Wanting the house back to myself

[Estherpologist]

I get that lockdown has meant so many people have had to work from home, and the kids couldn't go to school, but having been the one who gave up their career to be the full time parent, and being the one who hasn't had the luxury of being able to leave the office at the end of the day and go home from their workplace, because home has been my workplace for 12yrs, am I being unreasonable for wanting the house back to myself during the day? Now that the kids are back at school (holidays notwithstanding) am I being unreasonable to be just a bit at the announcement "I'm probably going to work from home from now on"?

I genuinely feel that my marriage is over now that my husband is at home full time.
I work part time, 3/4 days a week (and have done all through the pandemic) so I’m not there all the time but whenever I am so is he. I fully understand he has as much right to be there as me but over the last year all his annoying little habits have grated more with each passing day and when he happily told me that he could choose to go back to the office or wfh forever and that he had chosen the wfh option I went off for a secret cry.

I like the time I get before other people expect to be able to interact with me.

Some days it's short.

I get it ☝️

DH feeds 2 year old copious amounts of chocolates, tells us off every few hours for being noisy, doesn't tidy up after himself, feel like I have a grumpy teenage son! It's been over 12 months been couped up together, it's not normal!

Totally agree, can't get the bloody 'young adults' out of the house, bloody online uni🤬

Oohh I've just heard that mine are going back after Easter until they finish in May! So about 6 weeks 'free'. Now I'll just keep my fingers crossed for great weather (and no further lockdown) so DH can go birdwatching/photographing and I should get a few days a week home alone 😁 bliss.

You’ve had the luxury of NOT having to travel to and from a workplace all these years.

I get that it’s different, change is stressful, but why shouldn’t your other half enjoy working from home if he can? It sounds really mean to say you want him in the office so you get the house all to yourself.

You could always get a job outside the house if sharing it bothers you.

How entitled can you get.

You expect the other one to work full time, pay for everything AND to get out of the way so you can relax and have your me -time when you can't even bother to work full-time too.

Wanting peace and quiet is perfectly reasonable. No one has denied that.

Expecting the other one to only have access to the house to sleep maybe and not get in your way?
Seriously, there's no word.

Bet it's people like this who then moan if their wishes are granted and the partner take on a hobby keeping them out of the house for entire days.

honestly if DH was telling me he expected me to go back to the office so he could enjoy the house, I'd tell him to go and earn his own money and get out of MY way.

Because I am childish, I might even suggest a planning giving access to the house based on the income brought to the family .

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

It's one of the things I miss the most, and I never had much time in the house by myself but I have literally not been alone in the house for a year.

If DH isn't here then DD is or the other way round. I don't really know why I miss it as it's not like there's any illicit activity I'd like to be able to do, but I think it's just having absolute knowledge I could sit down with a coffee and book and KNOW that no one would run downstairs to ask me a question, or suddenly need to tell me they need a wee, or decide it's immediately imperative that I watch them do something.

Tell them you want quiet time and sort out how to get it.

I'd kill to have the house to myself again - can't get on with anything when it is full of people sitting about like poppy dogs!

I am totally with you! I have been a SAHP for coming up 4 years. I used to treasure my time with an empty house to get all the housework done and just enjoy the peace knowing when the kids came home from school I could actually spend time with them and same for my DH.
He gets to come and go as he pleases even the last year of being either furloughed or WFH. We have had builders in as well since last spring and I just long for the day when I have the house to myself to get things done without being asked to do 20 other things at the same time! Should be the week after next not that I'm counting!

*loppy dogs, not poppy dogs

Behave yourself autocarrot

Fuck sake the sense of entitlement of some posters is astonishing.
Maybe just maybe your husbands would like you to get the fuck out some time as well so they can have their quiet time

@thevicarstroketwice

Out of curiosity, how will people who believe they are entitled to the house to themselves and the full-time working partner must get out of the way... how will manage when your partner retires?

My retired husband went out to meet his mates and have a game of dominoes, or to watch cricket/football/ play bowls and a pint three afternoons a week. We'd walk the dogs together.

Now we walk the dogs together (it takes two people - 3 energetic dogs) and he doesn't go anywhere.

@broadstrokes

Totally get it, I can’t get on the same to get all the stuff done at home if everyone is there or get annoyed they are not helping. I can get more done in a empty house in 1 hour than a house full all day long. Regardless of wether I funded that house or not - not a nice comment!!

It's such a relief to see that it's not just me. I can't be as productive or focused with everyone at home either and I don't quite understand why!

Me too!

The spectacular misunderstanding on here is classic.

We are at the end of a year of lockdown.

So, prior to lockdown, many of us did things out of the house, like go to the gym,or go out with friends, or travel for work, or just ANYTHING.

For those of us at home, (I wfh) instead of having a week full of ebb and flow of people, everyone is there all the time and it is bloody exhausting.

All the OP wants in some alone time.
How is that hard to understand?
In her case her dh wfh has massively impinged on her daily life.
It requires readjustment.

It really is not about entitlement and 'get a job' and 'I'm sure he would liek time alone too'

It isn't either/or. She needs time in the house alone. I'm sure he does to. Or not, some people don't. If we weren't in the middle of Covid, some of that happens naturally.
One person goes out for a drink
The other pope to shops
One meets a friend
The other goes and does Sat am Park Run
etc etc
But non of those things are happening are they? so we are 24/7 with same people and no decompression space or time.

Worse if you have kids I think, especially teens/young adults as there is no evening.

I'm with you OP.

I can't be as productive or focused with everyone at home either and I don't quite understand why!

you feel guilty for spending so much time on MN?

I am with you 10000000000%

I cannot WAIT for DH to fuck off back to work after Easter and take his monitor, keyboard, jacket, plates, books, notepad, cables, extension & leads and briefcase back with him so I can have my dining room back to eat in and pick up three months of crumbs from under the table.

Agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

He works away three days a week pre Covid, and so I am so excited about those three days away and two days in a local office.

I long for the solitude and to be able to potter in a tidy house without turning round and finding him there.

steppemum
The spectacular misunderstanding on here is classic.

Oh the irony...

All the OP wants in some alone time.
she can. She just doesn't get to expect to have that alone time in a shared house.

We have never been in such a strict lockdown and forbidden to leave the house more than 1 hour a week.

The rest of us manage to find time alone, with kids and both partners working full time, funny that.

You might have that entitled feeling a "stay at home" partner is entitled to time alone in the house. You are unreasonable. And cringey.

it's funny how the working partner is good enough to pay the bills, but not good enough to spend time in their own home.

I have loved having my family working from home.....family lunches, all in at the same time for dinner (son normally works shifts but online 9-5 at mo). I work afternoons so a cuppa always waiting for me.
Just would like one day so I can clean thoroughly without tripping over someone making another drink/snack.

Totally get this OP. Best case scenario June here.

I just want to have a cup of coffee and read a book undisturbed.

thevicarstroketwice

I didn’t get married in the basis we would spend every waking moment together without anyone else ever!

What rubbish

God no YADNBU - I work but part time and self employed so flexible. DH used to work up in London with a long commute so was often tired, I don't wish that lifestyle back on him but having him working at home all the time is bloody annoying - not that I can have friends over for coffee at the moment but I feel as if I couldn't, and I have to check if he's on a call before hoovering or doing anything noisy. DD's back at college part time now and other DD at uni which helps but for the best part of the last year we've had four adults living and working full time in a fairly small house - I'm just longing for some time in the house by myself. I won't necessarily DO anything different, it's more the sense of space and peace I'm longing for.

What do you get up to that you need the whole house to be empty?

But seriously, if your partner is working surely they're going to be confined to one room for most of the time during work hours. How does that impede you? I'm in a small flat with my partner who works from home and I get plenty of time to myself when I'm off on a day he works.