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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

551 replies

ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 07:51

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 13:21

Um, he was arrested OP and didn't come home last night. I'm not sure you do have the upper hand.

I'm surprised you're not more concerned about the police cell bit actually, is this normal for him?

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:22

@ClarkeGriffin

Great.

But that's you.

Cool if you're happy with that kind of behaviour, that's your decision. Sounds like the op isn't, which is who I was talking to anyway. Smile

Again, extremes.

Just because I wouldn't automatically kick him out doesn't mean I'm happy.

You need to remember there is a real person behind that post before you merrily cheerlead the end of a relationship.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2021 13:23

You need to remember there is a real person behind that post before you merrily cheerlead the end of a relationship

But this is MN. When did the LTB cheerleaders ever remember that?

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:24

@Alsohuman

You need to remember there is a real person behind that post before you merrily cheerlead the end of a relationship

But this is MN. When did the LTB cheerleaders ever remember that?

Well quite

The well if YOUUU are happy but I wouldn't be gang. Always on hand to encourage someone to end their relationship.

SionnachGlic · 04/04/2021 13:25

Ending up in the clink would piss me right off...if I wasn't already. That's def not okay. Hopefully his offence was too many people gathering in cpvid times etc...not involving an altercation or driving. I'd be cross if I was the recently bereaved too, if my partner/spouse's send off was turned into a fiasco by his drinking buddies.

Whatwouldscullydo · 04/04/2021 13:26

But this is MN. When did the LTB cheerleaders ever remember that?

I guess some people just don't think that a partner who believes parenting is optional and, and whos answer to a crisis is to get into a situation where u are completely useless to anyone and everyone who u are supposed to be supporting, is trivial.

Those cool with it that way are free continue.

billy1966 · 04/04/2021 13:27

What an environment your children are being raised in.

He's no prize.🙄

itsalifetimesworkfella · 04/04/2021 13:30

Oh Op. Not good. Ending up in police cells age 45?

Hopefully this will be a wake up call.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:30

@Whatwouldscullydo

But this is MN. When did the LTB cheerleaders ever remember that?

I guess some people just don't think that a partner who believes parenting is optional and, and whos answer to a crisis is to get into a situation where u are completely useless to anyone and everyone who u are supposed to be supporting, is trivial.

Those cool with it that way are free continue.

🙄
Original poster
ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 13:32

Here goes: He left the wake, he can't remember he thinks he got a lift and was dropped on the main road near to our house where he got arrested. He says he doesn't remember much else.
The paperwork from police stated he was drunk and disorderly, it doesn't elaborate. He was issued with fine and given a caution. In a way I'm glad he didn't come home in such a state and when taking dog for a walk this morning I realised his house keys were in my car, so he wouldn't have been able to get in anyway! - He was arrested just gone midnight and was allowed a call but he didn't because it was too late. I do question how much he does remember if he remember ma details like that.
I've said my piece for now, told him to shower and not to go to bed! He's not bloody sleeping for the rest of the day. Where I go from here I'm not sure. I'm Just exasperated at his lack of responsibility towards me and the kids. He didn't even take a door key ffs. There was no forward thinking. I'm having a sit down with a cuppa I'm still so bloody annoyed.
Thanks for all your supporting comments and opinions. When you've been with someone for 30 years you think you know them, I thought this behaviour was left behind with our teen/twenties. Obviously not!

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/04/2021 13:32

Oh dear...

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:32

@ShutUpaYourFace

Here goes: He left the wake, he can't remember he thinks he got a lift and was dropped on the main road near to our house where he got arrested. He says he doesn't remember much else. The paperwork from police stated he was drunk and disorderly, it doesn't elaborate. He was issued with fine and given a caution. In a way I'm glad he didn't come home in such a state and when taking dog for a walk this morning I realised his house keys were in my car, so he wouldn't have been able to get in anyway! - He was arrested just gone midnight and was allowed a call but he didn't because it was too late. I do question how much he does remember if he remember ma details like that. I've said my piece for now, told him to shower and not to go to bed! He's not bloody sleeping for the rest of the day. Where I go from here I'm not sure. I'm Just exasperated at his lack of responsibility towards me and the kids. He didn't even take a door key ffs. There was no forward thinking. I'm having a sit down with a cuppa I'm still so bloody annoyed. Thanks for all your supporting comments and opinions. When you've been with someone for 30 years you think you know them, I thought this behaviour was left behind with our teen/twenties. Obviously not!
He made a mistake.

I honestly don't think this is a massive deal.n

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 13:33

I'd be getting rid of him

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 13:35

And to the previous posters why is this not a "big deal" ?

Should the OP teach her children this is ok? Fucking hell.

Bishbashbosh101 · 04/04/2021 13:36

I'd be so cross too, you poor thing.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:36

@Tinacollada

And to the previous posters why is this not a "big deal" ?

Should the OP teach her children this is ok? Fucking hell.

No, OP can teach her children that after 30 years of marriage this is not big enough to throw everything away for.

Children need to learn life isn't black and white.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 13:36

He doesn't remember anything? How convenient!

He made a mistake.

I honestly don't think this is a massive deal.
I wonder how many women go out leaving their DH with the kids and get so drunk they end up in a police cell, not to be heard of until lunchtime the next day. I wonder how many husbands would roll their eyes and go "what you like, no big deal"

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:37

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

He doesn't remember anything? How convenient!

He made a mistake.

I honestly don't think this is a massive deal.
I wonder how many women go out leaving their DH with the kids and get so drunk they end up in a police cell, not to be heard of until lunchtime the next day. I wonder how many husbands would roll their eyes and go "what you like, no big deal"

Why is that relevant?
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 13:38

No, OP can teach her children that after 30 years of marriage this is not big enough to throw everything away for.

Or it teaches them that a man can treat his family however he likes, and no matter how shit he is and how low he goes, she must take him back.

justwaydamin · 04/04/2021 13:38

@billy1966

What an environment your children are being raised in.

He's no prize.🙄

This is harsh... it implies this is frequent, normalised behaviour which is clearly not the case.
Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 13:38

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

No, OP can teach her children that after 30 years of marriage this is not big enough to throw everything away for.

Or it teaches them that a man can treat his family however he likes, and no matter how shit he is and how low he goes, she must take him back.

No, not at all. I totally disagree.
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 13:39

Why is that relevant

Because if the tables were turned the responses on here, and probably of the husband, would be VERY different. But OP seems to be told to let him get away with it because why? Because he has a penis?

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 13:39

What a crock of shit.

He can support his bereaved mate without making a total arse of himself and letting his family down

Mumdiva99 · 04/04/2021 13:40

Thank goodness he's home safe. The rest you will work out together.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 13:40

@Tinacollada

What a crock of shit.

He can support his bereaved mate without making a total arse of himself and letting his family down

Exactly.

Sadly I'm not surprised at the responses on here telling OP she should let it go. People have such low expectations of men. And to think some people think this site favours women 🤣