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Original poster

Wanting the house back to myself

284 replies

Estherpologist · 30/03/2021 22:35

I get that lockdown has meant so many people have had to work from home, and the kids couldn't go to school, but having been the one who gave up their career to be the full time parent, and being the one who hasn't had the luxury of being able to leave the office at the end of the day and go home from their workplace, because home has been my workplace for 12yrs, am I being unreasonable for wanting the house back to myself during the day? Now that the kids are back at school (holidays notwithstanding) am I being unreasonable to be just a bit at the announcement "I'm probably going to work from home from now on"?

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 01/04/2021 13:34

I do think it's hard to do paid childcare with the family present. I used to do childminding years ago and if the mum had a day off she'd sometimes come with us to play group and bring the gran. The mum was fabulous, never made me feel watched or judged but I could definitely feel that the gran wasn't entirely comfortable with someone who wasn't family making decisions/caring for the child.

steppemum · 01/04/2021 13:40

the day all the kids went back to school. I just sat in the kitchen. Just. Sat.

It was such a relief.

and my kids are teens and really great and got on with their work, mostly in their rooms etc, but it was just too much.

thevicarstroketwice · 01/04/2021 14:20

Really shocked at these responses. Clearly no one else understands.
I do.

People do understand. They also understand that the full-time working partner has the house for themselves one day a week.. never.

It's their house just as much. It's perfectly reasonable to say it's more than normal to share your house, and if you want privacy, it's up to you to go out.

Not to expect the other one to get out of your way! I mean if you do want your own house, you are free to buy it?

AmyLou100 · 01/04/2021 14:26

I am currently a sahm and I love dh wfh. He is such a hands on and fair person it makes my life as a sahm so so SO much easier. He takes his lunch over school run time so he is able to pick ds up. I wasn't feeling well this week. He picked ds up and kept him busy whilst working while I had a nap here and there. I would have never been able to do this previously.
He gets ds ready and does breakfast with him because he doesn't need to leave earlier to get to work. Makes our entire morning so much more relaxed.
There are times I would love to have some quiet but the benefits far outweigh. We are both introverts as well so we clearly understand the importance of alone time and give that to each other.

harknesswitch · 01/04/2021 14:55

I'm with you op. I've worked from home for years and when my dc were home schooling I really missed the peace it gave me. I was putting the bunting out when they went back to school. Thankfully my dh is a driver so he's been out of the house during the day

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 14:59

Vicar, clearly you too totally misunderstand.

Wanting space at home, has been explained to you, but you can't grasp the concept? Hmm

BustopherPonsonbyJones · 01/04/2021 15:48

It’s interesting. How would you feel the person working away from home asked you to remove yourself from the house for six hours once a week? It’s only fair to give them ‘me time’ too. They might have to endure the company of work colleagues and then return to a house where they have to endure more company, never ever getting the chance to be alone. It would be interesting to find out as I’m sure many would value the chance for silence and solitude too. It might be a good time to reset and adapt new habits.

randomsabreuse · 01/04/2021 15:54

The full time working partner could well have a weekend day to themselves if they didn't impinge on the getting stuff done time in the week. If weekday chores get delayed due to important work requiring quiet then I can't take the kids out for the whole day as I've got stuff that needs done at home but is too noisy.

thevicarstroketwice · 01/04/2021 16:11

@Oblomov21

Vicar, clearly you too totally misunderstand.

Wanting space at home, has been explained to you, but you can't grasp the concept? Hmm

You seem to misunderstand my post and not comprehend that I don't agree?

But thanks for the goady post because I don't agree with you Wink

thevicarstroketwice · 01/04/2021 16:12

Out of curiosity, how will people who believe they are entitled to the house to themselves and the full-time working partner must get out of the way... how will manage when your partner retires?

Franticbutterfly · 01/04/2021 16:17

My DH and I have had this exact conversation. We both agreed that it's nice not to have eyes on oneself sometimes. Not for any reason (we aren't doing anything we wouldn't be should others be around) but it's refreshing (especially for introverts who like to be alone occasionally) to be totally alone.

randomsabreuse · 01/04/2021 16:20

I'd hope that retired partner would have some kind of hobby that might at least involve some time out of the house. Or I would have one too.

In normal times I'd be out 1 night a week plus some weekends for my hobby, plus a few other bits. DH would be off doing his stuff and we'd take the DC to stuff too (zoo, museum, show) and have space just happening without any conscious thought.

Yep there are days out that are fun as a family but there are plenty of things that paying for only one essential adult to suffer (paw patrol live for example) is better (and cheaper) for all concerned...

Osirus · 01/04/2021 16:23

@honeylulu

Maybe it's time for you to get a job? The house isn't just yours you know. I'm the main breadwinner in our family and I'd be hurt and offended to discover my husband didn't want me in the house I'd funded.

Everyone likes their own space at times, fair enough but you have no greater right to it than your partner.

This. Absolutely.
MirandaWest · 01/04/2021 16:23

I understand the feeling. I’ve worked from home for the past 5 years and have enjoyed the space and then being able to take an interest in what DH and the DC have been doing when they get back from work/school.

DH is now permanently working from home. We do have a converted double garage so we have enough space - but as part of his work he trains people so that can be quite intrusive. And there are times when he keeps asking me things and I feel bad saying I need to concentrate but sometimes I wish things could be how they were when he’d sometimes work from home.

Headphones have helped. And children being back at school is also good. But I do understand where you are coming from.

Osirus · 01/04/2021 16:27

A homemaker or housewife, whatever is not a job. It’s doing what many, many women have done for very many generations. It’s just family life.

I only work a few hours a week so I’m pretty much a housewife too. It’s not a bloody job in the slightest. Yes there is cleaning to do and kids to sort. It’s not work though. It’s having a family.

Abracadabra12345 · 01/04/2021 16:28

@Brownteddybear

I get it too OP. I wish everyone would get back to work so I could work in peace again. And that goes for the whole neighbourhood not just my family! Wink
Yes no ones mentioned the neighbours! Everyone is at home all the bloody time
spooktrain · 01/04/2021 17:28

@PrintempsAhoy

What would you like to do that you can’t now?
BE ALONE
blackrimmedspecs · 01/04/2021 17:30

Totally agree, can't get the bloody 'young adults' out of the house, bloody online uni🤬

Yogalola · 01/04/2021 17:36

My suggestion would be if you’ve a garden and the funds get a summer house either for yourself to chill in, or to be used as the home office for the workers. Working at home saves on travelling and new clothes to impress at work.

Keepyourdistance000 · 01/04/2021 17:39

I wish my borderline abusive DH would fuck off back to the office instead of WFH 5 days a week.

Was even better when he worked away during the week.

My unemployment and getting no space from him is slowly killing me.

mariominder · 01/04/2021 17:41

Being home alone can be a wonderful feeling, was always important to me even when I was the parent who went out to work. Everyone should have at least a shot of it. Now though, we're older - DH has limited mobility, can't/doesn't really get out except for medical appointments, stopped going to them in taxis because kind of shielding, so if he does I drive. Have hardly been alone in the house since he was in hospital three years ago, certainly not over the past year. Not complaining, needs must - but do relish it while you can!

Seriously1996 · 01/04/2021 17:42

OP isn’t saying she wants everyone to move out and be totally alone forever . She just wants a bit of me time in her home

ItsMarch · 01/04/2021 17:51

Totally get it OP!!!
Jeasus what I wouldn’t give for a day of peace.

gonerogue · 01/04/2021 17:53

I work part time - and DH has been working from home for the last year now.

His return to the office has been pushed back and pushed back - at this stage it will be 2022.

He will be WFH mostly even then - maybe in the office 1/2 days a week. I have asked him to try and get his office days on a day where I have no work and am at home on my own.

There is something really healthy about being able to identify these needs / wants, and even healthier in a relationship to be able to put your needs and wants ahead of your possible discomfort at your partner's reaction to the request.

Singlenotsingle · 01/04/2021 17:54

You don't need a whole house to yourself surely? I'm in the bedroom where the sunshine is pouring in the window, tv on, mumsnetting. Dp is in the lounge, with his batshit cat, playing some sort of computer game and listening to music. We're both happy.

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