To have told DH that he embarrasses me?

[Mooni]

I have windows open all the time as I need fresh air. We live in a very quiet area, detached house on shared private drive attached to a quiet street so we don’t even get traffic noise. We have a walking path down the side of our house popular with dog walkers etc
DH can’t seem to keep from shouting constantly. You can hear everything from outside and I’m so embarrassed by it.
Examples from this weekend alone:
From bedroom to downstairs “Moonie, Chuck us a bog roll up!” (Bedroom windows wide open)
Kitchen to living room “Racist!” (Kitchen window wide open)
Living room to kitchen “this house smells like a cross between wet dog and BO!” (Patio doors wide open)
Downstairs toilet to kitchen “Moonie have you had diarrhoea?! It stinks in here!” (Window wide open, neighbours behind us sat in garden).

I have asked him to stop shouting all the time and he has said I’m being unreasonable to be embarrassed by him and acting like a snob pretending to be something I’m not. I’m not normally bothered by what people think of me but I think this makes us look rough as hell! No kids at home now, just me and DH
Am I over thinking it?

Sorry, x-post

@RosesAndHellebores

The nature of the comments wouldn't particularly bother me but the shouting through the house does. MIL does it; I no longer respond. Eventually she appears and repeats and says didn't you hear me and I say yes, but I'm not having a conversation from three rooms away, if you want to speak to me or want something come where I am and have a conversation. Ex school teacher so I think it's ingrained.

Oh my mum does this, tries to carry on a conversation from three rooms away, thing is she’s hard of hearing too so can never hear my replies anyway unless I really bawl at her

It sounds like he’s trying to humiliate you. Why would you shout about someone leaving a smell after an upset stomach? It seems a bit off.

Also people who shout at you rather than come to talk to you irritate the shit out of me. Ironically.

He sounds very crude.

We have a 'no shouting between rooms' rule (except calling people down for dinner). If you want to talk to someone, you go and find them.

Both things would bother me, whether or not anyone heard. I don't think other people hearing who we actually are at home would bother me.

I think the main problem is that the windows are open!
I don’t think that you should have to constantly check yourself inside your own house. However DH shouting about diahorrea is gross.
However I’ve just been loudly singing in the kitchen with the window open, so maybe my tolerance is higher than yours?

I doubt you can change him, just like he can't change your habit of having windows open all the time. That would drive me mad more than a crude husband.

@gamerchick

I doubt you can change him, just like he can't change your habit of having windows open all the time. That would drive me mad more than a crude husband.

I get very hot all the time, I must have a breeze coming in or I start to feel ill

It sounds embarrassing and humiliating and if you don’t like it he shoukd stop rather than insulting your further because it’s easier for him to do that than actually put some effort into minimising it.

He does sound gross, I’d laugh at first but after a while of keep hearing him it would start to turn my stomach, so glad I don’t live next to you!

Thing is, if you love crude, shouty him as he is and the behaviour doesn't bother you per se, then I'm not sure why you'd mind other people knowing that that is who you love and how you live.

'Alexa can you tell Mooni we need a bog roll upstairs'.

Or he could just get himself a “bog” roll.

It doesn't matter why, my point still stands. You can't change each other. It does sound irritating though.

You can get fans you wear around your neck and they blow your face. I couldn't cope with windows and doors open constantly.

We’ve got Alexa’s in most rooms - it negates the need to shout up the stairs etc. We use “drop in” like an intercom

You're not at all unreasonable. Shouting, except in an emergency, is awful. It would embarrass me too if other people heard it coming from my home.

Take comfort, none of these are as bad as a friend’s experience - her dd of maybe 10 yelling at the top of her voice, in summer with all windows open, ‘Mum, John’s raping me!’

John (not real name) being her DB of maybe 12, and I hope needless to add, she had thought ‘raping’ just meant fighting.

We also had neighbours where I’d hear every word of his incredibly loud side of a row, as in e.g. ‘I’m not fucking shagging anyone else, OK? I’m fucking up to here, I’ve got no fucking money, just fucking shut up, will you?’
I don’t mind admitting that I would listen to every word and later relate the latest to dh.

(They did subsequently divorce - we have nice quiet neighbours now.)

Aren’t you both freezing?

This thread has really made me chuckle. Are people really so uptight about toilet humour? In this house we tend to have males that come out the toilet proudly announcing that its probably best to give it 5 minutes before using it, and if someone farts and it stinks I will often say has something crawled up your ass and died. We also say bog roll. Guess we must be common as muck

OMG he sounds vile.

YANBU. As a pp said, why are you accepting being spoken to like this anyway? With or withOUT windows open?

You've spent too much time on mumsnet and are aspiring to be seen as a naice family

I honestly don't think it would bother me that much, and if it did it would be the shouting rather than the content, and I wouldn't care at all about people hearing through the windows.

I wouldn't be ok with keeping the windows open all the time - not sure what that is about.

My DH is a bit like this .... he talks very loudly and when he's doing DIY he's effing and chuffing every other word. Our neighbours are very quite people.

I can't stand people shouting all the time. Speak to me.

Has he always done it, or is this a relatively new thing? I'd be wondering whether he had progressive hearing loss if it's got worse over the years.

Other than that, maybe developing inversely proportional deafness to volume might work? If he bellows down GET ME BOG ROLL, just don't hear him.

And try a set of ear filters. When he finally comes down, having had to wash his shitty arse with his hands to complain 'oh, I didn't hear you' 'That's because you're wearing those things' 'Yes, I know. They're very effective, aren't they?'.

YANBU but for some unknown reason that made me laugh. Sorry, I think I have cabin fever.

Maybe ignore him if he shouts? Might be bad for a while but hopefully he'd soon learn.

No, YANBU. Not being able to keep your voice down is a real mark of being rough. And I would include that within the family home with all the windows closed as well as in situations where someone else might hear.

However you’re probably better off getting a fan than trying to change him.

I do need to ask where do you live that you can have all windows and door permanently open. Envious!

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I do need to ask where do you live that you can have all windows and door permanently open. Envious!

I’m in NI and my windows are open everyday until around 3/4pm. Bedroom window open 24/7. Back door is open most days. A friend commented a few days ago that they had just opened their windows for the first time since October.