Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

I agree, there is a lot of nastiness here because OP has dared to suggest her daughter is perceived as beautiful.
Some people just are more beautiful than others and that’s a fact.

@Regularsizedrudy

Lock her in a tower? Put a curse on her? What the fuck do you want people to say. She’s just a normal 12 year old, get a grip.

There has actually been serious research undertaken and attractive people are often treated differently to less attractive people. It isn’t however a card to a perfect life.

I have a relative who is more than just pretty, she is really beautiful and did some modelling when younger. People always without exception had to mention how gorgeous and pretty she was. It was if that was all she was. She had a rough time hitting middle age because the attention was far less. I’m not sure if she is vain or if she had just become used to it and it’s a big change.

Make sure your DD doesn’t think all she is are her looks.

Please ensure she has the inner confidence to spot people who are trying to put her down and to not let them get to her

^ This

I’d just try to make sure you know that looks are just the surface/ can change and hold little real value.
Then treat her as you would any child, her actions towards others and any achievements should be the main compliments she gets from home.
I don’t think you can ask others to respond to her differently (except close family).

I agree, there is a lot of nastiness here because OP has dared to suggest her daughter is perceived as beautiful.

I don't think that's the reason

Funny thread but, honestly, if I could choose the standard of attractiveness that my kids would grow up to have as teenagers and young adults it'd definitely be roughly 7 out of 10 kinda standard. Much more or less with that does fairly often [obviously not always or probably even usually] comes with baggage.

@activitythree

The teachers, club leaders and family members are the problem here.

Her mother sounds to be the greatest problem, the others probably think no more of her than any other child.

She's 12, her face will change & grow so try not to stress too much.

It's ok to compliment her but praise actions unrelated to physical looks.

Aye aye

@Hoppinggreen

I agree, there is a lot of nastiness here because OP has dared to suggest her daughter is perceived as beautiful. Some people just are more beautiful than others and that’s a fact.

It’s a fact that everyone will find some people more beautiful than others. It’s not a ‘fact’ that OP’s daughter or yours are objectively more beautiful than anyone else.

@Trytrytryasimight I can't believe the number of people here saying 'just treat her as any other kid'. This should absolutely be the case in a perfect world, but in this world, you should look out for bullies, predators, jealousy, people making assumptions about her etc.

I mentor a number of young female professionals and one of them is just like that - beautiful, blond, well-educated, talented, hard-working, very bright, kind and caring - and it breaks my heart to see how hard she has to work to be taken seriously. The kid has serious confidence issues as a result.

It is ridiculous to assume she will get more unwelcome male attention because she is pretty. Men harassing women is about power not attraction. They prey on women who seem more vulnerable. Looks have absolutely nothing to do with it.

I'd also be very wary of raising a compliant child. Judged objectively I am more conventionally attractive than my BF of over 50 years but over the years she has received a great deal more unwanted male attention. I think part of it is that having been raised to be obedient and compliant she finds it very hard to put out a 'piss off. I'm not interested' vibe or even say those words. If a man pays her attention she's been programmed to be compliant and go along with his wishes to please him. What she wants doesn't really seem to enter into her choices.

When we were younger I was jealous of the attention she got but now I'm older I can see the disadvantages of it.

I worked with someone like this. Exceptionally beautiful but with plain parents and siblings (her sister also worked with us). She had been treated differently all her life, and it showed. Kicked off when she wasn’t allowed to leave early to beat the traffic despite it not being allowed for anyone else, didn’t think a maximum of an hour for lunch applied to her, etc. It was quite sad really, she was actually a lovely girl, but her sense of entitlement was astounding and caused her lots of issues in the end. Be very careful.

Some people just are more beautiful than others and that’s a fact.

100% & attractive people are treated more favourably. However beauty is in the eye of the beholder & it's actually quite uncommon for someone to be a beautiful child & a beautiful adult.

I can see why you are worried. I was a beautiful child and constantly told that. It confused me and damaged my confidence, because being beautiful was not something I had made any effort for, and yet people acted as if it made me a better person. Don't do what my mother did and ban me from everything in case some man took advantage. She told me that having sex would give me cancer; that men wouldn't be interested in my personality; that I should never give myself away. I was scared of my own shadow!!

Humility is recommended for sure!
My DD and myself have done exceptionally well in the beauty stakes but my DD never feels the need to brag to friends or family etc about complements received nor do I.
Tell her just to get on with life like everyone wise is

@Thebearsbunny

I worked with someone like this. Exceptionally beautiful but with plain parents and siblings (her sister also worked with us). She had been treated differently all her life, and it showed. Kicked off when she wasn’t allowed to leave early to beat the traffic despite it not being allowed for anyone else, didn’t think a maximum of an hour for lunch applied to her, etc. It was quite sad really, she was actually a lovely girl, but her sense of entitlement was astounding and caused her lots of issues in the end. Be very careful.

Out of curiosity - how do you know she’s been treated differently all her life?

@Laburnam

Humility is recommended for sure! My DD and myself have done exceptionally well in the beauty stakes but my DD never feels the need to brag to friends or family etc about complements received nor do I. Tell her just to get on with life like everyone wise is

amazing

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled

There are many different versions of 'exceptionally beautiful.'

I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is

Bit weird. What sensible parent flags this up as a plus?

Don't be daft OP. Cool, your daughter is a pretty kid. Just be normal and stop flapping about her ' breathtaking beauty' and concentrate on the basics of helping her become a strong, confident, compassionate and capable young woman.

I don't understand the reaction. Of course beautiful people (who are rare) have a different life experience. At school the popular girls were the beautiful ones and in adult life there's lots of research that more attractive people are treated differently.

Well the OP has certainly tapped the fish tank, haven't they?

240+ posts and no sign of them 🤣🤣

The stealth and not so stealth boasting on this thread is hilarious.

Beauty is skin deep and can be transient. It’s a shame that as a society we set such a premium on it.

While I agree and what I found attractive other people may not but some children and adults do conform to what most societies see as beautiful.
As I said we have been literally stopped in the street to be told how beautiful DD is when she was younger (although as a baby she looked like a potato like most babies) and so many people unprompted say how beautiful she is. She just IS no matter who finds that offensive.
It’s not anything to be proud of, we havent done anything to make her like that and she would rather be invisible as she finds the attention very uncomfortable .
It’s not something I experienced myself but no matter how much people may argue on here that all parents find our children beautiful some (according to society) are just more beautiful than others

The thing is perception is everything. Let's not forget the famous example of Samantha Brick whose an attractive women but I'm not convinced her "beauty" is always the reason for how she is treated.