School mum flirting with my dh

[silverfish00]

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

My advice , just to give yourself some peace of mind that you do know how your DH is or isn’t responding - can you watch him do the school run one day without him knowing and see if he does talk to her , watch their body language. I know it’s not ideal but don’t be naive like I was , a lot of men would be flattered and cross the line and then try to pull back , telling you about it makes him feel less guilty but she’s getting encouragement from some where .

@bennibooboo

Wow by the reactions on here a lot of you on here sound like you are about 13

Which ones? The funny ones, the put on a show of affection ones, or the tell her straight ones?

Ive quietly swooned over the odd school dad in the past, but she is being weird by blanking you. I wonder if he blanks her when with you but not when alone too

This literally wouldn't bother me at all to be honest op.

I've been stood next to dh before and a women we know to be friendly with in passing spent ten minutes engaging him in conversation and not even looking my way

I just stood there smiling and when she's finished clearly eyeing him up I grabbed his ass and said right come on you and off we trotted

Dh was oblivious

I'd buy him a burqa personally, those women just can't help themselves at the sight of a male ankle.

I find it funny when women do this to DH. He's about as interested as yours is, which is not in the slightest.

Just focus on the fact that your husband is clearly faithful to you, honest, trustworthy. He's told you about it from the start, shown you everything. Trust him. That silly little girl can do what she wants but she's not turning his head.

@Famousinlove

Tell DH to start wearing crocs on the school run?

I've been with DH for 9 years and in that time, people have chatted me up so I'd be naive to think that nobody has looked his way. He's very attractive, nice and funny.

Actually, I've just remembered a time when we were on holiday (in fact, he'd just proposed an hour earlier!) when two women were very brazen about the fact that they fancied him. He was so awkward and I found it hilarious.

You just have to trust him. He can't control what this woman does but he can control how he responds.

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with most on here that you don’t have anything to worry about but I also feel that if I was in the same position I would be questioning if your partner is actively ignoring her or is equally making eye contact for this to carry on. I would be whipping him into shape if this was the case joking aside as it sounds like he might be enjoying the attention (who doesn’t) and this is spurring her to carry on.

My advice to you @silverfish00 is to maintain a dignified composure and the situation will eventually resolve itself. She may well get bored that her efforts are not producing what she wants.
I was in exactly the same position as you a while back (not a school run but something similar). The woman in question was exactly as you describe - very excitable and chatty with my DH when she didn't notice I was nearby, yet would blank us both if I was around.

The thing that seemed to break the spell for this woman was when a chance meeting occurred while I was with DH meant that she had to engage with me. I spoke to her just like I'd speak to anyone - respectfully - had a banal chat about weather, etc. Smiled at her, laughed at her attempt at humour. I don't know what it was, but maybe at that point I became a real person in her eyes - not just some 'wife' who was an obstacle to her object of desire? Haven't seen her since.
Maybe you could try that?

Get out of the car with him next time and walk in with him chatting and laughing

@Tankflybosswalkjam

Weird. Where I’m from, she’d get battered.

The Courts must do a roaring trade where you are.

I agree that it shouldn’t be up to you to have to tell her on your husband’s behalf to stop. He needs to be the one making it crystal clear that her behaviour is getting awkward. Otherwise she will likely dismiss you as jealous and the only person to have an issue. Sounds like he’s dealt with her well so far though. As for what she sees in him - well, clearly it’s the same as whatever you saw in him .

Send her a friend request too.
She is making a fool of herself he needs to give her the cold shoulder.

It's for your DH to handle not you.
Anything you do, confronting her, performance affection in front of her etc will only show her YOU (not DH) have a problem with her, and want her to stop, which frankly won't bother her in the least. She knows he's married and doesn't care.
The only message that matters is the one your DH gives her. I'm sure if he's sufficiently attractive to have this woman develop a crush on him, it won't be the first time he's dealt with unwanted attention.
Men know perfectly well how to 'get rid' of women they are not interested in, and he needs to do this.

I'm embarrassed for those of you telling OP to 'warn her off' - WTF? Have some dignity! She trusts her OH who, I presume, is a big boy, and should let him deal with it.

@Tankfly same where I'm from too!

Add her on Facebook and send her a message saying hello you...

Definitely this!

I do think there's a lot more to this as PPs have pointed out. He may be a decent guy who's just enjoying the attention but, IME, everyone is fallible.

All it take's (particularly with a man) is for an unusually pushy female to make a move.

If it was affecting me this much, I'd probably want to do something about it. How does he feel about asking her flat out why she keeps looking at him. Either in person in school or over Facebook since she's so desperate to connect with him on there. If she plays dumb, maybe he could say "perhaps I'm the weird one then, because I kept noticing it and it was creeping me out!" Or if she responds all flirting, he should shut her down by telling her he's happily married and would never be interested. And then you can go into the playground with him randomly.... a few times just to hammer the message home.

But I would only resort to this if it was truly bothering me that much. Otherwise I wouldn't bother with it, she's making a fool of herself either way

All it take's (particularly with a man) is for an unusually pushy female to make a move.

Well, that and his own active decision to take her up on it and go ahead with whatever number of actions that on his own part constitute infidelity. Or had you forgotten?

How do men manage to run the world if they're this incapable and without agency?

Christ, the man’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. He’s honest, but apparently that’s a warning sign. Presumably it would also be a warning sign if he’d stayed schtum?

Maybe he likes the attention (erm, who wouldn’t be quietly a little bit flattered, even if they really would have preferred for the situation not to have arisen), maybe he accepted a FB request out of awkwardness. It doesn’t sound like he’s about to run off into the sunset with her. He sounds somewhere between bemused and baffled, and now his partner is acting as if HE’S the one at fault here!

Either you trust your partner or you don’t but some of the demands suggested here - that he must blank her, he must stop doing the school run - are quite bonkers.

As for her, let her get on with making a tit of herself. She’ll find someone else to latch on to soon enough. (I had an acquaintance who, when newly divorced, hawked herself round her friends’ husbands. She stopped that fairly quickly )

This would bother me, but I'd ignore it. She's making a right tit of herself so leave her to it.

The Facebook thing is weird though. Adding someone you don't really know means she's basically been acting like the World's shittest Columbo and done a bit of detective work to find him. If I got a friend request from a random dad I didn't know from the school gates I'd be a bit, "WTF?" It's a distinctly odd thing to do.

The poster who said you sounded "unhinged", who then did a name change to pretend to be someone else to back themselves up made me smile this morning though. Some folk on here are ridiculous.

@Stratfordplace

Get out of the car with him next time and walk in with him chatting and laughing

This. And make sure you're dressed as if you're meeting your worst enemy

Nearly all the DM's have an eye for the vice principal in DS's school, including myself he is tall, handsome, looks great in a suit. If he was in a different setting it might be different there is something about a lone man amongst a lot of women.
Agree with pp I'd watch on a day he isn't aware as you'd be surprised at his reaction when you're not around he's probably greeting her with a big hello too.

Truly amazed at the amount if people who think that men need either protecting or fighting over.
A man faced with an offer from another woman will either take it or not, depending on his own personality, circumstances, morals, whatever.
There is nothing any if you can do if a man isn't committed to being faithful.
Yes, you can temporarily head off 'the competition' with threats or restrictions, but who wants a lifetime of vigilance and policing?
Surely the important thing is choosing to be faithful, not faithfulness by default because you remove all other options.