Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

@Onairjunkie

Based on your other posts, maybe focus on bolstering her brother’s self esteem.

This. ^ Having a favourite child, is NOT cool.

And especially not if the 'non-favourite' child knows. (And they will..........)

I really don't think compliance is something to be encouraged OP. I would first be focusing on that aspect of her personality.

Don't bring her up differently because she's pretty at the moment. She will likely be an average teenager and / or adult. But you will always think she is beautiful.

I was that beautiful child. Not bragging, it's just a fact.

People would stop my parents and I on the street to comment on my looks, the number of grown men who approached me as a child was ridiculous, and I definitely got things in school etc because of how I looked (not only that but def a factor).

The number of people on here telling the OP to not talk about her daughter's appearance worries me. My parents did that (or my mum really). She would say how wonderful my sister looked after a haircut or a new outfit, and for me all I got was you look nice. I could always tell the difference in how I was treated regarding my looks compared to my sister. It almost made me feel shame to look the way I did, or if I got attention it was my own fault. I never went to my parents when I got unwanted attention from men as I thought I would get in trouble. And this led to me not telling anyone about my sexual assault by a grown man when I was a child. There are consequences to not acknowledging something that everyone else goes out of their way to comment on. And that was incredibly confusing for me.

If your child was super smart you would praise them, acknowledge it etc...why not looks? Don't make a huge deal but also please do not ignore either.

I am only getting to grips with how I look now in my 30's, I never really understood when I was younger...I wish it could have been something I could have talked to my mum about honestly, rather than feeling it was something I had to play down so as not to upset my sister or because if my parents acknowledged it I might become arrogant?

And let's be honest...big brains can get you far in life, but so can looks..why jot prepare her for that an focus on her being well rounded..

This is why it's important to praise people for what they do and say, not what they are.

The other is dark, with a more olive skin, and dark brown eyes that you could get lost in.

That's a slightly weird comment to make about your son..

“She’s probably not actually beautiful “
“She will probably be an ugly teenager”
Etc etc etc
First thing you need to do OP is warn your daughter how nasty and jealous other women can be.

That's a slightly weird comment to make about your son..

I thought that 😆

I had a very beautiful friend at school. Still is very beautiful.

@Catsknees

I read compliance as a descriptor of how the child is, as well as the physical description, and saw the OP as asking for help with all of those things. I believe research has shown that conventionally attractive children do get a different kind of attention to this that are less so. I think this is a conversation that needs to be had - after all this is a discussion board, right? Speaking anecdotally, I got way less attention from men as a chubby, bespectacled buck tooth adolescent than my more 'conventionally attractive' peers. I'm pleased now, though it knocked my confidence a bit. I avoided the very unwelcome attention of seedy older men thankfully, but boys of my own age never 'asked me out'. Turned out to be a good thing as decent men have been attracted to what I hope are my other qualities. My daughters are much prettier than I was (looking at it in those horribly sexist terms) and I've been out with them when they've had to deal with all sorts of shouted abuse. They fortunately are generally capable of dealing with it (young adults) and have a very low opinion of a lot of men. It's very true that more attractive kids get more positive attention at school, but I'm not sure if it's a chicken and egg situation. Such things as a lovely bright smile can get you a long way. A shy child who considers themself unattractive (my own experience, not helped by constant ragging about my appearance) is more likely to hide in a corner and be less forthcoming, thus missing out. There have been some very good responses on this thread - notably from posters who acknowledge that these things can be an issue and taken OP at their word about wanting advice. Life really isn't a level playing field, and it's up to us as parents to help them navigate it all.

Great response! 100% agree

@Hoppinggreen

“She’s probably not actually beautiful “ “She will probably be an ugly teenager” Etc etc etc First thing you need to do OP is warn your daughter how nasty and jealous other women can be.

Good point.

I love the fact that someone brought up Samantha Brick earlier on. Oh my goodness. THIS. Regarding someone considering herself drop dead gorgeous...when in REALITY she is a pleasantly attractive woman. But nothing more nor less. Some individuals (including herself ) might think she is fabulously wonderfuly gorgeous though.
Ill bet she has received unwanted attention. No doubt. And that is sad.

Being universally attractive to most people (in RL -not on instagram or touched up photos) is usually based on having personal confidence but also being kind . That and a great smile. Twinkly eyes. And being bit naughty/ fun - not taking yourself too seriously.

I went to school with an exceptionally beautiful girl. Really exceptional, not just your average pretty girl. She had huge blue eyes, gorgeous shiny long brown hair, the perfect body. I would have loved to have hated her because she was also a straight A student and Miss Popular without even trying (with kids and teachers alike). But she was so damn nice and likeable that it was bloody hard to hate her (not for lack of trying)

@Hoppinggreen

“She’s probably not actually beautiful “ “She will probably be an ugly teenager” Etc etc etc First thing you need to do OP is warn your daughter how nasty and jealous other women can be.

But also to give the reality check that most parents do think their children as beautiful. So it’s a particularly bias thing to say/assume

It’s also relative to say that whilst she might be stunning now, a stunning child doesn’t necessarily equate to a stunning adult. And vice vecer. The ‘plain’ children could easily end up stunning.

I also agree with a pp, it’s not so much the colouring that makes someone beautiful etc so green eyes, blonder hair... it’s the symmetry of the facial features. That’s a scientific fact, that there is a golden ratio of attractiveness and beauty. It’s the symmetry that makes exceptional looking. The closer your face fits that ration the more attractive generally you will be.

So having green eyes and blonde hair for example, even if that’s what someone finds particularly attractive, wouldn’t chance the symmetry of the features and make someone beautiful.

First thing you need to do OP is warn your daughter how nasty and jealous other women can be

The second thing is to teach her that people expressing an opinion are: A. Not necessarily women and B. Not necessarily jealous.

To assume that people 'are jealous' because they don't fall into the party line is incredibly juvenile and buys straight into 'Ooooh...they're just jealous because you're SO PRETTY.'

ffs. This thread.

However, as an adult I had a work colleague I was good friends with who was an exceptional Middle-Eastern-type beauty - absolutely “stand out from the crowd” beauty, exceptionally stylish as well (also very nice and lovely). But she had constant problems with finding a boyfriend because men were often scared off thinking she looks like high maintenance and didn’t want to get serious with her.

@bbbbbbbbbccccc

I love the fact that someone brought up Samantha Brick earlier on. Oh my goodness. THIS. Regarding someone considering herself drop dead gorgeous...when in REALITY she is a pleasantly attractive woman. But nothing more nor less. Some individuals (including herself ) might think she is fabulously wonderfuly gorgeous though. Ill bet she has received unwanted attention. No doubt. And that is sad.

Being universally attractive to most people (in RL -not on instagram or touched up photos) is usually based on having personal confidence but also being kind . That and a great smile. Twinkly eyes. And being bit naughty/ fun - not taking yourself too seriously.

It’s Samantha Brick who claims to be beautiful herself, not other people saying she is

@XelaM

I went to school with an exceptionally beautiful girl. Really exceptional, not just your average pretty girl. She had huge blue eyes, gorgeous shiny long brown hair, the perfect body. I would have loved to have hated her because she was also a straight A student and Miss Popular without even trying (with kids and teachers alike). But she was so damn nice and likeable that it was bloody hard to hate her (not for lack of trying)

I know you were being a bit flippant and jokey so this isn't accusatory but I don't get why people want to hate someone who has good attributes. I get feeling jealous / envious / I wish I had xyz attributes, but as evidenced on this thread (not your post, but in general) there's definite downsides to being very attractive as it's brought out some real nastiness in people even just on here.

Taking your question at face value - as pp have said please help her to handle the vile sexual comments and harassment that is about to come her way from men. I remember a waiter in France trying to chat me up and separate me from my parents when I was 11. I was told I had 'blow job lips' when I was 12 ish. And on and on. (I don't think of myself as exceptional anything btw, but attention from men started as soon as I started high school).

I'd never heard of Samantha Brick. Pleasant looking young woman but nothing special. Does she consider herself to be drop dead gorgeous? She looks ordinary enough to me and I have no bias.

Maybe if we met her we would be more dazzled; some people are just outstandingly attractive if not conventionally beautiful.

If i remember correctly Hoppinggreen her husband thought Samantha Brick was drop dead gorgeous too ;-). But also the article was about having 'unwanted attention' because of her fabulous beauty..or something. Anyway. The sad truth is just being female can draw unwanted attention occasionally. Sooner or later its good to learn how to deal with that.

Jesstan2. Yes Quite a few years ago Sam 'outed' herself as gorgeous. Well whatever. Its caused quite a few hilarious threads on MN at the time.

You don’t know how she will grow into her looks yet - 12 year olds look very different to grown women.
The girls at school that were lanky and had spots and braces have blossomed into beautiful swans as grown women, some of them are truly stunning.

The ‘pretty’ girls have grown up to be a bit ‘meh’, certainly less eye catching.

I’m not saying this will happen to your daughter, but it’s a bit early to be worrying about all this just yet.

DS blurted a cracker. A girl at school had stunning parents - actor/model I think. He came home and said something like "you'd think so and so would look really stunning when you look at her parents but she just isn't. It's really odd how you and dad look really ordinary and yet me and my sister are much better than average looking".

I can't remember hitting him with was thrown at him but I promise he's been ribbed about it now for almost a decade.

That Samantha Brick article was obviously tongue in cheek, she was clearly just having a little jibe about how women are a little more jealous in nature when it comes to how other women look. I don’t think she believes she is a knockout beauty although she looks nice enough.