Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate it when friends and family ask me for legal advice?

156 replies

FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 10:48

I’m a solicitor. This is something that has always bugged me but it seems to be happening a lot right now.

I feel like every time I speak to friends and family someone asks me for legal advice. Usually on the area of law in which I practice, but not always (I know as much about family law as the next person...).

I hate it. I mean I have nothing against helping people out if I can but I find it stressful and to be honest cheeky as fuck.

What if my advice is incorrect? I rarely know the full background to the issue at hand. I haven’t read the documents you’re referring to. I had a rare day off the other day and my mum phoned me to ask for advice ffs. It sounds stupid but it’s really getting to me!

I have a doctor friend who unsurprisingly has the same issue.

Please. Stop doing it.

OP posts:
BaseDrops · 04/04/2021 16:55

I either say that’s not my area. Or if they know it is, I suggest they email me with specifics so I can scope it and provide an estimate. Very occasionally I’ve actually ended up with paid work. Like twice. In 25 years.

Ariela · 04/04/2021 16:56

My sister is also a solicitor and simply recommends a friend. 'Well that's not quite my area of expertise but try Jodie Brown at Simper, Moan, and Snivel in the High Street, she'll be able to help or point you in the direction of somebody that can help'
Jodie Brown does the same in reverse.

TastefulLiving · 04/04/2021 16:57

Simper Moan and Snivel has just made my day!

FireflyRainbow · 04/04/2021 17:07

Im not a solicitor but have had the same. My family ask for advice occasionally but I live locally to my office and have had clients stop me while I'm out food shopping to give me a 'quick update' or ask a question. Its so bloody annoying.

Kenneldogsrock · 04/04/2021 17:29

I’m not a solicitor but I work in public health and everyone talks to me about Covid-19 and asks me about it all day every day. It’s not so much the advice /asking that drives me crazy it’s the not having any downtime at all, even on my few days off.

StoneofDestiny · 04/04/2021 17:36

Most professions get this - teachers (floodgates open when you tell them that's your job), doctors (every ailment under the sun divulged), lawyers/solicitors - ('just thought I'd ask etc...).best not to say what you do.

StrandedStarfish · 04/04/2021 17:48

I’m a midwife. I get asked to look after friends daughters / nieces / hairdressers and they expect me to visit them for nine months, at home, at times that are convenient for them, outside of my working hours. I did it for a long time but after the last one didn’t even say thank you after I gave up my day off to go and look after her while she birthed her baby, I now say that I’m not insured.

puffinkoala · 04/04/2021 17:52

It happens to me as well OP. Because you are eg an employment lawyer you are deemed to be an expert in family law or conveyancing or adults-with-learning-difficulties-welfare law, to name but a few.

My father always moaned at me because I paid a solicitor to do my conveyancing and didn't do it myself. Because I wanted a specialist to do it.

But it's really not difficult to explain to people that you are a specialist in x and nothing else, so they need to consult a specialist, and if it is your area, you don't do freebies because you won't be insured if it goes wrong. If people take offence - that their problem.

Froggie456 · 04/04/2021 17:53

A lecturer on my law conversion course use to advise when put in these situations to, say:

“Hold on one moment” and then look at your watch, maybe tap it, press the side and again say “one moment, one moment”

When asked what you are doing, say you are starting your watch for billing purposes...

StrandedStarfish · 04/04/2021 17:54

Before lockdown, when there were still such things as social gatherings, I stopped telling people I was a midwife because I would be told birth stories and asked to explain things that happened to people during their births or blow by blow accounts of perceived problems.

I started telling people I was a sex worker instead. It shuts them up and they move on very quickly.

Changechangychange · 04/04/2021 18:00

I’m a doctor. It doesn’t really bother me when people do this - but over the years, I’ve developed a way of side-stepping giving any actual advice, and just saying “ooh yes, you should definitely get that looked at. What does your GP think to it?”

If people actually wanted a diagnosis and prescription off me, I’d have a lot less patience. Maybe you just need to be less helpful? And answer more like a layman - sympathy rather than advice.

ItsSoFanny · 04/04/2021 18:03

I think this happens to everyone in all jobs and professions, doesn't it? While my profession (artist) is in no way as important(? is that the word I'm looking for??) as a solicitor or doctor, I'm always getting requests for favours - pet portraits and awful pish like that - which I used to do to be nice and I used to have a problem saying "no" but now I just say, sorry, no, I don't do pet or children commissions and I DEFINITELY don't work for free. My husband has quite a "high up" job in Scottish politics, and he occasionally complains that his friends just want to grill him about what's going on at Holyrood.

C'est la vie!

Jangle33 · 04/04/2021 18:04

Just say you have a rule only to help close family/friends. I would hope as a solicitor you’re relatively assertive and as such just help who you want to!

clarepetal · 04/04/2021 18:05

It would piss me off too. Wine

ItsSoFanny · 04/04/2021 18:05

@StrandedStarfish

Before lockdown, when there were still such things as social gatherings, I stopped telling people I was a midwife because I would be told birth stories and asked to explain things that happened to people during their births or blow by blow accounts of perceived problems.

I started telling people I was a sex worker instead. It shuts them up and they move on very quickly.

Don't they then ask for advice about sex? :-)
forinborin · 04/04/2021 18:05

I started telling people I was a sex worker instead. It shuts them up and they move on very quickly.
If you ever come across anyone asking you for professional advice, you must come and tell Grin
A small part of my job is software development in a very niche area. This apparently means that I am an expert on whether a smashed ipad screen can be replaced cheaply (and where) and "hey, our teenage DS had visited a homeschooling site and now there are naked people EVERYWHERE on the screen, and it does not look like Human Biology at all... maybe you can take a look?"

Original poster
FixxerUpper · 04/04/2021 18:07

The people saying I’m up myself or think highly of myself are comically incorrect. In fact the opposite is true. I am crippled with self confidence issues and imposter syndrome. This job has driven me into the ground. I don’t want to help because I don’t want to make a mistake and have people that I care about think I’m crap at my job. I’m also scared of the ramifications of making a mistake.

I do also think it’s cheeky to ask. My job is stressful and I work ridiculous hours. I dont want to worry about non-work in my free time and I make no apology for that.

Just because it’s my mum doesn’t mean any of the above is less true.

OP posts:
MrsPinkCock · 04/04/2021 18:08

I’m an employment lawyer and in recent years I’ve been asked by family and friends to advise on...

Writing a will
Whether a will can be challenged
Whether a landlord can change the terms of a lease (charging extra for communal areas)
How much a claim for dental negligence is worth
A defamation claim
Doing someone’s divorce for them
Suing someone for a badly installed kitchen

I just tell them all I don’t know but I can give a non legal opinion or recommend someone.

YANBU. I don’t know fucking everything!

kirinm · 04/04/2021 18:14

I'm a solicitor and I also get this. I've stopped helping generally but when I've been asked about probate or wills or whatever, I've always googled.

Now I just say 'I don't know anything about X'.

HeronLanyon · 04/04/2021 18:14

mrspink I think I’ve been asked all of those too plus tree preservation orders, water easements across fields, innumerable planning things, whether to settle a will dispute case etc etc. Why never murder or gbh or drugs ?
At my own mothers memorial service one of her friends asked me about a boundary/parking dispute - I seem to remember she started by ‘I know this is a funny time but I haven’t seen you for ages . . . ‘ another friend came and whisked me away.

Changechangychange · 04/04/2021 18:16

Are they just chatting to you about it, or do they actually want documents drawn up?

If the latter then yes that is very cheeky. If it’s your mum asking what you think about the neighbour’s planning application, then yes you are being a bit precious.

therocinante · 04/04/2021 18:21

I think everyone gets this. I do about the industry I work in, so does my DH. So does my sister, who works in a beauty setting, and my dad who works with cars.

I think it's quite normal.

kirinm · 04/04/2021 18:23

There's been a case recently (ish) where an architect who has helped her neighbours with some renovations, was held liable for something - presumably damage but I haven't read the case for a while (sorry, I'm tired and haven't googled). But I often mention that case now as reason not to offer any advice.

Frauhubert · 04/04/2021 18:39

My husband is a barrister. The amount of people asking ME to ask HIM for all sorts of advice is shocking. Recently, our cleaner brought a hundred printed pages and asked ME to ask him to have a ‘quick look’ through them and give her advice about a bicycle accident her husband had...
I feel like a free secretary for his free legal advice bureau charity.

listsandbudgets · 04/04/2021 18:41

My friend's a Paediatrician . She usually gets her husband to take her DCs to children's birthday parties as she found she spent the whole time being asked about children's health problems imagined and otherwise. She does not mind dealing with things that require urgent intervention but when she's not working she needs a break.

Don't do it. Give people downtime.