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Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 01/04/2021 10:24

You could just leave your computer open on this thread. That should absolutely terrify him so much he will never speak to her again. 😂

Smartiepants79 · 01/04/2021 10:26

I’m sure other have already said this but unless your husband is flirting back this is really a bit of a non issue.
Do you trust him?
He’s sounds like he’s doing everything right and making sure you know what’s going on. His behaviour looks trustworthy to me.
She is being an idiot but as long as it remains ignored and unreciprocated I’d leave her to it. I certainly wouldn’t speak to her.
Go with him reasonably often if it makes you feel better.

Original poster
silverfish00 · 01/04/2021 10:28

This mum apparently has history of this before we joined the school. She had a big fall out with another mum as she had added her dh on Facebook and the dh had messaged her. Messages were found by the mum and she split with her husband. I'm not sure how much happened between them other than they were messaging.

My dh is honest as far as I know. He leaves his Facebook logged on in our office which I could look at any time if I felt the need to but at this point I don't. I've never had any other reason to be suspicious or doubt my dh but I still feel rather insecure about all this.

I don't want to go to the school and purposely put on any displays of affection just for her benefit, I think I'd be lowering myself if I did this and I'd just look silly.

As I mentioned in my post, he did delete her off Facebook and declined her next request in front of me when she sent it again.

OP posts:
parsnipsnotsprouts · 01/04/2021 10:29

I must be the only one who doesn’t like the sound of the husband in this scenario. I didn’t believe it was acceptable to have had her as a friend on fb. Kids aren’t even in the same class. Any money at all there’s more to this than one sided flirtation. Don’t get me wrong the woman is a desperado acting like that. I wouldn’t do anything other than keep an eye on your Dh

parsnipsnotsprouts · 01/04/2021 10:31

@5128gap

Truly amazed at the amount if people who think that men need either protecting or fighting over. A man faced with an offer from another woman will either take it or not, depending on his own personality, circumstances, morals, whatever. There is nothing any if you can do if a man isn't committed to being faithful. Yes, you can temporarily head off 'the competition' with threats or restrictions, but who wants a lifetime of vigilance and policing? Surely the important thing is choosing to be faithful, not faithfulness by default because you remove all other options.
This
EpochTime · 01/04/2021 10:33

Those who say it's a non-issue if he is trustworthy and being upfront with the OP - I agree that makes sense on the face of it. But dig below the surface, I'm trying to empathise with the OP, and there are issues which go beyond his trustworthiness. For one thing, it could start to get a little embarrassing for the OP if other mums have started to notice an apparent friendship forming between her husband and the school mum. Tongues start wagging ...

Notimeforaname · 01/04/2021 10:35

As I mentioned in my post, he did delete her off Facebook and declined her next request in front of me when she sent it again
Then there's nothing else to be done. Just ignore. She'll move on. She obviously gets a kick out of these types of things so even making eye contact will feed her.

ClarkeGriffin · 01/04/2021 10:37

@bennibooboo

Wow by the reactions on here a lot of you on here sound like you are about 13 Hmm
Humour deficiency is a problem, I would go see your doctor about it.
ClarkeGriffin · 01/04/2021 10:39

This mum apparently has history of this before we joined the school. She had a big fall out with another mum as she had added her dh on Facebook and the dh had messaged her. Messages were found by the mum and she split with her husband. I'm not sure how much happened between them other than they were messaging.

God she sounds so pathetic. She can't get a man so she just runs after any man that comes along. She really needs to speak to someone about her self esteem, don't think it get much lower.

Pity her op. She literally has no options so she has to try and take what she can. It's just sad.

ceilingsand · 01/04/2021 10:40

I went to uni with a woman like this. She was only interested in attached men, for some reason, and they became increasingly obvious once different people were involved. Just ignore her and trust your DH, unless he gives you reasons not to.

trilbydoll · 01/04/2021 10:41

I am helpless at the image of OP running this woman over, for some reason it's really amused me. I have nothing constructive to add other than please make sure someone films it Grin

Maybe he could start staring right through her and looking confused if she speaks, like he can hear a faint noise but doesn't know where it's coming from. Then she might start to think he's a bit mad and best avoided!

DrSbaitso · 01/04/2021 10:41

This mum apparently has history of this before we joined the school. She had a big fall out with another mum as she had added her dh on Facebook and the dh had messaged her. Messages were found by the mum and she split with her husband. I'm not sure how much happened between them other than they were messaging.

Man has affair, busts his marriage, woman gets "history of this".

I'm actually too depressed to write any more or think any more. SNAFU.

WeekendCEO · 01/04/2021 10:42

I wouldn’t give it any more thought. The school run is 5 minutes a couple of times a day.

MerryChristmasToYou · 01/04/2021 10:43

@ceilingsand

I went to uni with a woman like this. She was only interested in attached men, for some reason, and they became increasingly obvious once different people were involved. Just ignore her and trust your DH, unless he gives you reasons not to.
Me too, and I worked with another.

Trouble is, men would accept the offer of a no-strings shag. Both the women broke up a few relationships.

Sunhoop · 01/04/2021 10:45

I quite like it when women fancy my husband - it makes him uncomfortable and I find it amusing to watch Grin I can't imagine feeling like shit about it unless you're insecure in the relationship.

Embarrassing how many (presumably) grown women are advising you to make a show of yourself by pissing on your territory. You're not a jealous teenager. Just ignore it! So she fancies him? So what? If you trust him then it's a non issue and she'll soon stop embarrassing herself and move on to the next easy prey!

Alsohuman · 01/04/2021 10:45

This mum apparently has history of this before we joined the school. She had a big fall out with another mum as she had added her dh on Facebook and the dh had messaged her. Messages were found by the mum and she split with her husband. I'm not sure how much happened between them other than they were messaging

Nice drip feed. Perhaps you should have included this in your OP.

Geamhradh · 01/04/2021 10:46

How did you find out about her previous, @silverfish00?

VaggieMight · 01/04/2021 10:47

Parts of this thread sound like plans we came up with when we were 13. Right. everyone laugh NOW.

Who cares if someone fancies your husband? She's making a fool of herself and seems awkward about it. I think I'd feel a bit sorry for her.

OneForTheRoadThen · 01/04/2021 10:48

@5128gap

Truly amazed at the amount if people who think that men need either protecting or fighting over. A man faced with an offer from another woman will either take it or not, depending on his own personality, circumstances, morals, whatever. There is nothing any if you can do if a man isn't committed to being faithful. Yes, you can temporarily head off 'the competition' with threats or restrictions, but who wants a lifetime of vigilance and policing? Surely the important thing is choosing to be faithful, not faithfulness by default because you remove all other options.
This. Exactly this.
Sunhoop · 01/04/2021 10:49

Also, as mentioned above some women (and men) deliberately go for people who are in relationships. They're insecure and seeking an ego boost of feeling powerful. I have a friend who used to blatantly do this, I've seen her in action and she was shameless! But I've known her since we were children and it stems from a lack of self esteem. Not minimizing the behaviour but once you see it for what it is you might switch from jealousy to pity.

blowinahoolie · 01/04/2021 10:53

Best to ignore.

Cookiecrumblepie · 01/04/2021 10:59

Your husband needs to tell her to stop flirting because he’s married. He can just say...look, You’re a nice person but I’m not comfortable with our friendship because I’m married so I’m not going to speak to you anymore. The end!

Krazynights34 · 01/04/2021 11:04

Is she making a fool of herself?
For all any of us know she and he could have had several conversations and get on with each other.
Saying hello you or smiling or looking at someone isn’t flirting, though lots of people assume it is.
I’m not sure how the OP knows the cause of the other marriage breakdown involving this school mum given that neither she nor her DH allegedly engage with her.
And so what if she had a thing with another man.. doesn’t mean she’s interested in the OP’s DH.
I do get the funny responses above but what I don’t get is why anyone needs to act as if they own someone (?)
Marriage is a pact, not a property purchase.
But perhaps I take this too seriously.
In my view a man would have no problem getting rid of unwanted attention if they really didn’t want it (I imagine for instance a heterosexual man would deal with attention from a man that suggested flirtation).

blowinahoolie · 01/04/2021 11:04

By approaching her you are then making an issue out of it. If you ignore, she pales into insignificance and just carry on with your life🤷

Stoppissingonmyheather · 01/04/2021 11:06

Did you know her history before all this? If you did maybe you are extra wary and more suspicious than you would have been had you not known. Considering this as you don't want to claim your prey by licking his face and pissing on him. He needs to tell her she is making him feel uncomfortable with flirting and he loves his wife all very cringe but all he has to do is send message on fb saying so with a profile pic of you snogging then block her completely. His account should be private and so should yours. If that's too confrontational update his Facebook pic with said pic of you two with the caption "love this woman" or "my world" "the most beautiful woman in the world" "the only woman for me" or some such tripe then block block block failing that you run her over as suggested previously

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