Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

The ones saying about unwanted attention from men, do you think it’s only “beautiful”girls who get treated this way? Don’t be ridiculous if so, it happens to all women and girls and we all need to be aware of that and to look out for each other and teach the younger generation how to deal with it. Self defence classes aren’t a bad idea for all young girls though. Even the less pretty ones

OP your daughter sounds just lovely. I think the best thing you can teach her is humility. And that being compliant is nice but it’s also equally ok to say no to things (dates with people she doesn’t want to date, kisses from relatives she doesn’t to kiss for example. Not homework). Oh and looks change especially through puberty. And it’s all ok and normal and she’s still beautiful and looks aren’t that important anyway.

Not being goady but many exceptionally pretty girls grow into plain women. Try and leave aside praising her for her looks or encouraging her to be vain. Also prepare her for male predatory behaviour. Do that regardless of how pretty she is, no girl or young women is exempt from it.

Teach her to be herself, treat her like you would any other child. We all think our children are exceptional! Don’t we?

Why would you treat any child any differently just because of her looks? Does she need special treatment or could you just instruct her, care for her and nurture her like any other child?

@errorofjudgement

And please don’t take this the wrong way, but your DD and her friends are heading towards puberty, with acne, greasy hair, growth spurts, weight gains etc. The gawky child with crooked teeth often grows into their features, has teeth braces and emerges at 18 as beautiful. Equally the child with appealing features grows up to be moderately attractive. Both are equally beautiful to their parents though.

I was thinking this. Think of all those child actors who were so gorgeous as kids and have grown up to be fairly average looking. The features don't always mature as you'd expect.

@LifesLittleDeciders I don’t think you understood my post. I am not saying that I think my DS is some kind of model good looks, but do I think he’s unbelievably gorgeous? Yes. Is he ‘typically beautiful’ by society standards no, he’s not about to be a child model, but he’s the most beautiful thing to me. A lot of my friends feel the same way about their own kids.

I think averagely pretty women are more likely to be excluded and bitched about. It's like those with a fragile sense of themselves look at you ''ms averagely pretty'' as somebody described it upthread and they think ''well I'm above you''.

Being friendly with a stunning woman is validating to these types who are vacuums and bitches. Bitches and vacuums and covert scapegoating narcissists always always kiss up and kick down. I'm averagely pretty and I know this. Every single time some covert narcissist has determined to put me in my place and take me down a peg she has also been averagely pretty and in fact, before she set out to be a bitch to me, i had imagined we would be friendly.

So I think that stunning women are protected from a lot of the lower level machiavellian bullshit that covert narcissists engage in.

Because being friendly with a beautiful woman is validation.

I would be interested in data on this if any exists!

Or maybe it's that whatever your 'level' the woman who gives you hell is about the same 'level' but wants to make it clear she's a rung above you.

Sigh. Covert narcissists. Where would we be without them.

My ex had an exceptionally pretty daughter, he told anyone who would listen about her 'model looks', whipping out his phone at any opportunity to show photos and videos to all and sundry. Posting endlessly on social media. She was very pretty indeed, lovely big blue eyes, long blonde hair. Her dad told her ALL THE TIME about her beautiful she was. Her mother told him to stop it, that it was making her arrogant (I saw the text).

The child is now 16 and she looks like any other teenager -unexceptional. Her white blonde hair is now mousey. I'm still friends with my ex and he no longer goes on and on about how beautiful his daughter is and rarely posts photos of her on SM. Quite sad really.

I've got six GC, all perfect but one GD is very beautiful. One day she said to me, "Do you love me because I'm beautiful?" I thought it was such a sad question and told her I loved her for lots of reasons and being beautiful wasn't on the list. I worry that she thinks being beautiful is so important.

Not much help sorry. With GD I try to emphasise how funny/clever/talented/kind she is, I do tell her she looks lovely with her new hair cut or dress but try not to make that the main issue.

Cringe. Dying inside for you 🥴

@EarringsandLipstick

She is a child and will be vulnerable to men and teenage boys soon if not already.

What an appalling attitude. Human beings are vulnerable, in different ways. It's not down to her being a) beautiful b) a girl.

Also, if you are worrying about potential assault, I'm sure you realise that that is about the perpetrator & not the looks of the victim.

However, I see no need to take this attitude with a 12 yo girl. Sure, you empower them & give practical guidance. But worrying about their 'vulnerability' to men is a total misstep.

Agree with this. What makes you think its only exceptionally beautiful people that get unwanted attention? A lot of people find 'exceptionally beautiful' intimidating so wouldn't even bother approaching them

No no no Roszie pls tell me it's not true 🙈🙈🙈.

You know what OP, I kind of get it.
DD has been told she is beautiful from a very early age (usually while people look at me in confusion). She is also shy and quiet and would do anything to avoid causing offence, which I think does make her somewhat vulnerable.
She is 16 now and was very hurt and baffled a few years ago when it’s she had known for years started treating her differently and she couldn’t understand why some of her male “friends“ became quite nasty to her when she started seeing her BF.
I don’t think you need to do anything different though, just teach her her own worth and to have healthy boundaries

I thought this was going to be about exceptionally bright and I had loads of things to say as my child is an official genius. Mensa, etc.

Oh well, she is stunning too but I'm speechless.

If you don't want her life to be focused on how beautiful she looks, focus on things other than how beautiful she looks.

All children need a good foundation and education about boundaries, not just the nice looking ones. Nice looking people might have to apply those boundaries in different places, but then, so do very clever people/very short people/very anything people.

Don't bore on about appearance ( she did nothing to achieve that, good or bad) and make sure she doesn't either. It upsets me when the only description of any female is 'beautiful'. So what?

I used to have late teen colleagues. The really pretty ones were lazy and spoilt because all they had to do was flap eyelashes. This got changed but if I am ever recruiting , I would go for Plug over Claudia Schiffer.

Also, make sure she isnt just praised for being beautiful.I always say that DD is just lucky to have the best of me and DH looks wise, it’s not an achievement she worked for.

Bloody hell OP.

Try being the child that's considered the ugliest in the school - like I was. That's the child who needs help. Help with self esteem, bullying, how to feel worthy in a world that judges women on their looks, how to cope with knowing you will never get married or have children.... I could go on.

Just remember how lucky you are and get on with your life.

Just behave normally towards her, make sure she is as happy as can be and encourage her to fulfil her potential, eg anything she is good at, academically or hobby-wise, help where possible.

Encourage her to be kind and to have good values.

She will have people buzzing around her, it is a fact that attractive people attract others in all sorts of ways. That's fine as long as she learns to sort out the genuine from the fake. It is also a fact that beautiful girls experience heartbreak in relationships more than plainer ones. She is a long way off that yet though.

Just be lovely, loving parents.

Congratulations on your lovely child.

@murbblurb

Don't bore on about appearance ( she did nothing to achieve that, good or bad) and make sure she doesn't either. It upsets me when the only description of any female is 'beautiful'. So what?

I used to have late teen colleagues. The really pretty ones were lazy and spoilt because all they had to do was flap eyelashes. This got changed but if I am ever recruiting , I would go for Plug over Claudia Schiffer.

You factor a woman's appearance into your recruiting decisions?

I would treat them the same as any other child, and keep checking myself to make sure that I am!

I'm cringing reading this to be honest. I think my dd is very pretty and she regularly gets compliments from strangers but what is most amazing is she's got such a lovely caring personality shes such a kind caring child. I don't know what you really expect from this thread other than to boast really there's no special way to raise an amazing beautiful child.

The kid that was assessed by ofsted has made me roar

I don't think there's anything innately wrong with recognising that yes we have to teach 'all children' about personal safety and absolutely predators do not select victims based on looks, but at the same time recognising it is girls - not boys - who will suffer, often daily, street harassment, for example. I did from age 13. My brother didn't and my husband didn't. Not recognising that distinction seems to minimise what actually happens to girls.

If you're a particularly pretty or 'grown up' looking 12 year old girl, then sadly you'll probably be dealing with more of that day to day shit and from a younger age too.

I agree about hobbies though! Make sure she has other things to define herself by - “I’m the child who loves climbing / football / playing the trombone” etc rather than “I’m the beautiful child” should be what you put into her subconscious thoughts iyswim