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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Everyone moaning about why lockdown is so hard for them

139 replies

1onway1under12and1over18 · 02/04/2021 20:08

Aibu but does everyone have a reason as to why in their specific circumstance lockdown has been the hardest for them. Be it living alone, living with partner, living with young kids, pregnant, given birth, furloughed, having to work, homeschooling...on & on. Everyone seems to think their particular circumstance is so much harder than the next person. We’ve all suffered, sacrificed, been through hell. Why does your home life/ reason make you more at reason to give up on restrictions / have had enough of it by now than the next person?

OP posts:

MmeLaraque · 02/04/2021 21:16

@LolaSmiles

We're all in the same storm, but we're not all in the same boat.

The sort of person playing the negativity Olympics is likely to have that sort of personality trait outside of lockdown. You know the type, everything in their life is a roller coaster/ whatever situation their friend is experiencing, they'll have it worse /nobody understands how tough things are for them / you wouldn't believe how ill they were from a common cold.

This is precisely why I don't post about anything personal.

I'll comment about general experience, but there is no way I am going to comment about personal experiences in here.

Generic experiences, like talking young people down from suicide/supporting autistics and their parent/s guardians: I'll do that from an educational point of view. Sharing my own, personal experiences with people here, given how nasty so many are? No. Not doing that.

"You know the type"

Yes, I do. A common cold can knock me out for weeks.

Life is a rollercoaster. We know families who cannot talk about their home lives because no one would believe it.

Does anyone care? In our experience, no, they don't.

IcedPurple · 02/04/2021 21:17

We’ve all suffered, sacrificed, been through hell

Actually no, we haven't.

Someone who has a secure job they can do from their naice spacious home, who has saved thousands on commuting and childcare costs and who never had much interest in travelling or socalising has probably found the past year quite tolerable and may be in no great rush to get back to normal. By contrast, someone who lives alone in a small flat and is desperately lonely, working in one of the many industries which have been decimated, with little chance of recovery soon if ever, might be deeply depressed and in serious financial trouble. This may well have been the worst year of their lives.

So no, our circumstances are not all equal. Why should we pretend that they are?

So while most people have

AdoraBell · 02/04/2021 21:17

I was made redundant last June. Starting on furlough and the company closed about 60 stores. DH started a company 3 days before the first lockdown, he’s working from home. Both DDs have gone to Uni so it’s just us at home.

There’s not enough wine or chocolate in the world 🤦‍♀️

Wateruniform · 02/04/2021 21:19

One of the few good things about lockdown is that it has forced many of us to be more considerate and understanding about other people's lives, and growing empathy when the pressures on them are very different from the pressures on ourselves.

Make no mistake we will need those skills - the inequality gap is widening, we have a deep recession coming, and a government that doesn't care. We have to stand up for each others' lived experience and advocate for one another. We are all interdependent and literally cannot afford to squabble over who has it worst.

Ohnomoreno · 02/04/2021 21:19

I won't apologise for not accepting the curtailment of centuries of individual freedom. And one day, neither will you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2021 21:20

I've found parents to be complaining the most. Apparently having to care for own your kids full time is the worst thing ever.

My money is on smug SAHM or childless. Maybe retiree.

SoupDragon · 02/04/2021 21:20

Some people are just moaners.

Like the OP who is moaning.

MumofPsuedoAdult · 02/04/2021 21:21

It feels like there's something behind your post OP. Tell us more....

LolaSmiles · 02/04/2021 21:22

MmeLaraque
You don't think that chronic moaners exist?
You don't think there's not people out there who play the negativity Olympics (think the negative version of 'you've been to Tenerife and they'll have to tell you they went to Elevenerife)?

There's a difference between talking about something that's happened and being a chronic complainer who has to turn every conversation into why your life is worse/harder/more dramatic than anything anyone else is going though.

As a general rule, the way to tell if someone is a chronic complainer is to see how they respond when their friend is talking about a sad/negative experience. If they quickly turn the conversation into why they have it worse then they're a moaning minnie.

OfftoSainsbos · 02/04/2021 21:25

@NutellaEllaElla

Some people are just moaners.

I've found parents to be complaining the most. Apparently having to care for own your kids full time is the worst thing ever.

Ouch.

I've complained quite a lot. I'm very VERY grateful to have been employed throughout the pandemic and to have not lost any close family members, but juggling a very stressful full time job working from home with homeschooling (whilst also being a mum and wife and supporting the family through a pretty awful time and recovering from covid myself) caused me to have a mental breakdown. Sorry about that.

dividedwefall · 02/04/2021 21:27

It has obviously been hard for most people (not all - some have enjoyed it). But it is wrong to say we're all suffering the same.

I have often worried about children stuck in flats for months on end, or those who are truly alone with nobody to talk to. Or those who are already feeling unhappy before this started. What about those who are facing financial ruin as a result of the lock downs too? What about parents with seriously challenging disabled children who have all respite/school/support withdrawn?

Walk a mile in their shoes before you criticise those complaining about the real, genuine and life-changing hardship they have endured this past year.

sassbott · 02/04/2021 21:27

I've found parents to be complaining the most. Apparently having to care for own your kids full time is the worst thing ever.

One parent is beside themselves as one of their (primary age) DC’s anxiety is through the roof. And has started to self harm and refuse returning to school post lockdown.
Another parent I know has had the CAMHS work that had started be reset as their child simply couldn’t engage via zoom. And also now is refusing to return to school.
My best friend who is a therapist working with children is now getting inundated with more requests to work with children than she knows what to do with. Anxiety and mental health problems in children are through the roof and poor parents are pulling their hair out.

Such a vile comment.

Wingingit15 · 02/04/2021 21:27

Because regardless of trying to make light of things, some people’s circumstances ARE much more challenging than others. As a single parent who’s had to juggle keeping a job to retain roof over heads while home schooling and dealing with an incessantly whinging toddler with no adult company, it’s not been my best year. However I am fortunate compared to someone in similar situation who loses that job or becomes ill. I can often see how others may have it easier and others have it harder. It’s called empathy.

dividedwefall · 02/04/2021 21:28

@NutellaEllaElla

Yes some people are just moaners. Not all.

And some people are just poisonous and bitter.

Profiterolegirl · 02/04/2021 21:29

It has been harder on some people than on others. Some people have lost jobs, homes, opportunities, cancer diagnosis, cancer treatment, educational attainment, businesses, mental health, physical health, loved ones. Some people will be on completely different life paths because of the effects of lockdown, their entire lives altered. Other people will have been pleased to work from home in large comfortable houses with large comfortable gardens and large comfortable salaries. Some people complain they have been disproportionately affected because they have.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/04/2021 21:31

"Some people are just moaners.

I've found parents to be complaining the most. Apparently having to care for own your kids full time is the worst thing ever."

Not the point of the thread but bloody hell. Having a full time job, caring for kids plus teaching them in a way that's completely different to the way you were taught (phonics and number bonds and diens) isnt exactly normal parenting

Chewbecca · 02/04/2021 21:34

Mean.

I definitely don’t think I have had it harder than most, easier than most I would say. DH lost his job after furlough but got a new one 4 months later which he’s enjoying more. I have WFH for a year. DC old enough to self teach and happy at home. Nice home with garden, near friends and family for doorstep chats. No money worries. No health issues.

BUT, I am so fed up with wfh and isolation and no social life. I am quite extroverted and love to see friends and family several times a week in normal times. So yes, I am moaning too.

GrettaGreen · 02/04/2021 21:36

Covid has been hard. Really bloody hard. For everyone in a myriad of ways. There's always this superficial push for people to talk about their strugges to lessen their burdens and reduce harm to mental health but in reality there's far too many people that utter it to sound empathetic when in reality they judge anyone who is transparent about finding things difficult and think they should just suck it up.

RLJ1905 · 02/04/2021 21:36

I think you're being a little harsh.

I'm usually a very positive person. The entire time, I've stuck to the rules and knew I didn't have it so bad. I was pregnant during the 1st lockdown...I was careful and just hoped my husband would be at the birth (he was). But now? It's been a year. I live abroad. My family back in the UK. My son is 9 months old, met my mum once. The rest of my family have never met him. I haven't seen them in nearly two years. I have seen one friend a handful of times, the rest again not in nearly 2 years. My family are missing out on the baby years of my only child's life (fertility issues... Waited 4 years for him). We had a colicky baby, cmpa, then we moved flat, I'm trying to finish my master and husband and I are each others village. No family nearby.

So yeah...I reached my limit this month. Things are much better with my son but my god I miss my family, I'm bitter they are not seeing my son. I'm going to complain and say I'm fed up now.

I'm not saying I have it harder. But it's still hard. And I'm sure it's just how everyone feels right now

MrsKeats · 02/04/2021 21:37

I'm sick of all the moaning.
Imagine some of these people enduring 6 years of World War Two then austerity and rationing for years.

waddlemyway · 02/04/2021 21:39

What the hell else are people going to talk about? It’s all anyone’s experienced for a year. It’s not exactly been a walk in the park for anyone and meanwhile, there’s nowt else to talk about. I can’t exactly tell you about that concert I went to or ask you about that holiday you went on, can I? We can’t even discuss that new and exciting thing in the news coz nothing else ever bloody happens. It’s human nature to talk about experience and in the past year, unfortunately, most of us have had more bad than good experiences.

Babyroobs · 02/04/2021 21:42

Lockdown really hasn't been bad for me at all, so I haven't moaned when other have but accept that it is worse for some.
I don't go out much anyway and working from home has been fine and meant I have a lot more free time. I've missed things like eating out but my dh is a great cook and we've had nice food and drink and lots of netflix. Things have been relaxed, my kids are older and have been able to self study. I can appreciate how hard it has been for people to home school though especially if trying to wfh too, sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.

Sooverthis1 · 02/04/2021 21:44

@NutellaEllaElla is a childless/childfree teacher , I'd bet my savings on that.
Adore being with my dcs and looking after them as I have and all parents do regardless everyday.. They are absolutely fab and actually have given us motivation when things were tough. We are actually considering taking a year out and travelling with them as sure school obvs isn't the b-all now is it . People expected to do a full time job and mind their kids and teach them f/t (we had zero online lessons here) is asking the impossible, it's nothing to do with not wanting to mind our own children. I worked as a teacher and if someone had dropped my toddler and my other small kids into me to look after at the same time as teaching my class , I wouldn't be able to do it yanno....

Rachie1973 · 02/04/2021 21:45

It’s all relative.

AfternoonToffee · 02/04/2021 21:46

Yesterday I went to my MIL's funeral, it is safe to say that covid added another level of shit to already a shit year for her, especially as she was in hospital for best part of 4 months when we couldn't visit her.

Has my year been the worst? No undoubtedly not, but it has been hard.

I am aware though OP that you are the bestest at lockdown, so well done.

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