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To think Horrible Histories should run Med cruises?

101 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 31/03/2021 05:30

Our DSs (8yo and 6yo) are obsessed with history and DS1 particularly wants to see the pyramids, the Acropolis and the Coliseum. DH and I felt a bit weak at the thought of organising our own jaunts to these places so thought a Mediterranean cruise would be a handy compromise - a hop-on-hop-off of antiquities if you will. (We wouldn’t be going until at least 2022, obvs...)

Sure enough, there are plenty of cruises covering just the itinerary we’re after...but they’re all clearly geared to the middle-aged/elderly market and appear to be deliberately placed in term times, presumably to minimise kids annoying their usual clientele, which I totally get.

But it got me thinking...there are so many ‘Horrible’ offshoots. Why doesn’t the Horrible Histories lot charter one/some of these ships during British/European school holiday times? Instead of the showgirls, they could have pop up actors on board doing Awful Egyptians skits before Alexandria, Rotten Romans before Italy, Athenian-Spartan Wife Swap before Greece etc. They could have food which approximates the local cuisine as a gentle introduction to the different foods in each region (our DSs are fussy as fuck and would live on chips and pizza for the duration of any trip like this otherwise Hmm).

We would totally pay for that and our DSs would absolutely bloody love it. Are we the only ones?

(If this is a scathingly brilliant idea, Terry Deary, you may PM me for bank details for the ensuing royalties Grin)

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 31/03/2021 14:28

It’s a fab idea and the stage show could be the night before you get to a destination so the kids can see what was being talked about. A complimentary HH book in each cabin and the dvd set for watching on the tv. I think you need to contact some cruise lines to pitch this!

Devlesko · 31/03/2021 14:28

Maybe approach them and see what they say, OP.

jackstini · 31/03/2021 14:28

We'd book! I think it's a brilliant idea

We are looking at doing one in a couple of years and will be choosing the ship carefully dependant on intinerary and facilites - but also the average age on board!

stillcrazyafterall · 31/03/2021 14:56

We'd go (kids grown up but who cares, we still occasionally watch HH) the only way I'd get DH on a cruise!!

UnderHisAye · 31/03/2021 15:04


So *@ElphabaTheGreen*, I told my sister. Her response was “We already do that, but classier”. I said HH would attract a new audience of families with children under 10. She said “we don’t want children onboard”. So that told me.

Cruise ships are giant floating petri dishes at the best of times, imagine how rank they would be if half the guests were snotty kids Envy

Also, please no to Brian Cox. You'd hear his self-satisfied boomy nonsense in every single room right across the ship. I'd be willing to recreate Titanic to escape.
ZiggyBaby · 31/03/2021 15:05

I'd be up for that and I don't even have kids!

Dixiechickonhols · 31/03/2021 15:13

Great idea. Do look at Disney cruises they are school hol dates and obviously family friendly. They used to do a 10 night med one visiting lots of places. They do a from dover sailing too.

ElphabaTheGreen · 31/03/2021 15:16


So *@ElphabaTheGreen*, I told my sister. Her response was “We already do that, but classier”. I said HH would attract a new audience of families with children under 10. She said “we don’t want children onboard”. So that told me.

That’s patently obvious by their refusal to have dates within school holidays. I get it, I do - retirees don’t want the hassle of screaming kids when they’re on a break. So have school holiday dates for the families with kids and term time dates for the pensioners??

As an aside, have cruises been considered ‘classy’ at any point since the Titanic hit the bottom of the ocean? I hardly think HH would be lowering the tone...
OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 31/03/2021 15:21

@UnderHisAye - good job you're not likely to be considered part of any cruise-ship company marketing department's ideal audience then eh? Grin

UnderHisAye · 31/03/2021 15:54


Anyway - years ago on here someone posted about having a sex dream about Brian Blessed and how he was so 'boomy and grateful' and I absolutely cannot look at him the same since Grin

BikeRunSki · 31/03/2021 16:16

I think it’s a cracking idea. My sister is loon with adult chikdren. There are Disney Cruises, but bud be 100 x happier to pay for HH “live in situ” than Disney. The silver sailors and primary kids don’t have to go on the same trip!

PussGirl · 31/03/2021 16:17

I used to love watching HH with DS when he was younger Smile

Stupid deaths, stupid deaths... Grin

MenaiMna · 31/03/2021 16:54

I would love to work one of those!

Lalliella · 31/03/2021 19:43


So *@ElphabaTheGreen*, I told my sister. Her response was “We already do that, but classier”. I said HH would attract a new audience of families with children under 10. She said “we don’t want children onboard”. So that told me.

That’s very negative and short-sighted of your sister @BikeRunSki. Does she not realise the potential of tapping into the yummy mummy / middle class family market?
DramaAlpaca · 31/03/2021 19:47

Ooh, I'd happily come along with DH. I reckon history mad DS aged 23 would be joining us (as long as he could have his own cabin). We've done a couple of cruises and they were fun, but this would be next level

BikeRunSki · 31/03/2021 20:39

I have told her @Lalliella. I think it’s a great idea.

I never said that my sister and I agreed on anything.

chiefbrain · 01/04/2021 17:28

This is a great idea. I would love to go on a tour like this. We are big HH fans in this house.

margotleadbeter · 01/04/2021 17:41

I'd do this with my critters. HH with horrible science thrown in. Awesome! You've found your USP @ElphabaTheGreen

Montysauras · 01/04/2021 17:58

Yep sign me up please (26) Grin

RedRec · 01/04/2021 18:11

As long as Mat Baynton was there dressed as a highwayman.

MoonfacedMilksop · 01/04/2021 18:14

redrec maybe he could do late night specials for the mums in his highwayman outfit

TaraR2020 · 01/04/2021 18:17

Tbf I'm an adult and would like to go on this holiday

Lucyccfc68 · 01/04/2021 18:50

Not sure where you are looking OP, but I have been on 2 cruises around Europe during the school holidays. First one was with P and O. Didn’t see many kids during the day, although we were told there were 500 of them aboard. Parents must have dumped them in the kids clubs. Evenings were great for my DS, he was 12 at the time. He spent most nights playing pool and table tennis with other lads his age.

The 2nd cruise we did with Royal Caribbean when he was 13, also had loads of kids his age. He loved it and made some lovely friends. Loads to do on the ship. Flow rider, pools, water slide, mini golf, table tennis, VR trampolines, football, climbing wall.

We didn’t do any organised excursions ashore, as I thought they were expensive. We just got off and did our own thing.

Cruises are one of his favourite type of holidays. He would have loved a HH type cruise when he was younger.

ElphabaTheGreen · 01/04/2021 19:28

The exact itinerary that we want - Alexandria/Athens/Rome essential, anything else optional - is not available in school holidays with any company we can find. Loads do those places in the one trip, but only in term time. DH looked through about four or five pages of lists from multiple different lines. We don’t just want any old cruise around the Med (yes, there’s plenty of those at the right time, but miss out at least two of the three places on our ‘essential’ list) - we’re being quite specific because of where the DCs want to go.

It just strikes me as a pretty common combination of destinations that people with history-geek families would want to go in one hit, yet no cruise companies seem to spot that market. With the added bonus of Ra Ra Cleopatra, famous beauty coming at ya.

Tell me now - if some cruise company does come out with this in a year’s time, can I show this thread and sue for millions?

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