Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

551 replies

ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 07:51

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 12:57

@Brunt0n

People who police who can answer on Internet forums are hilarious 😂
You can answe, but equally we can tell you you're talking absolute rot and not helping OP one bit.
Sunflowers095 · 04/04/2021 12:58

@ShutUpaYourFace

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids. AIBU? would you be pissed off too?
He should have texted
Whatwouldscullydo · 04/04/2021 12:58

Sorry op but he's a dick.

I hate people who just use occasional to get wasted. I mean as if their duty as best man or the person they are supposed to be celebrating or mourning wouldnt call them a dick for getting So wasted they forgot they had responsibilities and got themselves arrested. Thought most people grew out of that crap when the settled down and had a family.

You cant just opt out of your responsibilities when you feel like it. I.bet when op was supportive and happy for him.to.go she didnt expect it to meant he entire weekend was a wash out.

Its selfish irresponsible and shows a complete lack.of regard for anyone but himself.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/04/2021 13:01

Bloody hell spent the night in a cell? I guess it's a decent excuse for why he couldn't call Shock

ClarkeGriffin · 04/04/2021 13:04

He'd be dead when he turned up home if that was my partner.

What the hell did he get arrested for? How much of a wanker has he been? If he was drink driving, is this stupidity going to affect his job? Or will any offence affect his job?

If you're going to stay with him, then I'd be banning all alcohol from now on and no more trips out with these friends. He can stay at home today, look after his kids with a hangover while you go out for the day too.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:05

@ClarkeGriffin

He'd be dead when he turned up home if that was my partner.

What the hell did he get arrested for? How much of a wanker has he been? If he was drink driving, is this stupidity going to affect his job? Or will any offence affect his job?

If you're going to stay with him, then I'd be banning all alcohol from now on and no more trips out with these friends. He can stay at home today, look after his kids with a hangover while you go out for the day too.

Aw that's great.

Making light of that when the guys friends partner has just died.

Banning alcohol and no more trips out Grin will he be allowed a snack before bed?

SirVixofVixHall · 04/04/2021 13:08

In police cells Shock !! Bloody hell. What on earth was he doing? I would be very, very unhappy about this especially as you have children.

CirqueDeMorgue · 04/04/2021 13:08

@ClarkeGriffin

He'd be dead when he turned up home if that was my partner.

What the hell did he get arrested for? How much of a wanker has he been? If he was drink driving, is this stupidity going to affect his job? Or will any offence affect his job?

If you're going to stay with him, then I'd be banning all alcohol from now on and no more trips out with these friends. He can stay at home today, look after his kids with a hangover while you go out for the day too.

Wow, do you mother your own partner as well? Ew.
Whatwouldscullydo · 04/04/2021 13:09

Making light of that when the guys friends partner has just died

Surely that friend would need someone to support them, help with the kids, sort out admin etc please enlighten us as to how getting so wasted u are useless to your friend and your own family is helpful?

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:10

@Whatwouldscullydo

Making light of that when the guys friends partner has just died

Surely that friend would need someone to support them, help with the kids, sort out admin etc please enlighten us as to how getting so wasted u are useless to your friend and your own family is helpful?

Pardon what does that have to do with anything My point was PP saying her partner would be dead is not in good taste.
ClarkeGriffin · 04/04/2021 13:11

Aw that's great.

Making light of that when the guys friends partner has just died.

Banning alcohol and no more trips out grin will he be allowed a snack before bed?

You think it's fine to lose your job from one stupid decision? Guess you have enough money to not need to work then. The rest of us however do need to. A stupid decision like could quite easily cost me my job, hence why I'm not a selfish twat.

His friends partner dying doesn't give him a free rein to break the law either. Hmm

And yeah since he clearly can't be trusted to be sensible, then he either gets out or agrees to those terms.

CentBoppers · 04/04/2021 13:11

Well I would certainly want to know what he did to end up in custody first
.
Not everything would be OK to just move on from.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:13

@ClarkeGriffin

Aw that's great.

Making light of that when the guys friends partner has just died.

Banning alcohol and no more trips out grin will he be allowed a snack before bed?

You think it's fine to lose your job from one stupid decision? Guess you have enough money to not need to work then. The rest of us however do need to. A stupid decision like could quite easily cost me my job, hence why I'm not a selfish twat.

His friends partner dying doesn't give him a free rein to break the law either. Hmm

And yeah since he clearly can't be trusted to be sensible, then he either gets out or agrees to those terms.

Who said he's going to lose his job? Who said it gave him free rein? My point was joking about your partner being dead was in bad taste.

But by all means gve those terms of you like. Don't be surprised when he runs for the door.

ClarkeGriffin · 04/04/2021 13:13

Wow, do you mother your own partner as well? Ew.

Do you stay with someone who frequently gets pissed and arrested? Ew.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:13

@CentBoppers

Well I would certainly want to know what he did to end up in custody first . Not everything would be OK to just move on from.
Talk about it and move on.

Which part of that is different to what you're saying?

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:13

@ClarkeGriffin

Wow, do you mother your own partner as well? Ew.

Do you stay with someone who frequently gets pissed and arrested? Ew.

Yes, becuase those are the only two options here.
Sansaplans · 04/04/2021 13:14

Prior to children I would have been annoyed, post children furious, and having been arrested- absolutely livid. How pathetic he is.

CrotchetyQuaver · 04/04/2021 13:15

Oh good grief, well I suppose you'll have to find out what he did and how bad it's going to be. I'd be absolutely furious with him if he was mine.

StrudelSoup · 04/04/2021 13:15

@ArchieStar

I thought they were allowed one phone call, or is that just if arrested? Either way OP, he sounds like a tosspot when it comes to drinking. Hopefully this is lesson learnt!
He'll be like my sister's partner - too shitfaced to be able to speak or press the keypad on his phone so doesn't matter what the police do. He disappears for 2 days at at time sometimes but that's usually when he's done coke on top of the booze.

But, "he's lovely usually" and "normally doesn't drink that much these days" and when his son asks where he is, it's FINE cause we can just make something up. Don't want to embarrass daddy. But OP, you be chilled out about it, otherwise you're being controlling and uncool, etc....

I bet OP is in the UK. Our relationship with alcohol here (and justifications for what is really shitty behaviour) is extremely fucked up. I'm in Glasgow. It's just embarrassing how a lot of folk are around drink here.

ClarkeGriffin · 04/04/2021 13:15

Who said he's going to lose his job? Who said it gave him free rein? My point was joking about your partner being dead was in bad taste.

I was questioning if he would lose his job, never said he would. But it's a problem that could arise from what he's done.

But by all means gve those terms of you like. Don't be surprised when he runs for the door.

I really wouldn't give a shit if he left after doing that. I might not even give him the option depending on what he was arrested for.

StrudelSoup · 04/04/2021 13:17

.... those are quotes from my sister btw, not OP. Last time her man had a night out he was found lying on the ground outside by the bins because he couldn't get his key to work in the lock. It was minus 2 outside.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:17

@ClarkeGriffin

Who said he's going to lose his job? Who said it gave him free rein? My point was joking about your partner being dead was in bad taste.

I was questioning if he would lose his job, never said he would. But it's a problem that could arise from what he's done.

But by all means gve those terms of you like. Don't be surprised when he runs for the door.

I really wouldn't give a shit if he left after doing that. I might not even give him the option depending on what he was arrested for.

Great.

But that's you.

CirqueDeMorgue · 04/04/2021 13:17

My dad spent the night in a cell for something similar when i was little, I'm not scarred for life.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2021 13:18

@ScottishStottie

I think in the circumstances of supporting someone who is grieving (am i reading correctly that his friends partner has died) then i wouldnt be annoyed, no.

Its not like he does it all the time, sounds like a total one off in unique circumstances.

Yes he should have messaged but maybe they were all having deep heart to heart convos fuelled by alcohol.and there was no good time to break away to call, until.it was too late

This. And I’d rather he stayed out than came home off his face in the early hours.
ClarkeGriffin · 04/04/2021 13:20

Great.

But that's you.

Cool if you're happy with that kind of behaviour, that's your decision. Sounds like the op isn't, which is who I was talking to anyway. Smile