Wanting the house back to myself

[Estherpologist]

I get that lockdown has meant so many people have had to work from home, and the kids couldn't go to school, but having been the one who gave up their career to be the full time parent, and being the one who hasn't had the luxury of being able to leave the office at the end of the day and go home from their workplace, because home has been my workplace for 12yrs, am I being unreasonable for wanting the house back to myself during the day? Now that the kids are back at school (holidays notwithstanding) am I being unreasonable to be just a bit at the announcement "I'm probably going to work from home from now on"?

@BustopherPonsonbyJones

Some people have very nice lives. If I am reading this properly, people are sad because they can’t sing songs, play the piano or have the TV on in case it disturbs partners who are working from home in a paid job. I guess it would be bit annoying if you have always had the option to do exactly what you choose during the day but you are incredibly privileged to have the chance to be at home, not working, and with children at school for six hours. I’d swap and take the annoyance! I’m guessing this was meant to be ‘light-hearted’?

I'm also wondering when the partners that work get to have the house to themselves to play the piano, sing songs and watch TV in the day?

Me too! DH hear all the time... Just sometimes I'd like to walk around without being talked to or have train of thought disturbed. He no doubt thinks the same about me as I didnt used to WFH.

@Hardbackwriter I can't speak for the OP but me and DH both work, him from home and usually me at the office. So he would get some time alone, and I he would before occasionally be out so I would get some time in the house alone too. It's not something noticeable in usual times but after a year I do find it odd only being alone when one of us does nursery run.

I completely get it op . I crave just being in the house on my own for a few hours a day .l.love my family dearly but just need my own space at times and am sure we as a family all agree and are not offended.
I have even resorted to going out in my car and parking somewhere for an hour to read without having to speak to anyone!!

Am LIVING for the day I get some head/house space. YANBU.

Feel exactly the same. Normally my DH would have to take time off work for us to get any alone time as we don’t have outside support or baby sitters, and loved having him home, but now I just want him to get out from under my feet. He told me last week he’s been given the option to start working in the office later in the year, I may have jumped a bit quickly and him saying yes 😬

Yanbu to want him out at work. But you can't insist on it. Why not get a job then you can get out of the house yourself.

I am with you on this. I think that in reality many people will end up back in the office more than they anticipate. When a few start going in, then a few more, then people at home start getting overlooked and miss out on stuff they will see the benefits.

Also most people just don’t have space to dedicate to home offices if it’s a permanent thing.
As time goes on I’m hoping that both me and DH will go out more generally as more will be open.
I’ve been looking at renting a coworking desk or small office locally as I just hate the wfh full time idea for us both.

@Seeline

My DH is even working when he would normally be commuting and then extra as well. So basically it is impossible to do anything noisy or disruptive from about 8 - 7. Some evenings he even goes back after we've eaten.

I think I can probably count the times I have been in the house on my own in the last year on one hand. He did go into the office for one day at the beginning of September, but DS hadn't left for uni.

God yes, none of this gaining time for family stuff here... my dh is working 7:30am to roughly 7pm now plus sometimes more after dinner because everybody being remote has made things take longer. My home now has a vibe of the workplace (his, very shouty aggro workplace) about it all day long. There's a reason I didn't pursue the profession he's in - and I don't really want to be around it all day long. I miss my 'leisure time' husband.

I wfh before the pandemic but we have only one office and I am very disciplined about hours and boundaries as a freelancer.

Interesting, scrolling through, the recurrent theme is how impossible it is to get stuff done when you aren't allowed to make any noise due to calls, zooms, teams etc. So basically the issue isn't so much having no alone time, it's having to share space with someone who expects the world around them to stop to facilitate their diary. I can see that getting tiresome after about 5 minutes.

@LaurieFairyCake

Everyone went out today

Was amazing

Pottered round without any fucker talking to me

I enjoy the peace when I don’t have any fucker talking AT me, whether it’s DSs ramblingly incoherent tales of who said or did what at school, or DHs monologues on something that happened at work (upstairs) that I have absolutely no understanding of, and then I get to hear him phoning other people to talk about it again. Oh, and he’s not planning on going back into the office, ever.

I’m an introvert, I love my peace and quiet. At least Ddog doesn’t bloody talk.

@Viviennemary

Yanbu to want him out at work. But you can't insist on it. Why not get a job then you can get out of the house yourself.

Please let's not turn this in to a sahm v whom thread. As it happens, I was in the middle of transitioning from WFH pt to setting up my own business where I would have been out of the house all day when the pandemic happened and everything went belly up.

I’m looking at a new patio for the summer

I can see lots of new patios springing up in all four corners of the country this summer!

I fully understand!!
Not only that I have a house full of children , trying to homeschool it’s the constant eating and cleaning .
Finally there’s no where to escape , everyone is just stuck in the house .
For those who are deliberately spitting at the SAHM it seems so unfair to tell her to get a job or that she’s being selfish.
Come on folks . Do we really still have to have this battle.
How about a bit of compassion!

It’s really been bad for our marriage to be in the house together 24/7 for a year. I don’t think it’s a SAHM / WOHM thing at all but I always wfh sometimes and work part time so it was my normal to be here working alone. On non working days me and kids was normal but not DH. I think it’s just too much time together and being apart and having time outside the home separately was best for us.
But plus side there is an extra pair of hands if there’s a crisis so for instance I don’t have to drag kids out to pick someone up sick (oh except the time that happened and he was on the phone anyway)

Maybe the DH wants a spell at home. Without a commute every day. Can't see anything wrong with him wanting that.

I see your post as lighthearted op and I understand entirely.

The first thing I plan to do if DH goes back to London at some point is put the dogs in day care and CLEAN and then have lunch, then sleep on the sofa and then read a book.

@PrintempsAhoy

What would you like to do that you can’t now?

Be on her own in the house sometimes?

I get it. Feel exactly like you do OP. It's stifling having others around. Just one day for peace and quiet is all I ask. Unfortunately DH WFH so he is always around 🙄 just need a break.

Ive worked as a childminder for ten years. My DH has been working from home the last year.

He has taken over my office / sewing room, complains about noise from the children, asks me to make lunch and makes snarky comments about my friday 'off' (i work 45 hours over 4 days) and do training and paperwork on Fridays in term time then days with my DD in holidays.

He was on a call on Friday (being quite loud) while i was working and I heard his boss, who i also used to work for, comment it was nice not to hear kids in the background. He was told in no uncertain terms that I dont change my shitty nappies on his desk so he can keep his shitty comments to himself.

My house has been my workspace for a very long time, my business was here first and they can work around me, especially as he not has my beautiful calm office and i cant sew or go on my treadmill while hes working.

I get it OP, I am retired and have spent my life working and bringing up a family and working.
DS and DDil moved in to 2 rooms in our house when the company DS worked for went bust 2 weeks before lockdown, DH self employed has had weeks and weeks of inactivity.
Ds recently got a temp job and Ddil (a supply teacher, who has had no work for months on end) got a maternity cover job, and DH has had more work.
Last week I had a wonderful day on my OWN!! It was brilliant, just me and the cat

I totally get it. I haven't had a moment alone in my house for over 2 years. DH is always here: he never goes out alone. Yes, I go out (shopping, walk the dog etc) on my own, but it's just not the same. Just a hour of personal space now and then would be bliss.

I can't wait. When I realised that my son would probably have left school before my husband was back in the office I nearly cried. No days on my own till September!! My mental health is really suffering from the constant feeling of being with people, even though I love them.

I agree.

I live with my mother.
Since lockdown her normally busy social calender has dried up and she looks to me for entertainment.
It is exhausting.

YANBU. I love it when everyone fucks off out.