DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

[ShutUpaYourFace]

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

@JinglingHellsBells

Depends how drunk he was. If he didn’t have his phone. Or couldn’t remember her number off by heart

So many options as to why they didn’t ring. She didn’t report him missing so your point is moot really

@ButIcantsitonleather

I can’t help but feel sorry for the posters who think this isn’t a big deal. Raise your standards.

Such a patronising, shitty little comment. He made a stupid mistake ffs, get a grip.

Correct @Butwasitherdriveway! You know what possibly means.!!!

Older Scottish here. I think I may be similar to ancientgran here.

For me the wake is when you have the departed in the house and someone bides with them until the funeral. They aren’t left alone. And folk come in and out to pay their respects and have a drink or twenty while they reminisce.

@JinglingHellsBells

Disorderly could just be drunk in a public place. Doesn’t mean he’s out knocking down lamppost or shouting and screaming

TBH I would let it go. Yes you are right to be angry, but he knows he has behaved badly. The pandemic/lockdowns have caused immense stress to most of us. Personally I would forgive and forget. Few of us behave perfectly all of the time.

@ButIcantsitonleather

I can’t help but feel sorry for the posters who think this isn’t a big deal. Raise your standards.

Same here.

Raise your standards people. Getting arrested when you have a wife and children at home is not the sign of even a half decent man.

Where are some posters arguing the toss over what drunk and disorderly means? And minimising it?

If you do a quick search it comes up with what it can mean. He wasn't just drunk, he was disorderly in public.

I can't be bothered to argue the point any more.

It's Easter Day!

@JinglingHellsBells

Correct *@Butwasitherdriveway! You know what possibly* means.!!!

Yes , but as I said, there's no need to make things up.

@Thewinterofdiscontent

Oh all those poor traumatised people.

Get a grip.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows he's human.

@JinglingHellsBells

Ahh. You too! Yes. Let’s stop arguing what it all means

End of the day. Only the OP will know what happened. She’s gone quiet. Said she’s going to forgive

So let’s leave her to sort it out

Happy Easter

@Butwasitherdriveway

100% agree

Happy Easter all 😘

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows he's human.[/quote]
Well done for identifying his species.

Seriously where do people draw the line on what they will accept from a man? Infidelity? Well he's a red blooded male after all 🙄

what a very British thread, where swilling so much alcohol that you get arrested (and that means pretty drunk in the UK, we tolerate behaviour that many countries do not) is considered a bit of a jolly jape by some.

up to the OP if she forgives after such a long marriage, I don't know what I would do.

@JinglingHellsBells

Where are some posters arguing the toss over what drunk and disorderly means? And minimising it?

If you do a quick search it comes up with what it can mean. He wasn't just drunk, he was disorderly in public.

I can't be bothered to argue the point any more.

It's Easter Day!

Because I'm guessing many will draw comparisons to their own relationships and would rather minimise this vile behaviour than face they have shitty men and low standards

James, I normally do like your posts even though we disagree, but the last two are pushing over into unacceptable.

@Butwasitherdriveway

James, I normally do like your posts even though we disagree, but the last two are pushing over into unacceptable.

Some people just adore dragging others down

No matter what. They feel that that person cannot ever make a mistake once. Or they’ve never lost someone close to them

I lost my best friend aged 21. From a terminal illness. So I even knew he was going to die. Regardless I went off the rails for months. Could even if been years eventually. It hit me so hard and I’ve never really gotten over it.

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@Thewinterofdiscontent

Oh all those poor traumatised people.

Get a grip.[/quote]
Er ok then.

Glad anti social behaviour doesn’t worry you ( and he did something serious enough to be arrested for it) I don’t like it and plenty of other women would feel uncomfortable with it too.
You have no idea whether his behaviour traumatised someone or not by the way.

Women women women women women. Cause it's all about them.

I'm more worried that a man who had lost his friend got so drunk he ended up self destructing.

But god forbid a poor helpless woman had to step over his wee. This is ridiculous.

@Lorieandrews, I have had friends lose partners suddenly in their 30s and 40s.

I'm sure they would be willing to tolerate someone getting drunk ffs.

Where are some posters arguing the toss over what drunk and disorderly means?

Being drunk isn't illegal but the "crime"
If you like is drunk and disorderly - the police have to label it something

They probably just popped him in the cells to sober up (as OP said herself he didn't have his keys) and he was probably too incoherent to tell them where he lived 🤷‍♀️

Hardly the crime of the century and the OP has already said it's an isolated stupid incident

@ivfbeenbusy

Where are some posters arguing the toss over what drunk and disorderly means?

Being drunk isn't illegal but the "crime"
If you like is drunk and disorderly - the police have to label it something

They probably just popped him in the cells to sober up (as OP said herself he didn't have his keys) and he was probably too incoherent to tell them where he lived 🤷‍♀️

Hardly the crime of the century and the OP has already said it's an isolated stupid incident

Quite. But PP know much better than OP!

@Alsohuman

If you are happy to let your husband continually disappear on nights out without any thought for his children at home, you have lower standards than women who would throw someone out for that

Firstly OP’s husband isn’t continually disappearing on nights out. It’s once in a blue moon.

I don’t think a woman who would destroy a 30 year relationship and break up her kids’ home for one episode of drunkenness has high standards. I think she’s out of touch with reality and cutting off her nose to spite her face.

Quite.

Whilst I'm not minimising what he's done, the drunkenness is once in a blue moon and he's never been arrested before.

As long as he's genuinely sorry, takes any ranting from the OP, acknowledges how he messed up and steps up for the rest of the weekend I really don't see why the OP should end her marriage over it.