Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

Well, if we’re talking about being ‘kind’ I don’t think it’s very ‘kind’ to play into the idea that beautiful young girls get more unwanted male attention than non-beautiful ones, or that any kind of harassment is anything to do with attraction. The logical conclusion of that idea ends up at “I don’t believe you, you’re too ugly”.

Pretty is as pretty does as my gran used to say. Hopefully you show her how to judge people on what they do and say rather than what they look like, and to treat people how she'd like to be treated herself, believe in herself and have self respect. All children are beautiful.

Look I get you. You've had some mixed reviews here but I totally understand why it feels like such a delicate issue for you. My daughter is stunning too and I've felt strange since she was born because of all the comments. I don't have the answer but I guess just appreciating her beauty. Don't make it taboo by not talking about it. Teach her to own it and teach it to her as though she has a prize jewel that some people (men) will want, some people will envy her for and some people will like her just because of it. I guess it's similar to teaching a person of colour the prejudices they will face in this society. Let her know it's nothing she has done but that society does pigeon hole beautiful people and that it's nothing she has done and that her true friends won't be phased by it.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems dishevelled

There are many different versions of 'exceptionally beautiful.'

Well, yes, and the OP thinks that these characteristics are beautiful (as a lot of other people do). Nothing wrong with that.

Yes unfortunately the unwanted male attention is tricky.
We’ve had many notes through the door Tom delivery drivers /men who have done work at the house etc. She gets approached regularly. In a way her asd and brutal honesty soon sees them off but I feel have we been lucky so far in that these men have all accepted that and one day will someone not accept her saying no/leave me alone

@tangerinelollipop

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems dishevelled

There are many different versions of 'exceptionally beautiful.'

Well, yes, and the OP thinks that these characteristics are beautiful (as a lot of other people do). Nothing wrong with that.

Yes whilst true and my dd is very different to OPs daughter in looks (v dark hair, huge blue eyes, and dark toned skin) there is still more about feature placement in beauty in very strikingly beautiful individuals so regardless of hair colour /eye colour/skin tone preference some people do just have very specific looks that are symmetrical, well balanced and sized (large eyes seem to be a theme)

Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child

I would have to agree with you there...nothing "stealthy" about it!

As Storm Baby said earlier
" I had exactly this with my daughter; she was a mass of beautiful long blonde ringlets, massive green eyes, willowy and graceful. Never mean or rude to anyone...she’s now a 17 year old goth, 6ft tall with a shaved black and blue undercut and covered in piercings. You just have to let them get on with it. 🤣"

She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but have some experience of "beautiful" children and adults in my family.

They don't always stay beautiful.

For a young girl/woman, please please please make sure that she values herself for other things than an accident of genetics. Make sure she gets as excellent an education as possible.

You only have to look at the rather sad posts in Style & Beauty asking "How old do I look?"

Women are - unfortunately - socialised to think how they look, what they weigh etc etc etc is the key to their value. And unfortunately also, as you've already noticed, other people are more lenient, and just generally nicer to pretty/beautiful children & people.

But we all age and for women who've relied on being "beautiful" or thin or whatever, this can be painful - again, I've seen it, I've held hands through the weeping or the serious considerations of plastic surgery or botox.

It's really sad. Give your daughter other skills: make sure she likes her own body for what it can do rather than what it looks like.

Carefully teach her financial skills.

Beautiful girls (if she remains that way) are often successful in everything but that. And attract vultures.

Check out Scott Pape’s book (or audiobook) on ‘The Barefoot Investor for Families’. Great easy strategies for parents- he says 10 mins per week is all it takes.

By the way, it’s a hard question you asked of mumsnet, but I think a valid one.

Some strange responses to this.

If the OP had described her child as having "huge dark eyes; a mass of dark curly hair", would this be any different?

I mean, there are beautiful children of all eye, hair and skin tones. The OP was just painting a picture, surely - not saying her daughter was the only beautiful one out there :-/

OP - I can see why you ask this, actually. Girls who attract lots of attention for their looks have a very specific set of difficulties. Some things in life are much easier, but it's very easy for these kids to pin all their self worth on how they look, and then if something interferes with that (if nothing else, age will) you can get problems.

I'd say let her enjoy it, but value other things about her and make as little a deal of it as possible. Don't mention others' good looks (or otherwise) more than is necessary - let her realise it's just not how you judge people.

Dear fucking lord. You know that people say kids are pretty to be polite, don't you? Midwives in hospitals tell everyone their baby is beautiful and every ed psych report I've read in school starts off with a platitude about their looks or nice manners. Every girl is going to get unwanted male attention so I'd teach her to deal with that rather than put a lot of emphasis on being pretty. She may yet be plain.

Agree with @MeltsAway and several other posters, supposedly 'cute' kids don't always turn into really attractive adults. I have seen a number of occasions where a cute, bonny, curly haired child turns into Augustus Gloop.

@BilboBercow

You never know op, she might grow into a very plain adult

no need for that

@StrudelSoup

Yeah, that's not the reason. It's an arse of a thread. Unless you seriously believe the OP is honestly expecting advice on "how to parent a beautiful person differently".

This exactly. This thread is a piece of shit ... The poster should be ashamed of herself.

@MiddleParking

Well, if we’re talking about being ‘kind’ I don’t think it’s very ‘kind’ to play into the idea that beautiful young girls get more unwanted male attention than non-beautiful ones, or that any kind of harassment is anything to do with attraction. The logical conclusion of that idea ends up at “I don’t believe you, you’re too ugly”.

Exactly this. It's so nasty to suggest that your daughter is going to get more attention because she is sooooo pretty. As you say, it's basically saying if a girl gets no attention, it's because she's ugly/unattractive.

As I said, (and many others have too,) EVERY mum (most of them anyway,) sees their own child as beautiful and perfect, but to everyone else, they are not. They are just average kids.

I (and DH) think our daughter is the most stunning young woman on the planet... 5 ft 7, slim, leggy, long blonde naturally wavy hair, clear complexion, lovely Hollywood smile with perfect teeth, (naturally straight and white though,) and large blue eyes with long lashes. But if I were to tell people in real life this, they'd think I was a right tit! 😂

Make sure her intellect and compassion is valued as highly and you don't make an enormous fuss of her for her looks.

FWIW OP there was a beautiful girl at my school who did adverts from about 8 to 11 and stayed breathtakingly pretty until about 15/16 - then some of the less obviously pretty girls with better bone structure etc blossomed into the swans.

Unfortunately the girl who did the adverts was by then very vain.

Compliance is a very odd word to use as a desirable trait in a young teen IMO. FWIW I was pretty good looking as a teenager (although I've never met a teen that looked anything like Claudia Schiffer), but my mum always told me brains are better than looks, and now I'm an old trout in my 50s I would agree.

[quote littlepattilou]@Trytrytryasimight 😂😂😂

Thanks for the Monday morning laugh. (Also, your child is NOT exceptionally beautiful - not to anyone but you.) Sorry to disappoint you. [/quote]
You have absolutely no way of knowing that

I agree at 12 it’s early to know how people will develop in looks.

Sometimes it can be early at 18.

That said, I have a friend who was always like this, her nickname was the goddess, offered modelling contracts etc.

Because I had known her from when she was little I knew she was just a lovely person and a really clever, positive person too. To me her looks were just an aside. But I did notice that people at school who didn’t know her did have a suspicion or hostility, I guess because they felt threatened or jealous. But, if you are raising a sensible well adjusted person they will take that in their stride and it will be offset by the advantages of good looks.

Just make sure your dd knows that her real beauty is in her personality and her mind, the rest is a bonus.

I'm conventionally attractive & was a model (pretty shit at the actual modelling) & I certainly feel people behave more favourably to me. However I'm generally a happy, positive person so perhaps that is appealing. For every person that thought I was gorgeous there was another who thought I was a lanky alien or whatever.

@errorofjudgement

And please don’t take this the wrong way, but your DD and her friends are heading towards puberty, with acne, greasy hair, growth spurts, weight gains etc. The gawky child with crooked teeth often grows into their features, has teeth braces and emerges at 18 as beautiful. Equally the child with appealing features grows up to be moderately attractive. Both are equally beautiful to their parents though.

^this is VERY common.

It's fine to tell her she's beautiful, but not on an hourly basis!

Tell her how kind/thoughtful/strong/determined etc she is much more often

Praise her attitude, effort, attainments.

Let her know it's who she is, not what she looks like, by praising the other stuff.

That's all you need to do

Beautiful people do get treat differently. (Just like slim people get treat differently) it's life & you can't change that, but what you can do is make her confident in her ability & her attitude.

and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others

Tbh I would be more worried about her personality being too compliant. I would encourage her to be assertive, know her own worth as a person and stand up for herself.

I have only read the first page but see a lot of posters are promoting kindness and compassion. I personally think that this often leads to girls and women prioritising others over themselves. You only need to pop on the relationship boards to see how many women end up in rubbish relationships because they haven't the confidence to fully assert their own boundaries and paths of determination. Of the many couples where a choice has to be made of where to live in EVERY case I know but one the choice goes the way of the husband, not the wife. I am bloody certain this is because women feel that kindness burden and feel bad for 'denying' their husband whereas the husband feels very comfortable asserting what he wants.

@SionnachRua

Dear fucking lord. You know that people say kids are pretty to be polite, don't you? Midwives in hospitals tell everyone their baby is beautiful and every ed psych report I've read in school starts off with a platitude about their looks or nice manners. Every girl is going to get unwanted male attention so I'd teach her to deal with that rather than put a lot of emphasis on being pretty. She may yet be plain.

no, not really. Her child is obvioulsly beautiful , not every child is beautiful, my daughter is pretty but I wouldnt say beautiful, so if you cant give adice dont come on being a bitch.

[quote littlepattilou]@Trytrytryasimight 😂😂😂

Thanks for the Monday morning laugh. (Also, your child is NOT exceptionally beautiful - not to anyone but you.) Sorry to disappoint you. [/quote]
how do you know that? Did you see her? Dont be so nasty.