DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

[ShutUpaYourFace]

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

I wondered where that thread had gone! Just popped back with a cuppa and a sit down ready to catch up with it! 😢

@ivfbeenbusy

I wondered where that thread had gone! Just popped back with a cuppa and a sit down ready to catch up with it! 😢

MN pulled it . Hairy hander I think.

Okay so getting the thread back on track...

OP, I hope you are okay. You deserve better.

But - your standards are right shit.

Did you give him a lift home from the rozzers and buy him a bacon butty too ?

Getting so drunk you pass out is something someone might do once before they learn to drink responsibly. A 45 year old getting wasted is a very big deal.

@Mumdiva99

Thank goodness he's home safe. The rest you will work out together.

This

He is very full of regret. It's been ages since he went out drinking and we don't drink much at home. Believe me he is not an alcoholic, more along the lines of reminiscing teenage drinker. Thinking he can still drink as much as he used to without too many ill effects, It's true the older you get the worse it is, which is why I've not been completely drunk since my Christmas work do in 2018. Never again! (Although I was with DP and our children were out for the night)
He's also never been arrested before so I hope this is a good lesson for him.
A few times he's stayed out without letting me know but this is over the last 10 years or so so, it's not normal behaviour. I however have a good memory!

My children do know he didn't come home. They know he has been very naughty and they know it is unacceptable behaviour for daddy to not let mummy know where he is. They did not know he was taken into custody. They don't need the full details.

He is a good dad and and partner (usually) and is very hard working. This is Certainly not an incident to throw away the last 30 years for but certainly one he won't be repeating.

I am not making excuses for him btw just telling like it is, l am still angry but I can't turn back time. I will see how things go moving forward.

Can I add that the friends wife was young (40s) she died of cancer and leaves a 6 year old child behind. His friend obviously is devastated. I told my DP it should make him think about what he's got to lose. I have legs and I can walk away!
Life is cruel and too short for regrets for us all.

Thanks everyone for your input and happy Easter. I'm Going to go and eat a whole some chocolate egg now.

@ShutUpaYourFace

He is very full of regret. It's been ages since he went out drinking and we don't drink much at home. Believe me he is not an alcoholic, more along the lines of reminiscing teenage drinker. Thinking he can still drink as much as he used to without too many ill effects, It's true the older you get the worse it is, which is why I've not been completely drunk since my Christmas work do in 2018. Never again! (Although I was with DP and our children were out for the night) He's also never been arrested before so I hope this is a good lesson for him. A few times he's stayed out without letting me know but this is over the last 10 years or so so, it's not normal behaviour. I however have a good memory!

My children do know he didn't come home. They know he has been very naughty and they know it is unacceptable behaviour for daddy to not let mummy know where he is. They did not know he was taken into custody. They don't need the full details.

He is a good dad and and partner (usually) and is very hard working. This is Certainly not an incident to throw away the last 30 years for but certainly one he won't be repeating.

I am not making excuses for him btw just telling like it is, l am still angry but I can't turn back time. I will see how things go moving forward.

Can I add that the friends wife was young (40s) she died of cancer and leaves a 6 year old child behind. His friend obviously is devastated. I told my DP it should make him think about what he's got to lose. I have legs and I can walk away!
Life is cruel and too short for regrets for us all.

Thanks everyone for your input and happy Easter. I'm Going to go and eat a whole some chocolate egg now.

💖

In normal times I'd be annoyed inCovid restrictions I'd be livid he's broken the law staying away from home overnight and he's clearly been in someone else's house He would be self isolating in the shed when he turned up if it was me

If you are happy to let your husband continually disappear on nights out without any thought for his children at home, you have lower standards than women who would throw someone out for that

Firstly OP’s husband isn’t continually disappearing on nights out. It’s once in a blue moon.

I don’t think a woman who would destroy a 30 year relationship and break up her kids’ home for one episode of drunkenness has high standards. I think she’s out of touch with reality and cutting off her nose to spite her face.

Just caught up I'd be even more livid now

@daisychain01

If women just expect this shit from their menfolk, they will never ever have the incentive to change, that's the tragedy. And their kids will see this happening and think that's how men should behave, but it's OK, the women are there to pick up the pieces.

I agree but look at the number of women on here rushing to his defence.

I hope he's doing a lot of jobs around the house right now and not sleeping it off!

OP what exactly did he do to get himself arrested?

@cato75

Nobody is rushing to "his" defence.

I'm more capable of getting bladdered at a wake than my DH.

A no, he wouldn't leave me over it.

Such OTT ridiculous posts on here.

@daisychain01 you're talking absolute rot

I'd rather my children grow up knowing that the world isn't black and white and forming good relationships than always being insufferably right

[quote AhNowTed]@cato75

Nobody is rushing to "his" defence.

I'm more capable of getting bladdered at a wake than my DH.

A no, he wouldn't leave me over it.

Such OTT ridiculous posts on here.[/quote]
Would you get arrested and not bother to let him know you were coming home if you have children? If a man posted about his wife on here with exactly the same post, people would be saying all sorts about them being an unfit parent etc.

I don't ever think any circumstances should cancel out the basic decency to tell your SO that you are not coming home all night.
That's just being decent, surely?

Grief can hit people so many ways. I realise what he did wasn’t ok. But I lost a friend recently and it hit me much harder

Yes he did wrong. No he doesn’t do this often. If at all. I wouldn’t throw 30 years down the drain for an isolated incident that can happen to a lot of us. Which is to drink way too much. If he was drunk on public land. Then he can be arrested. Disorderly or not.

I’d talk to him about his grief for sure.

Correct me if I'm wrong but surely is a man is arrested and in a cell overnight, he is allowed to make a call to explain to his family where he is? Or the police would?

And as far as I know, a wake is held after a funeral, not as a precursor to one.

@Sansaplans

Being in a police cell he wouldn’t have his phone!

@THEDEACON

In normal times I'd be annoyed inCovid restrictions I'd be livid he's broken the law staying away from home overnight and he's clearly been in someone else's house He would be self isolating in the shed when he turned up if it was me

Then I wouldn't blame him for fucking off entirely.

[quote Lorieandrews]@Sansaplans

Being in a police cell he wouldn’t have his phone![/quote]
No but unless the police want to field a missing person's enquiry as well, they would allow him a call or call his next of kin. (I assume.)

@Sansaplans

Nope. She'd get compassion and sympathy and poor OP and why isn't he supporting her.

I can’t help but feel sorry for the posters who think this isn’t a big deal. Raise your standards.