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AIBU?

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Original poster

To really hate it when friends and family ask me for legal advice?

156 replies

FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 10:48

I’m a solicitor. This is something that has always bugged me but it seems to be happening a lot right now.

I feel like every time I speak to friends and family someone asks me for legal advice. Usually on the area of law in which I practice, but not always (I know as much about family law as the next person...).

I hate it. I mean I have nothing against helping people out if I can but I find it stressful and to be honest cheeky as fuck.

What if my advice is incorrect? I rarely know the full background to the issue at hand. I haven’t read the documents you’re referring to. I had a rare day off the other day and my mum phoned me to ask for advice ffs. It sounds stupid but it’s really getting to me!

I have a doctor friend who unsurprisingly has the same issue.

Please. Stop doing it.

OP posts:
Imnotbent · 04/04/2021 18:44

@MrsPinkCock do people ask you for employment advice and expect you to help or tell them what the outcome should be?

StrandedStarfish · 04/04/2021 18:45

@ItsSoFanny

That’s a whole different thread!

listsandbudgets · 04/04/2021 18:50

@forinborin DP also works in a pretty niche area of software development but that does not stop everyone asking him to "just take a quick look at my wireless connection problem" or "can you look at my laptop its really slow on start up"

He does quite a bit of stock market trading too. He kept getting whatapps from various school parents while the game stop saga was going on asking if he thought they should invest, how much, when and in what else. One even had the audacity to ask if he could share a list of his recent trades with her so she'd have an idea where to begin - he told them all it was best to do their own research!

Spaceprincess · 04/04/2021 18:53

Yep, im a very specialised HCP (think for example, child development specialist but not that) and I've been in that role more than 20 years. I get random FB messages from family/friends asking me advice about their bad back, or what they should expect after a specific operation.

Missfelipe · 04/04/2021 19:19

I feel your pain. I declined to provide advice to my own mother who actually said when I didn’t want to get into something for her, ‘I’m not asking for your advice, I just want you to read this new employment contract and tell me what to do’🧐. There are many people who won’t ask, or at least understand that it’s awkward, and there are those like my mother who would probably go all guns blazing into her employer to tell people she had spoken with her lawyer i.e. me...she was furious but I know sod all about employment law!

EveWasReframed · 04/04/2021 19:21

Don't ever work for the Council

Newestname001 · 04/04/2021 19:32

@FixxerUpper

I’m a solicitor. This is something that has always bugged me but it seems to be happening a lot right now.

I feel like every time I speak to friends and family someone asks me for legal advice. Usually on the area of law in which I practice, but not always (I know as much about family law as the next person...).

I hate it. I mean I have nothing against helping people out if I can but I find it stressful and to be honest cheeky as fuck.

What if my advice is incorrect? I rarely know the full background to the issue at hand. I haven’t read the documents you’re referring to. I had a rare day off the other day and my mum phoned me to ask for advice ffs. It sounds stupid but it’s really getting to me!

I have a doctor friend who unsurprisingly has the same issue.

Please. Stop doing it.

OP I don't know your location - but if, for example in England or Wales don't you stand a chance of having your SRA certification revoked if you provide ad hoc, non-contractual/uninsured advice and give incorrect advice which you are liable for? And, if you work for a law firm, are they likely to be understanding about this?

Would you be able to use these considerations to put off people who try and get free legal advice from you - particularly in an area not your legal specialty?🌹

eurochick · 04/04/2021 19:39

It doesn't really bother me but I'm rarely any use. I specialise in international law. I'm no use at all on divorces or garden boundaries but I was able to set a few people straight in Brexit debates...

iMatter · 04/04/2021 19:51

I work in a really niche area of law and have done so for over 20 years.

I have been asked loads of questions about conveyancing, wills, family, pensions, corporate etc from friends and various random folk. Unless it's my specialty (never is) I say "Sorry that's not my area of expertise, best you consult a specialist. I'd hate to give you incorrect/out of date advice"

whatwherewhywhenhow · 04/04/2021 20:00

Rawlikesushi - I think the fact that a teacher thinks it’s reasonable for a lawyer to give ad hoc advice is evidence of how clueless people are about liability and negligence. It’s completely different - giving your well meaning opinion versus interpreting the law/providing advice based on facts.

MrsPinkCock · 04/04/2021 20:06

[quote Imnotbent]@MrsPinkCock do people ask you for employment advice and expect you to help or tell them what the outcome should be?[/quote]
Yes, it’s happened a couple of times.

I once helped a friend, who was truly desperate, for free. He did the negotiating of a settlement with work and I was in the background helping draft letters etc. I was never on record as acting for him and they never knew (officially) that he had legal advice.

Another friend wanted advice but they paid for it via my firm (at a discount) as it was more complex and had to be dealt with more formally.

I don’t mind so much when it’s in my own area of law as I quite enjoy it, and I’m pretty good at my job so not too worried about screwing up!

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/04/2021 20:28

I've occasionally been guilty of asking for free advice, but always prefaced with a 'tell me to sod off' and usually via email so they aren't on the spot and can say 'sod off' in their own time.
I do kinda think, 'well if you KNOW a neurosurgeon and have a neurosurgery question, ask them, it's daft not to' though...

On the other hand, if asked in person what I do.. I'm a cartoonist.

Ever since I admitted to being a dog behaviour consultant and trainer, whilst being treated in an ambulance for a suspected heart attack (wasn't) and got quizzed by both paramedics on treating their dogs separation anxiety IN DEPTH... they wanted major detail, they were not distracting me from what was going on, im pretty chilled about my duff health and dodgy heart so that wasn't the game.

One asked me if he could email me after his shift, I said "you can but I charge £350" and he said HOW MUCH and that shut him up but then I got filthy looks because 'how dare I'... (its not £350 for a one off session, that covers on average a years worth of support!)

So now.. im a cartoonist and I don't get asked to fix things for free and rarely get asked for free cartoons cos its easy to say 'nah, don't do comissions'.

WildfirePonie · 04/04/2021 20:29

Two options:

  1. Tell everyone that you've changed job, you're now a: insert most boring job ever, that no one ever wants to ask about
  1. Tell everyone that your hourly rate is £50 an hour (is that reasonable)? anyway, and that you only work with part payment up front. Something like £500 or whatever sounds reasonable. Ask them where to send the invoice.

Look after yourself OP, plan something nice for those days off. Make sure your phone is OFF, don't check any emails, nothing. Door bell off too.

It is YOUR FREE TIME, no fker gets to disturb you for free advice! The CFs.

samenwitch · 04/04/2021 20:40

Same, for a few reasons.

One- I have experience with local authority SEN legislation and DWP forms and I am always asked to help people navigate the system. Even people I don't know! People I do know refer them to me as if I'm a charity.

Two- I am always asked to help with history homework or coursework. Parents expect me to provide a full correction and editing service. For free. Because I can, so I should. That seems to be the theory.

forinborin · 04/04/2021 20:43

DP also works in a pretty niche area of software development but that does not stop everyone asking him to "just take a quick look at my wireless connection problem" or "can you look at my laptop its really slow on start up"
What really annoys me is that in all the cases where I said yes, I'll take a look, I was able to sort out the problem - with a little bit of googling. Grin Just like anyone else could, there's absolutely no magic in it, you just keep on trying things / eliminating options until it works!

rawlikesushi · 04/04/2021 20:47

@whatwherewhywhenhow

Rawlikesushi - I think the fact that a teacher thinks it’s reasonable for a lawyer to give ad hoc advice is evidence of how clueless people are about liability and negligence. It’s completely different - giving your well meaning opinion versus interpreting the law/providing advice based on facts.
Hang on. Not completely clueless as have lawyers in the family, including DD. Loads of advice online, including from the Law Society, about how it's possible to have a casual conversation, what to say, to make sure you don't run in trouble. OP is talking about her own mum.
Okbussitout · 04/04/2021 20:55

What the fuck are your friends and family doing to need so much legal advice? I'm not assuming just breaking the law either. But even including property, finance, divorce etc. I still wouldn't expect a group of people to need such constant legal advice!

forinborin · 04/04/2021 20:57

1. Tell everyone that you've changed job, you're now a:insert most boring job ever, that no one ever wants to ask about
I challenge everyone to find a job where people would not ask for free help.
From the top of my head, in my friends circle, of people with niche jobs:

  • A professional research mathematician, an absolute world-class star in his field. Regularly asked to help with year 5 maths homework.
  • A high-energy / nuclear physicist. His neighbour suspected that her gas stove is leaking, and asked if he can come and check for a gas leak, because gas engineers charge a fortune, and he's almost as good as a gas engineer.
  • A vet with a rare specialism (practicing in a zoo, think pythons, elephants etc). She has never had any practice with small domestic animals after the vet school, but still everyone is knocking on her door at every hour of day and night, claiming that she gave a Hippocratic oath to treat every vomiting cat in the neighbourhood.
WhereamI88 · 04/04/2021 22:02

I am crippled with self confidence issues and imposter syndrome. This job has driven me into the ground. I don’t want to help because I don’t want to make a mistake and have people that I care about think I’m crap at my job. I’m also scared of the ramifications of making a mistake

So this is the real problem. I'm a solicitor, as I said earlier. I have absolutely no problem whatsoever telling people I can't help them either because I'd need to research it and I have no time or it has nothing to do with my work or I just don't know. Your problem is you can't admit to people you don't know/are not an expert. Why? If they're that rude, who gives a shit what they think of you?

hitsvilleuk · 04/04/2021 22:10

For me it's all about the questions asked and how well I know the person. If someone asks for a recommendation in a particular medical speciality or something like 'can I drink with this antibiotic' that's absolutely fine and happy to help.
However when a school mum you don't really know or like collars you to check out her 3 year olds possible ear infection and gets cross when you decline it's really annoying. Especially as I am a specialist in adult medicine in a completely different field and funnily enough don't carry an otoscope around with me. She got really narked when I said she probably had as much clue as me ( I hadn't looked in anyones ear since I was a medical student)
I totally get it OP - there is a lot of stress related to giving a half baked opinion when you don't have the facts or the tools. It's not about being precious it's about taking responsibility for what you are advising on.

GizmoBasil · 04/04/2021 22:46

I'm a copper and get this too and it's so annoying. I had someone I hadn't spoken to for 7 years message me saying they heard I was a police officer now and can an ex girlfriend look through my emails. Hmm

I just tell them to call 101 and get their advice.

moochingtothepub · 04/04/2021 23:03

I sorted multiple self assessment forms this year and have arranged dozens of powers of attorney for friends, I also help members of the community with benefits claims sometimes - I see it as helping people, not everyone can afford to pay for help

PegasusReturns · 04/04/2021 23:03

I get this all the time. In the last year I’ve been asked for advice on a broad range of issues many of which fall well outside my area of expertise.

I do try and help close friends, but some people just don’t know when to stop and don’t get me started on the people who want me to countersign or witness documents. I must have done 100s over the years.

If you tell me you’re going to pop round at 10am, for a quick signature, please don’t rock up at 12:20 with a binder with 20+ documents Hmm

HalfGalHalfCake · 04/04/2021 23:11

I'm a lawyer and I charge a £100 up front fee if anyone wants to speak to me at a party.

I also don't have very many friends

Lexilooo · 05/04/2021 08:35

I deal with these queries with a bit of preamble about it not being my area, and it has been a long time since I studied xxxxxx law so I can't really advise. Then (If I can) give a few broad general principles so people feel like they got something, then signpost them to where they can obtain professional advice.

I have a couple of friends that I refer people to, as a personal recommendation really makes people feel better about paying for legal advice and generally they need proper paid representation.