Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

Also not a stealth brag and I never speak about this kind of thing because it's not something I like to talk about (it makes me and others uncomfortable generally). But I actually experienced this growing up and I would have loved to be more prepared for the extreme reactions you get from people. I don't look anything like my mum either, her high cheekbones I got but everything else is so different. I remember a friend of my mums telling her I would receive a lot of love and a lot of jealousy in my life, and she was so right. In my experience some people, not all can be very jealous and mean. I learnt from a really young age that how people behave is about them and not you, but it can be hard at times. I have a really soft heart and years of people behaving in such extremes can be exhausting. As often as people think you are given good grace (which you often are), just as many times you will receive nasty treatment just because of how you look. I've been offered jobs I wasn't properly qualified for because of how I looked (I can't prove it but I'm pretty sure). I've also been treated exceptionally badly in roles I was very qualified for by female bosses who were jealous (also can't prove it but it was very obvious). The best thing I can advise is to teach her about the value of what's inside her and others not looks. Teach her that how people behave is about them and not her. A little psychology, even things like yoga and mindfulness. I know it sounds a little crazy but it could help her x

Hi @Trytrytryasimight apologies for not reading the whole thread, so no clue of anyone has already said this... yanbu whatsoever for realising that she is being treated differently, this was me as a teenager and I firmly believe that my personality development actually suffered because of it. I was always picked by adults to read/present/captain/head etc. and came to be deeply resented by other girls and ended up being bullied. This made me arsey & snooty, exactly what they thought I was beforehand. I do think some beautiful people are not rounded enough because they get an easy ride. I know for a fact that I got one job in my twenties because the interviewer just gawked at me, he later told someone that he’d hardly a clue what I’d said but I’d look great in the department & they’d be able to send me ‘up to town’ with bad news (civil Service 1980s). Knowing this made me ruthless in proving my worth irrespective of what I looked like & I probably wasn’t a supportive colleague because I didn’t trust anyone & I was all about me. So how do you fix it? Teach her to always be inclusive of others, and to give way to others when she’s not desperate to do the spotlight role. Teach her to be self-deprecating and to have a comeback for the inevitable “it’s all right for you because x”. My best friend’s mum once said “Oh H, you look like a dogs dinner, look at Carpe, she’d look good in a bin bag”. That one sentence was devastating for both of us! I wish I’d had the personality then to have retorted, ‘but I’ll never have H’s sense of humour’.
Also, keep her away from boys for as long as possible - attention of this sort leads to no good until... 30!

@dentaldilema

Also not a stealth brag and I never speak about this kind of thing because it's not something I like to talk about (it makes me and others uncomfortable generally). But I actually experienced this growing up and I would have loved to be more prepared for the extreme reactions you get from people. I don't look anything like my mum either, her high cheekbones I got but everything else is so different. I remember a friend of my mums telling her I would receive a lot of love and a lot of jealousy in my life, and she was so right. In my experience some people, not all can be very jealous and mean. I learnt from a really young age that how people behave is about them and not you, but it can be hard at times. I have a really soft heart and years of people behaving in such extremes can be exhausting. As often as people think you are given good grace (which you often are), just as many times you will receive nasty treatment just because of how you look. I've been offered jobs I wasn't properly qualified for because of how I looked (I can't prove it but I'm pretty sure). I've also been treated exceptionally badly in roles I was very qualified for by female bosses who were jealous (also can't prove it but it was very obvious). The best thing I can advise is to teach her about the value of what's inside her and others not looks. Teach her that how people behave is about them and not her. A little psychology, even things like yoga and mindfulness. I know it sounds a little crazy but it could help her x

I'm sorry but it sounds like you've got loads of situations where you think something has happened because of your looks but you have no proof?

I have also had all these things happen to me ( horrible female boss/ got jobs I'm not qualified for) and I don't in any way think I'm special

May I suggest forcing her to live in a tower and grow her hair out. Then she can throw it down to you to allow you to climb up and visit her?

Stop basing how you treat her on her looks and just love her... extremely beautiful warts and all

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sorry but this is ridiculous 🤣
I have a 14 year old son he is very good looking and very popular with the girls which he hates! How do I raise him? Oh wait the same as my other kids 😅

I'm not sure OP. I'll ask my mum how she managed it with me.

There is always something dubious about a thread with a topic that engages people, but the OP barely engages with....

Reading through the comments, I had to have a giggle as there appears to be lots of parents on here of jaw droppingly, breathtakingly beautiful kids, where people are startled and just stare.... considering there are very few people that attract that sort of reaction, statistically there seems to be more than you would think possible just on this tread! I can only assume it’s mummy goggles. (And there’s no guarantees by 18 they will look the same)

As an aside, make up can make a huge difference to the perceived attractiveness of someone. If only I had those tips and hints when I was younger! The teenagers now all seem to look like models compared to what my friends and I looked like! Make up can do wonders!

Exactly. Blatantly a wind up. She hasn’t had any other posts before this one

@TableFlowerss

Reading through the comments, I had to have a giggle as there appears to be lots of parents on here of jaw droppingly, breathtakingly beautiful kids, where people are startled and just stare.... considering there are very few people that attract that sort of reaction, statistically there seems to be more than you would think possible just on this tread! I can only assume it’s mummy goggles. (And there’s no guarantees by 18 they will look the same)

As an aside, make up can make a huge difference to the perceived attractiveness of someone. If only I had those tips and hints when I was younger! The teenagers now all seem to look like models compared to what my friends and I looked like! Make up can do wonders!

Agree with both your points. The majority of adults are average looking, so what happens to these stunningly beautiful girls/handsome boys?

And yes, teens are way more polished looking now than I was when I was one.

I'm not sure 'kind' and 'compliant' are the best attributes for young women these days #me too

I have an eldest that looked like Kate Moss at 14. Total natural beauty. From the moment she was born she was told how stunning she was... and she truly was. Thats why it absolutely devastated me when she chose at 20 to get a tattoo on her face. Part of me thinks she's done it to rebel against being beautiful because she doesn't want to conform. It's like she wants to throw her beauty away.
My advice is to completely and utterly ignore her beauty. Talk only about her accomplishments and character. When she makes an effort with her appearance compliment her just as you would anyone else. Don't let her beauty define her.

Xx

@Mellowburn or perhaps she was tired of her looks being the focus of everything instead of not wanting to conform (and conform to what exactly)? I’d imagine it would be entirely exhausting constantly being told that, you’d start to wonder if anyone noticed anything else at all about you, or if indeed there was anything else about you that was worth noticing.

If it’s any consolation to you I used to hang out with a really, really pretty friend. She had a lovely personality, great sense of humour and was very well educated. She was also one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. The thing was - nobody came near her. She was never approached or chatted up when we were out. The only thing I could ever think it was was that she was so stunning, men assumed she was taken!

Well, the dreadlocks, grunge clothes, other numerous tattoos and repeated claims that she doesn't want to conform to the norm do make me think that's why.
She grew to hate attention from boys and the shallowness of 'barbie' girls.
She was praised for her accomplishments as well of course...she achieved much and was recognised for it.
The original post just reminded me of myself when she was growing up, how proud I was of her, including her beauty, like it was some kind of special badge. But now I just wish I'd ignored her looks and focused more on praising effort.

Hilarious 🤣 , all mams think their daughters are gorgeous and that the whole world thinks this too.

I was best friends with a girl who was exceptionally pretty. Looking back, the amount of attention she got from males much older than us (even from the age of 12) actually creeps me out. So do take on board the constructive posts (I'm sure you can tell which they are!). From witnessing it, I'd say her beauty was a blessing and a curse so just as you would any child keep that self-esteem topped up and help her to learn to navigate bullshit.

I am so stunning people just can't function around me, it gets rather draining sometimes but it's a cross I must bare. I would love to blend in with all you normal average people, to see what its like to be invisible.

🤣🤣

Read The Beauty Myth

Can’t believe this is still going.
Mind, I’m 62 and look 35, in a dirty mirror with my glasses off!

I think stunningly beautiful is very rare! But pretty handsome or attractiv isnt unheard of!! And I do meet lots of pretty and handsome people who probably were cute kids.

I'm another one with a cute child ha but he's just a toddler, he has very spectaular hair, he's mixed race and I think when people comment they see his hair and base his cuteness on that. My sister had a baby a similar time and we get different adjectives said about our little ones but who knows what they'll look like as adults.

We always take the mick and quote the zoolander ridiculously good looking quote when people say it (afterwards to each other I mean!)

🤣🤣

I have a beautiful child. Just teach them to be kind. To never abuse how they look. It's a curse as well as a blessing as people end up hating them or assuming they must be horrible people.