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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting the house back to myself

284 replies

Estherpologist · 30/03/2021 22:35

I get that lockdown has meant so many people have had to work from home, and the kids couldn't go to school, but having been the one who gave up their career to be the full time parent, and being the one who hasn't had the luxury of being able to leave the office at the end of the day and go home from their workplace, because home has been my workplace for 12yrs, am I being unreasonable for wanting the house back to myself during the day? Now that the kids are back at school (holidays notwithstanding) am I being unreasonable to be just a bit at the announcement "I'm probably going to work from home from now on"?

OP posts:

PrintempsAhoy · 30/03/2021 22:41

What would you like to do that you can’t now?

Unreasonabubble · 30/03/2021 22:41

No definitely not unreasonable. I think if I lived with someone who announced they were going to WFH, I would start volunteering or get a job that had me out of the house 5 days a week.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2021 22:46

Everyone went out today

Was amazing

Pottered round without any fucker talking to me

RogueMNerKnowsNoShame · 30/03/2021 22:49

I understand where you're coming from, but isn't it their home too?
Do they contribute to it?

honeylulu · 30/03/2021 22:50

Maybe it's time for you to get a job? The house isn't just yours you know.
I'm the main breadwinner in our family and I'd be hurt and offended to discover my husband didn't want me in the house I'd funded.

Everyone likes their own space at times, fair enough but you have no greater right to it than your partner.

activitythree · 30/03/2021 22:51

You gave up your career and now work from home but don't want your husband to continue working from home?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 30/03/2021 22:54

It's one of the things I miss the most, and I never had much time in the house by myself but I have literally not been alone in the house for a year.

If DH isn't here then DD is or the other way round. I don't really know why I miss it as it's not like there's any illicit activity I'd like to be able to do, but I think it's just having absolute knowledge I could sit down with a coffee and book and KNOW that no one would run downstairs to ask me a question, or suddenly need to tell me they need a wee, or decide it's immediately imperative that I watch them do something.

womanity · 30/03/2021 22:56

I get it. I’ve wfh forever, DH’s wfh days were creeping up even before lockdown, and now ofc, he’s a permanent fixture.

He’s not annoying, he’s just there. I’d quite like him back in an office. (Not yet, am not a monster.)

Howshouldibehave · 30/03/2021 22:58

Do you mean you want to work from home but you don’t want your partner to?

Nice!

Passthebubbly · 30/03/2021 22:58

Totally get it, I can’t get on the same to get all the stuff done at home if everyone is there or get annoyed they are not helping. I can get more done in a empty house in 1 hour than a house full all day long. Regardless of wether I funded that house or not - not a nice comment!!

GrandDuchessRomanov · 30/03/2021 23:00

Now you see why so many couples split following retirement!

broadstrokes · 30/03/2021 23:04

YANBU. I work pt from home but I have found it really really hard having DH here full time as I very much miss the few hours I used to have to myself every day. Added to which we have teens who have been taking out their lockdown angst mainly on me. DH is lovely but he is physically very large and somehow physically dominates any space he is in. He is also very messy. And he wears headphones for Zoom calls all day and doesn't realise how loud he is being. I shouldn't complain as we have a fairly big house and garden and we are very privileged to be able to work from home but I am so sick of cleaning and cooking and picking up after everyone and living life to fit in with everyone else's timetable. I am desperate to spend some time alone.

thevicarstroketwice · 30/03/2021 23:08

YABU

why should you be the only allowed at home?

You are free to gain the "luxury" to leave the office at the end of the day, and have the "luxury" to find a job out of the house.

Isn't the person who has to work full time at home allowed to have some time alone too? Did you ask them if they get a bit claustrophobic with someone else always there?

YouKnowItsTrue · 30/03/2021 23:14

I’m with you OP

Ocsetldil · 30/03/2021 23:15

When I’m on my own I like to give my body a food airing and sing operettas in a falsetto voice. Call it my Zen Time. I can’t do that when anyone else is at home.

It’s been a year. A whole year.

broadstrokes · 30/03/2021 23:17

It's such a relief to see that it's not just me. I can't be as productive or focused with everyone at home either and I don't quite understand why!

pastabest · 30/03/2021 23:17

@LaurieFairyCake

Everyone went out today

Was amazing

Pottered round without any fucker talking to me

Poor AnyFucker

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2021 23:21

She won't mind

Hazel444 · 30/03/2021 23:24

I can't imagine being that territorial about the family home. Sounds like the real issue is you are yearning to get back out into the workplace and so maybe your time as a SAHM has come to an natural end with the kids at school.

Firenight · 30/03/2021 23:27

I get it. Now WFH longterm with my husband. Nothing left to talk about bar domestic life and so bored for lack of any other input after a year of this. Both of us in the same boat.

Firenight · 30/03/2021 23:28

And if I take a day off I have to go out. I cant lounge around or do yoga or wven hoover as its still a home office.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 30/03/2021 23:32

I work full time and contribute more to the household finances. I also work shifts which means pre lockdown I regularly had days to myself. On some of those days the grandparents would do the school run and have the kids until wayyy past tea time. I lived for those bloody days! I HATE having to think about and provide meals for people even if I don't want one. DH is amazing and contributes probably over 50% in terms of chores and parenting but cooking is mostly my domain. I totally feel you OP. I don't understand why all humans don't yearn for alone time because it is literally my way of relaxing. I love my family but I take restoration and recovery when I'm alone. lockdown has been LONG!

It's. It about who did what. It's about needing some time to yourself. To sleep, to pick your nose, to sing at the top of your lungs, to just... be

twoastars · 30/03/2021 23:32

YANBU I'm with you there

Badgersmummy25 · 30/03/2021 23:33

Totally get you, I only get 3 hours alone time during term time and my husband ensures that whilst he is always "too busy" to help with the kids at all, even during homeschooling etc when I was on my knees attempting to juggle 2 of them, that he should then come into the lounge and hang out and try and chat, during my one bit of peace for the day. It just annoys me that when I need help he is no where to be seen, but when I could just try and relax for 5 minutes he is in my face asking why xyz isn't done and wanting to chat about the news etc arghhhh

Original poster

Estherpologist · 31/03/2021 07:45

Thanks you all so much.

Just to be clear, giving up my career doesn't mean I gave up work - I still do freelance work from home as well as all the housewifey bits, but not being able to work full time has done irreparable damage to my career. And I don't want the house to myself all the time and don't begrudge the rest of the family having it to themselves either, especially when I only win a bit of the bread.

I'm so relieved it's not just me that's more efficient and feels more able to get things done when I'm on my own. I don't understand why having someone else in the house when there's stuff to do makes it harder to be motivated and it worries me that it feels so stifling. But knowing I'm not the only one is helpful.

Thank you, even to those who think I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:

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