trying looking up "ask vs guess culture".