Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

I find Tom Hardy actively unattractive. Funnily enough, the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen is Cillian Murphy, particularly when he was young. And I know loads of women would really disagree with that.

@Cowbells

Never focus on her beauty or make it key to who she is. She may go through a spotty puppy fat phase in her teens and it won't help if she's been treated like a princess.

Encourage her to work hard at what she loves and give her lots of encouragement for her actions not her looks. Long term, being resilient and tenacious are what keep you happy in life.

But also, I would maybe teach her what to look for in a partner - how to spot and avoid men who are only after her looks, and how to handle (as far as anyone can) men who get angry that pretty women aren't interested in their advances.

I once worked with a phenomenally beautiful woman. Hollywood looks. All the men in the office adored her. She got engaged recently to a short plump smiley man who clearly adores her for who she is, not one of the men who pursued her to look good on his arm. They have so much in common they are like happy children together. He doesn't seem to notice her looks much.

Yeaaaah RIGHT he doesn’t 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Smigg I dont think even Kate Moss has managed to continue to be the waif she once was. So much for the 90s heroine chic look ;-) Actually Kate is short for a model at 5ft 7 and is bottom heavy but her face particularly when young was very unusual. I genuinely think it is because she was not an unobtainable beauty like Christensen or Campbell but had that rock and roll edge that made her different.

@Hastybird

Don't teach her she is a beautiful object (you're so beautiful, princess language). Teach her how to be strong, not perfect. Praise her skills. Notice when she is kind. Encourage her to have a voice. Show her how to enforce her own boundaries, even if the price you pay is her compliance to you:- one day those boundaries may see her send someone packing with whom compliance is dangerous. Compliment her but don't be awestruck by her looks, but be awestruck by her and her awesomeness as a person. Encourage her to grow as a person. Notice her skills and talents and encourage her in them. Teach her how to grow.

These are all nice words, but if the OP is genuinely after advice, doesn’t she need something a bit more concrete than this?

How would (or do) you actually teach a child to be ‘strong, not perfect’, ‘have a voice’, teach her how to ‘grow’, etc?

If the OP knew how to do these things, I don’t think she’d be on here posting.

OP - if you genuinely need some actual advice - it’s probably a bit late, but....

Support your kids (all of them) to become an all-round person by building their confidence in their sense of self and their abilities. Give them opportunities to try lots of things until they find their niche. Lots of sports - team sports as well as individual. And cultural pursuits.

Kids get their confidence from being good at things, being noticed for those things, meeting and bonding with other people (other kids and a mix of adults), building up and developing a range of skills, collaborating, communicating and being creative.

It’s also a great way to keep them out of trouble in their teen years.

MiddleParking. I dont fancy Tom Hardy and I can understand why you find him unattractive. However he has the classic Brando brooding look

Oh, see, it’s weird because young Marlon Brando is another man I find UNBELIEVABLY attractive. (And he serves as a cautionary tale for anyone setting too much store by their/their offspring’s good looks in their youth!)

I have seen Kate Moss at work & she just has it. She can be next too far more conventional beautiful women but you are drawn to her although I do think her face when younger was exquisite.

@bbbbbbbbbccccc

Smigg I dont think even Kate Moss has managed to continue to be the waif she once was. So much for the 90s heroine chic look ;-) Actually Kate is short for a model at 5ft 7 and is bottom heavy but her face particularly when young was very unusual. I genuinely think it is because she was not an unobtainable beauty like Christensen or Campbell but had that rock and roll edge that made her different.

It’s def subjective because in her younger years I think she was almost impossibly beautiful. The combination of features that are rare and unobtainable. Although she was also very versatile and could do different looks incredibly well

ALL women can be sexually assaulted - I don't know any that haven't been

But there is something very particularly sinister in a predatory man that would enjoy hurting and abusing a very beautiful child/girl/woman

Rape is about destroying. About violence, power and control.

It is not a leap to imagine that destroying something beautiful would be more desirable.

Yep Kate Moss has versatile beauty. And in that photo makes Claudia look frumpy. Weird

I think Claudia’s outfit is also to blame for that!

If it helps the OP I was complimented as a child but focus was always on academic & sports. I was encouraged to continue with sports for most of my teens. I was also raised to not blindly follow authority & that it was ok to question it & that if anything made me feel uncomfortable it was ok to say. Tbh I will do similar for my dc regardless of looks.

@MarshaBradyo it's weird as I think back then she was kind of under rated. I wanted to be like Cindy Crawford but I remember my mum always saying Kate was amazing but I couldn't really see it. Now I look back at some photos & I just think wow.

@ekidmxcl

Personally I’d just watch the situation. At my kids’ secondary, there’s a girl who is just absolutely stunningly beautiful. She’s also a nice person. But she has to fend boys off with a shitty stick. Particularly the kind of jock type entitled boys who just keep asking when she turns them down.

My DD was badly bullied when she was in Y10 because she kept getting asked out by Y11 boys. Both the boys she rejected and their girlfriends/ex girlfriends would shout “you aren’t even THAT pretty” and call her a “slag” etc. She very shy and quiet and was horrified, she stopped washing her hair and wore baggy clothes to try and avoid the attention. Eventually it was dealt with and 2 girls were expelled but I am sure part of the reason she was targeted was because of the way she looks.

@arethereanyleftatall

Ironically, the many many negative posts on this thread, indicate precisely how difficult it is to be beautiful. Not only do you get far more harassment from men, but also many many women can't handle it either.

The difference is, appreciating an attractive or beautiful woman in passing etc (Or someone you perceive to be beautiful) is very different to someone presenting themselves to you as ‘stunning’. You can’t present someone as beautiful as get pissed off if someone disagrees.

There are lots of lovely looking women but I don’t expect everyone on here to agree with my top 5. We’ll all have our own idea of attractive.

My toes have practically crawled under.

Yes Smigg and photos of Kate as an early teen show a stragely awkward looking girl. She certainly blossomed in her late teens. And she is someone that has always walked to the beat of her own drum. Made mistakes for sure but clearly able to make her own way in an absolutely cut throat business

How lovely to be blessed by the looks fairy. If she develops into a beautiful looking adult then i'm sure she'll find positives and negatives along the way.
I've only met a couple of naturally beautiful women and it was like being around a film star - they attracted a huge amount of interest (and pushy arseholes). Both developed good careers which didn't involve the entertainment industry. They both had a good friendship group based around common interests.

Developing yourself/interests away from appearances is a healthy approach to keeping grounded. It must be wearing with people latching on and fawning simply because of what you look like. Self defence could be useful as well as assertiveness training. The Duke of Edinburgh scheme can be a great way of challenging and developing a teenager. Stoicism could help too as a reminder that good looks are a happy accident but they aren't a reflection of who you are inside. How you act, how you treat others, what you learn, your thoughts, feelings, motivations are the qualities that make up self identity.

Middleparking, you are right, Claudia's dress and shoes don't help. Which goes to show that a standard beauty does not look wonderful in everything. Infact Claudia looks bland. And that's actually ok.

@arethereanyleftatall

Ah yes. It cant possibly be that these types of views are ridiculous.we must be jealous.

I honestly dont think an exceptional beauty would necessarily be that appealing to the opposite gender to be honest. They might be too unusual.

Standard pretty /attractive woman with a standard figure probably far more appealing.

Often the ones who are really pretty as young girls go a bit funny looking during and after puberty.

Oh op you really are setting her up to fail

Middleparking...Cillian Murphy...I wonder if he is related to Pete Murphy all that chilled cheekbone....but yes highly unusually beautiful men. Possibly so extreme that the average woman wouldn't find it that appealing