Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

Are you the poster who was embarrassed to take their DC to baby groups because you didn't want the other parents seeing how beautiful your baby was and getting upset?

This is a tough one OP.

When you’re blessed with an exceptionally beautiful child there are a few basic rules you must adhere do.

They’re quite simple really:

Don’t get her wet.

Keep her out of bright light.

And never.. feed her after midnight.

There was someone in my family a couple of generations back who like your daughter was exceptionally beautiful – to the point that it's still mentioned today.

She had men after her like flies and went through multiple marriages. Her cousin grew up with crushing lack of self-esteem because of the constant comparison, whether spoken out loud or just in people's actions.

Sorry, that's not very helpful to you. But I do think you're right to be aware of potential issues.

This post is truly quite bizarre.

Weird.

Sorry OP but what do you expect to gain from this? You can't change your daughters looks so like other posters said it's up to YOU to not make her 'good looks' a big deal.

Strange post

You say she’s compliant with adults and she sounds like she isn’t bigheaded etc. Being beautiful will attract attention (much of it unwanted) and jealousy/insecurity from men and women. I would make sure that she’s confident enough to deal with these behaviours. The type of future scenario I would worry about would be an insecure boyfriend who puts her down to get his way etc.

@StormBaby

I had exactly this with my daughter; she was a mass of beautiful long blonde ringlets, massive green eyes, willowy and graceful. Never mean or rude to anyone...she’s now a 17 year old goth, 6ft tall with a shaved black and blue undercut and covered in piercings. You just have to let them get on with it. 🤣

/ end thread

Love this post

I'd reflect on your feelings towards her being compliant.I don't know when I've ever heard that word used about a child and it has hugely negative connotations for me.

Don't enter her in pageant competitions or pay a dodgy model agency a fortune for a portfolio. They prey on mums like you.

@Trytrytryasimight

Often girls put a lot of pressure on themselves in all aspects of life and struggle if they don’t do something as well as they hope, they can be quite self critical and compare their achievements to others.

So; I would always try and encourage taking part, celebrating ‘failure’ as a way of learning and accepting perceived failure as no one is the best at everything.

@Hamhockandmash I can confidently say my child looked like Mr Burns from the Simpsons for a long.. long time.

She is beautiful, but she’s inherited my larger than average forehead. I think if parents were honest we could tell you that the unconditional and beautiful love for our children doesn’t have to coincide with it’s the fact we think that there is no other child on this planet cuter than they are.

My husband is exceptionally attractive (also not a stealth boast - just one of those things). He couldn't really avoid knowing about it as it was commented on constantly. But he was brought up to realise that was a nice gift he had, but really not the be all and end all - and not to judge others by their looks (which is why he ended up with me - mrs. average). That's definitely how he sees it, as a bit incidental. I think it can create difficulties with contemporaries though, and he did have mostly much older friends until more recently (in his 40s now).
It sounds like you have the right attitude towards it - but I do wonder if she might be more vulnerable to girly bitchiness.

@DianeCherry

I have an exceptionally gifted child, academically. He was assessed by Ofsted when he was about 4 and the advice they gave me has stayed with me. Don't turn his abilities into a party piece, and praise him for all of his achievements, not just the academic ones. Things like remarking on an act of kindness or a big smile. Tell him that red t shirt really looks nice on him. That sort of thing. So he becomes a rounded human being, not just a clever one. I think there's a parallel here for your situation.

I've worked in primary education for decades and have never known ofsted to 'assess' individual children? They visit schools to make a detailed judgement on the setting, not any children!

You're taking the piss surely?

@LifesLittleDeciders

This is a tough one OP.

When you’re blessed with an exceptionally beautiful child there are a few basic rules you must adhere do.

They’re quite simple really:

Don’t get her wet.

Keep her out of bright light.

And never.. feed her after midnight.

@NearlyTheHolidays2

Teach her boundaries. That she can say no. Teach her respect of herself and others. Teach her that she's valuable. Teach her to speak out against injustices and wrongdoings. Teach her that it's okay to ask for help whatever the circumstances.

This

@PicsInRed

Pretty + compliance can result in a greater volume of male predators - including whist she is very young (now) - and also workplace bullying could be an issue for her, so you'll want her prepared to handle that.

There will be plenty of those who "neg" her to bring her down a peg or two, don't do that. Make sure her family is a very safe and un-envious, inawkward space for her. You don't want to build narcissism in her, but you do want to ferment confidence and self esteem.

This is good advice

I dunno, maybe just treat her like a normal person.

Ridiculous.

@BilboBercow

You never know op, she might grow into a very plain adult

You never know OP, there might be plenty of plain adults waiting to tell your DD exactly how plain she is once she gets there

You never know op, she might grow into a very plain adult

This.

I’m not loving the “she’s more likely to be a life for predatory men”.

Smacks a bit of “well she made herself pretty it’s her own fault”. Actually I’m not sure that IS a factor for men, it’s more to do with vulnerability and circumstance. Teach her boundaries and self belief the same as all other children.

It is a fair point to wonder whether your own experience of growing up will be applicable if you perceive her experience to be very different. I don't think it will be as different as you might imagine but probably a little. I would say keep fuss over looks to a minimum and make more of a fuss at whatever she is good at whether it's academically or a hobby etc (you didn't mention this in the first post, sorry I'd you did in subsequent posts). Bring out her interests in thr world as she is on the cusp of adolescence which is hard for all kids no matter how 'perfect' they seem as little ones.

There are different types of predators. My 17 dd and her 18 year old friend cannot even walk around a supermarket to buy hair dye without a man in his forties following them around asking them personal questions. Obviously there's the type of predator who zones in on an isolated girl or uses his position of authority but a lot of predators follow pretty girls around. I had forgotten how bad it was tbh until my DD reminded me, she cannot do any daily activity without some man trying to strike up a conversation. I told her to say ''Goodbye'' and walk off. That's not an insult per se but it's clear. She knows that you have to be careful not to injure the egos of these perves.

All girls are at risk from predators, being sexualized, jealous "friends", being valued based on their appearance and so on.

Are you asking how you should treat your daughter differently because of her appearance?