Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

@Trytrytryasimight

I think what I have found most interesting in raising a child who looks absolutely nothing like me and who is at the moment the epitomises a lot of beauty ideals is that she does seem to get an easy journey, and no I don't want that to stop her from trying or valuing herself only for looks. She has got plenty of time to be as average as dh and I I realise that!

But that’s YOUR beauty ideals surely? What is beautiful to some, isn’t beautiful to others. For instance, I don’t get the Claudia love, I find her quite plain, but Megan Fox? Stunning - In MY opionion. My DD has gorgeous eyes, they are green, I think they’re beautiful because that is MY favourite eye colour. The same with her hair, and her body, to me she is perfect. Just like every other mother thinks about their children. And every mother will have received compliments on how good looking their child is, from family, friends and strangers.

My daughter sounds similar to yours OP but with blue eyes ... She’s 18 now and still has that same attitude. People loved her as a child, she was so well behaved, a people pleaser.
She didn’t go through an awkward teenage stage, greasy, acne or any of that.
She didn’t have men perving on her - they didn’t get a chance.

I always made sure that she knew what what right and wrong. Never to judge others and always be a kind person. And always to know her boundaries, to know exactly what is appropriate and what isn’t ( from friends and romantic relationships)

She now at 18 knows her worth and knows how people are supposed to treat her and this is because I always drummed into her when she was young.

My daughter looks like an Angel but she definitely takes no shit from anyone, she wouldn’t be rude and is a total empath, but she still knows people take advantage of her and puts a stop to it.

Just keep talking to her and make sure that she grows up secure in herself and stays true to her.

I agree with this sadly.

Hertsgirl10

That sounds a perfect approach, well done you.

You could stop with the beautiful clothes for a start if you were genuinely bothered. You buy them! Tie her hair back and stop boasting about her.
I can’t give any more advice because my children are decidedly average. I expect in reality that yours is too, we all have different ideas of beauty.

In our case it's slightly different because it is our son who is very handsome (unlike his perfectly ordinary looking parents).

I agree with the advice that you just treat them as you would any other child of yours, to have confidence in themselves and be true to themselves.

People are so weird about beauty. Yes, it's subjective to a point, but there are people in the world who are generally considered beautiful. Sure, not 💯 of people will agree, but there is a general consensus. Also this everyone thinks their child is beautiful rhetoric. Do they? I don't. My daughter is pretty and was really cute when she was little, but I know the difference between a pretty girl and someone who is likely to have a future as a model or someone who is jaw-droppingly beautiful. I think most people do, so it's being a bit obtuse with the 'everyone's child is beautiful', 'beauty is subjective' etc etc. I don't think Angelina Jolie is as amazing as everyone says, but I know that I'm in the minority there and whether I think she's beautiful or not is irrelevant, because the general consensus is that she is.

Anyway, just bring her up as you would any child OP. It's ok for her to be comfortable with her own beauty and it will possibly open doors for her in life, but it will likely also be a double-edged sword. It's obviously more important to be a good person and not measure your own self-worth on looks, as they will eventually fade.

But why would you expect the OP’s child is ‘decidedly average’.

There are plenty of beautiful people / children out there.

Why the need to disbelieve the OP when she says this? It’s interesting to observe.

And all children most definitely are not objectively beautiful. They’re subjectively beautiful - to their parents.

Can I just ask how you protected your child from men ‘perving’ on her? Did you follow her everywhere? If you have some tips on how this is achieved I’d really like to know. When I was a teenager ( a decidedly average one at that) I still got cat-called and touched up and later on raped. It had nothing to do with how and I looked but everything to do with power. I think my parents would like to think they protected me but short of an armed guard, just how do you achieve that @Hertsgirl10 ?

So I'm not exceptionally beautiful and definitely peaked quite young - however I received a lot of attention from men as a teen and young woman. A lot of that attention was from men that should frankly have known much better, married, significantly older, friends of my parents etc.

I was very tall, slim/athletic, apparently striking, people struggle to identify my ethnicity, didn't wear makeup, didn't dress provocatively and would get approached almost daily by men asking for my number, would be offered lifts when out walking if at a bus stop. Regularly taken out for meals and dates. Given lots of drinks and meals on the house.

Luckily I had strong male role models that showed me how I deserved to be treated, complimented me on my qualities rather than looks. Showed me the difference between charisma and men trying to charm their way to me. My parents instilled a good work ethic, to be proud of what I accomplish on merit, the world is definitely kinder to more attractive people but looks will fade over time. Now on the other side of 40 and perfectly average.

It's sometimes unsettling to think back to those years, I was very young, some of those people were incredibly pushy and persistent, a few made me feel that my safety had been compromised.

It's important for you to teach your daughter to be assertive, a little street smart, have a plan B, not be on her phone the whole time, aware of her surroundings, don't give her a complex, don't scare her, teach her to focus her energy on the people that are interested in what makes her tick rather how she looks.

I haaaaate to admit this, but I was one of these kids except I had parents who focused so much on my looks that encouraged me to model, take on pretty girl jobs (waitressing, retail etc) instead of encouraging me to be kind, confident or smart. When I got one of my first jobs (as an au pair) my dad told me I got it because I was good looking, doesn’t make sense but he’s a strange man. The thing is, I grew into an adult who, when I left my small minded neighbourhood realised that other beautiful people exist too except they have brains and confidence to go with it. Don’t be like my parents. Just be normal, I would focus on her being more assertive than compliant and don’t go on about her looks too much.

When I say perving I don’t mean the odd whistle or people leering at her. I was referring to the people on the post here that are basically saying she’s beautiful so she’s going to be more at risk at being a victim of a pervert. We all know that these disgusting men and women will abuse anyone, doesn’t matter about looks.

It seemed like a lot of comments here are aimed at saying well she might be good looking but she’s more likely something will happen to her .... I was explaining that no that isn’t actually true.

It’s absolutely true that beautiful people do seem
to get an easier ride through life,
Personally I’d concentrate on praising her efforts and how hard DC has worked tried and persevered to counterbalance the lookist reactions of other people, like teachers etc.
I’d try to encourage her to value those traits in other people too and constantly remind her that looks are not necessarily an indicator of someone’s good character. Sometimes people get both but generally not.
Good luck x

My sister was very beautiful at 13-14. Also sweet and a people pleaser. Unfortunately she ended up with an awful lot of stalkerish interest and some really unsuitable boyfriends. Boys of her own age just seemed massively intimidated by her. She went into modelling at 18 which was better as she was less freakishly beautiful in comparision. I would teach your daughter bounderies and as others have said a few street smarts. Dsis is now a perfectly attractive but ordinary looking middle aged women.

I have a niece like this. Very pretty, very kind and an absolute people pleaser.

Now, 99% of the time this is all great and she is only 9 BUT as an aunt I am taking on the duty to make sure she knows that it is absolutely fine to say no to people and giving no other justification for it. Sometimes being selfish or putting yourself first is something you need to do. We talk about situations she has felt uncomfortable in and sometimes just practise no.

I do not want anyone to take advantage of her kindness (though I know that chances are they will try) so I am trying to arm her.

Not sure that her looks actually make any difference to this because I would do the same with any child probably but I dunno, she just seems like she is the sort of person bullies might target and it worries me

I definitely can relate to you. My DD is very beautiful and bright. I have similar concerns as you. I think it's important to educate all girls to be confident in their looks and abilities, and to be independent and strong.

I am afraid being that beautiful does have pit falls, Male attention for one plus not trying hard at school. Teach her that not everyone is true to their word and jealousy is common. Having a good education is key as not everyone keeps their beauty. Once it's gone you could have nothing left. Education Education Education

At school one of the girls there was stunning, long chestnut hair, huge eyes perfect adult body. PREGNANT at 14 so sad.

I can relate OP. When my daughter was a baby, and young child she would receive so many compliments. I didn’t know how to respond, other to simply “thanks”. She is mixed race (White and Chinese) and I guess in my small town it was perhaps rare to see that?

Anyway, I remember one time she was at a birthday party (one of those soft play parties) and one of the mums kept talking about how beautiful she was in front of all the other children and their parents. To be frank, it was quite embarrassing. I just told her all that children were beautiful (which they are) and her daughter was also a lovely child.

My daughter is still beautiful, but I really don’t place much emphasis on it, it’s more other people than seem to be the issue.

I had a lot of attention growing up. I think the best thing you can do is get her muddy, put on some overalls or get stuck in to something. Hobbies are the way forward. She will meet like minded people and have more in common for making life long friends or at least enjoying herself.
I had a lot of undesirable attention when I was old enough to go out. It became dangerous. She needs people around her she can trust.

Aw, I get it, I really do. Having a very attractive child is something you become conscious of. They draw attention. People stare. You do start to worry they might get abducted etc.

I honestly did worry when dd2 was little. She was very appealing looking, and even my mum said that she worried about her attracting the wrong sort of attention "with her being so beautiful".

As she has grown up, she has become very self-conscious unfortunately, which I think is partly the additional "noticeability". From a young age, people have commented and little boys have stared open-mouthed at her. She feels watched and instead of relishing it, she has ended up feeling awkward about it.

She goes to a girls school, which I'm grateful for. And fortunately as she has got older, acne, greasy hair and general teenage gawkiness have taken the shine off her a bit. She's still beautiful but not as strikingly, shinily perfect as she was as a kid.

And that will happen to your daughter too, so it will be an advantage if she doesn't base all her self esteem on her looks - that's a tough call while being a teenager as they are all self conscious if not paranoid!

As for the future, there is a great levelling effect of clothes and make-up. Other girls will catch up such that there isn't such a big differential. It will be lovely for her, but she'll have more control over how much to play up/down her looks which she may well do to be taken seriously academically (I know!)

I just wanted to say ignore the comments on here. Your post came across as modest and humble to me. I'm not some parent blinded by love to reality, and I'm sure you aren't either.

I'm afraid I have made the mistake of telling her she is beautiful. I've done this to try to boost her very low confidence, but I know it's classically not what you're supposed to say. I have started to talk up other qualities.

Apart from that, just enjoy it! Your kids being exceptional in some way is lovely, celebrate it.

Some very jealous remarks on here! just love her and like I said Education is the thing, as financial independence is priceless

Absolutely @Hertsgirl10, unwanted attention can happen to anyone, you just need a vagina.

I agree with pp it’s likely to be a nice thing to have in life, as opposed to all the posts saying see look at everyone being bitchy etc

Think op has long gone, but encourage her to develop interests, not get too obsessed with self image on SM

I genuinely thought this thread was a joke,but as I read it I realised you are being serious 😂

We all think our children are beautiful!

No need to treat her any different to any other child!