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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Double standards on mn.

744 replies

thatwasme22 · 29/03/2021 14:55

This week so far:

  1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.
  1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.
  1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 11:01

@Butwasitherdriveway ditto. 😁

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:02

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@Butwasitherdriveway ditto. 😁[/quote]
Nah you were fine. I was being the toddler Grin

CaptSkippy · 03/04/2021 11:12

[quote WiseOwlOne]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows i agree with you.

Removing double standards means v little when we are living in a world where:
Women still earn less
Women are smaller than men
Men are the ones perpetrating violence against both sexes
Women are the ones who give birth and are subjected to all of the vulnerability that entails
Women end up with more responsibility for dc
So mothers end up trapped and dependent
Women are objectifed, assaulted, harrassed
Men can on the other hand walk away if they choose to and often they do
Men can reduce their maintenance by increasing their pension contributions.

So, so cslled double standards on a forum primarily for women is not a huge worry of mine.[/quote]
Thank you for posting this. You are absolutely right. We will always be physically at a disadvantage. Men are very much aware of this and use it against us all the time. Yet, we are still required by men, and some women too, to always go:

"OMG, what about the poor, poor, men. Won't someone please think of them, because the whole world doesn't yet revolve around them as it is."

The biggest double standard is to require empathy of women at the expense of their efforts of fighting for their own rights, while giving men a pass and letting them have entire conversations about just their own woes.

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:15

@CaptSkippy

Double standards at play here in your post.

We constantly mock mens mental health like you have just done.

We wouldn't do that to women.

CaptSkippy · 03/04/2021 11:17

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@CaptSkippy

Double standards at play here in your post.

We constantly mock mens mental health like you have just done.

We wouldn't do that to women.[/quote]
That's a bit of a reach, but I'll bite.

@Butwasitherdriveway in what way have I mocked men's health with my post?

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:19

'poor men won't someone think of them' etc etc.

Imagine I wrote that about women?

CaptSkippy · 03/04/2021 11:22

@Butwasitherdriveway

'poor men won't someone think of them' etc etc.

Imagine I wrote that about women?

Oh, I can easily imagine that, because I see men write that about women all the time. I have no trouble giving men a taste of their own medicine. It seems they don't like it anymore than we women do.

Quelle surpise!

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:23

I see.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/04/2021 11:26

No I didn't!
I never said his victim lied.

I'm gonna leave it after this but you claimed Andrew Lancel was victim of a false accusation. That means you think his victim lied. What else would it mean?

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:28

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

No I didn't! I never said his victim lied.

I'm gonna leave it after this but you claimed Andrew Lancel was victim of a false accusation. That means you think his victim lied. What else would it mean?

Oh I didn't James. I don't call anyone a liar, I'm not that black and white.

My point was only ever ..how do we know? Like , really, how?

But your posts after that gave me more of an idea.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/04/2021 11:29

But thank you @Butwasitherdriveway for taking on my points about the process it's something not many people know about!

CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 11:31

Cup of tea anyone?
^
😁

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:32

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

But thank you *@Butwasitherdriveway* for taking on my points about the process it's something not many people know about!
I really enjoyed your posts, in fairness James.
Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:33

@CandyLeBonBon

Cup of tea anyone? ^ 😁
We all just need a skelped arse and bed with no tea. Grin
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 11:33

@Butwasitherdriveway 😂😂😂😂

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 11:42

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@Butwasitherdriveway 😂😂😂😂[/quote]
Thanks for tolerating me @JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows 😘

MorrisZapp · 03/04/2021 11:44

There's a definite double standard on the relationships board about infidelity.

If someone says they're in a boring, dead marriage but they plan to stay until the children are older they will unanimously be told to leave their husband now. This is so they can model a good relationship for their kids, who would much rather their parents separated than had an unfulfilling relationship. If you stay together your kids will feel crap later and blame themselves.

If someone says they're in a boring, dead marriage and there's a guy at work they've started messaging in the evening, they'll be told they are selfish, deluded and kidding themselves. Their kids will hate them for putting their own sexual needs first, the grass isn't greener on the other side, and if they ever ended up with work guy they'd quickly find that he too leaves his underpants on the bedroom floor.

So the advice is, you deserve a fulfilling adult relationship even if you have kids. That's what your kids want for you too. But if you notice any men who aren't your kids father you're a desperate cliche and not that special.

Round and round it goes.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/04/2021 11:53

@CandyLeBonBon cup of tea?! Pffft. I've got my gin glasses out here, it's sunny! Grin
Gin anyone?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/04/2021 11:56

I do actually think there are some double standards on MN but not necessarily relating to what the OP claims.

Example - MILs. If a poster's MIL wants to come and see the new baby and has the nerve to not be psychic and suggest a time that happens to be inconvenient for the OP, she's "massively" (it's always massively) overstepping boundaries.

Meanwhile the same OP has her MM actually living with her for 2 months after the baby is born and that's absolutely fine. Haven forbid a woman should want to see her son's new baby Confused

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/04/2021 11:56

*mum, not MM

(Blame the gin. It's rhubarb gin with ginger beer and it's bloody amazing)

CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 12:01

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@CandyLeBonBon cup of tea?! Pffft. I've got my gin glasses out here, it's sunny! Grin
Gin anyone?[/quote]
I'll get my glass 😁

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 12:01

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@CandyLeBonBon cup of tea?! Pffft. I've got my gin glasses out here, it's sunny! Grin
Gin anyone?[/quote]
Please.

I've got pink gin , was just debating if it's too early 😂

Since you all love my celebrity references (I'm a sucker for reality TV) you and I are Kim woodburn and all her enemies and Candy is Coleen Nolan coming in 'cup of tea, Kim?'

CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 12:03

Brilliant!

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 12:04

😂😂

MiddlesexGirl · 03/04/2021 12:06

Mumsnet is not some homogenous entity where everyone has the same views.
So we can have a discussion where the majority have sympathy with Caroline Flack but less so with Chris Brown. Yes, some of that is due to her being a woman and therefore intrinsically less capable of doing significant harm.
Some posters may complain about comparing the physical attractiveness of women and some would not - maybe because they want to ogle male politicians and know it would be hypocritical. There's nothing to stop anyone posting a thread asking for views on female politicians though I'd guess the take up on mumsnet would be lower. Could be an interesting discussion though!
As regards discussions re finances, I do think the particular circumstances of the case are relevant. So especially when the woman has reduced her capacity to earn by being the primary childcarer then the advice will be much different than to a woman who has a full time 'career' and equal or more opportunity than their partner.