To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

I wish Id never married my exH. Wasted 20+ years on someone I had nothing in common with, who to this day wont remember the date of my birthday or my likes and dislikes and never used his imagination when buying a gift (for birthdays (when reminded) and christmas only, never, ever anything spontaneous). He had tens of thousands of £s in his current account but was always moaning about being skint and somehow I was always overdrawn. He has zero interest in his appearance and lives in the same clothes until they fall apart - he would wear the same underpants and socks for a week at a time. He is much older than me. I get so frustrated when I see my friends with partners that they actually share a life with - holidays together, children, shared interests, just generally having fun. I was isolated, skint and sexually frustrated as he made minimal effort there also. He was happy to spend every minute in his workshop and just appear at mealtimes. Cant believe i really thought that was any way to live for so long.

Having been up with newborn twins on my own since 2am whilst DH snores in the spare room I'm regretting a lot right now (but not my babies - they are the best thing to happen to me)

ThumbWitchesAbroad yeah could be. Just read that article and cried like a waterfall.

Thanks

Not keeping up the pelvic floor exercises, though to be fair it's never too late for most women.

I don't have many regrets thankfully, but I do wish I had taken better care of my teeth.

My only regrets - not starting a pension. And not insisting on a c section when i knew that's what i wanted. Would have avoided PTSD. I don't trust doctors now.

I regret meeting and falling for a toxic narcissist.

Some of these are very sad to read. I feel regret about one thing I wasn't able to do for a dying relative of mine, I couldn't have done anything different though. It was just the way it was.

Some of these things are fixable though- I think what you perhaps don't realise when you are in your 30's and even early 40's is that it's really hard to change when you are in the middle of child-rearing. Now my friends and myself are in our early 50's we have much more time to do things differently- so opportunities like travel (once we get let out), meeting someone different, getting our teeth fixed or even surgery, changing jobs, have started to come onto the cards again whereas when we were in the middle of the mortgage/kids combo it seemed impossible. Money does help, some money anyway although I know quite a lot of people who make a good life out of very little. Tends to be women on their own, often. It ain't over til it's over I guess.

Buying a house at 20. I know its an achievement really but I settled too young. I was so desperate to have kids young and the perfect little family at a young age and I wasted so much time on my then boyfriend because I believed things would work out in the end, but looking back I honestly can't even think why I ever liked him.

I regret not moving away and going to uni. I used to be glad I didn't go, because I didn't know what I wanted to do so went into work instead and that's fine. But I feel I missed out a step of my life. I wish I'd experienced living independently. I wish I had a gotten out of this town because now I feel I am stuck here.

I regret turning down a particular job a few years back.

I regret putting on so much weight to the point I am now morbidly obese.

I regret so much and I'm only 25. I don't really see the point anymore because I feel like whatever I do will be the wrong choice. I wish I could run away and start again.

@CatRamsey don't give up on change at 25! Having a house at 20 is amazing and something I didn't achieve til my late forties.

That I kept going back to my parents to live or for bad advice , thinking they should be the ones that cared. But really I was just holding myself back. I see I was someone going back to their abuser because it's all I knew. I have also felt responsible for them and they are very controlling. I cocked up my degree working to pay their mortgage whilst my Dad refused to work in a job like mine as it was beneath him. It's so hard when you are stuck in that situation to see I should of walked away, but I've living struggled in shared houses.

I have made a lot of mistakes in relationships, but they are part of growing up, I don't particularly regret them. I do feel I have a chosen a slightly controlling partner though. I struggle with his your family are all arseholes, I agree ! It's just I don't want to be told not to see them. It's very hard balance. In a way lockdown has been nice as I've not had the pressure of these things.

I regret so much and I'm only 25. I don't really see the point anymore because I feel like whatever I do will be the wrong choice. I wish I could run away and start again.

Doing nothing to change things is as much of an active choice than choosing to try and change.

Most of the biggest regrets on this thread are about picking to continue in the same vein.

At least choosing to try and change things gives you life experiences even if they don't give you the results you wanted.

Things rarely get better if you don't look for opportunities and when you see them you grab them with both hands. Don't let life slip through your fingers because it was too scary.

University was shit for lots of reasons. At 25 i jacked in my job and went to Australia. That didn't turn out how i wanted. Came back and didn't know what to do. I was thoroughly miserable. I was spending all my energy and effort looking back and regretting. I don't i found peace until my late 30s.

The difference was a switch in mentality and enjoying the moment i was in rather than thinking about the alternative universe and how things could be better. It took the pressure off. I decided to take positive choices and cut out things that made me unhappy as far as i could.

I dunno. I think back at being age 25 and the worst thing i did was live in my regret rather than allowing myself to enjoy what i was doing.

The cruelty of getting older is getting wiser and realising what a fuckwit you were. I find its also given me peace too in its own way.

@willithappen oh bless you it's not karma it's just shit and has been the same for my two very good friends. It's such a hard thing as you want to ask have what they have tried, now both on IVF with unexplained fertility. The only thing I can think of is one is very skinny and controlling of her diet and one is very large from eating her sorries, so maybe their BMI is affecting things. Be kind to yourself and I hope it works out for you.

@shivermetimbers77

I wasted so much time hating myself and feeling terribly anxious about what people thought about me. It really got in the way of me really enjoying my life for such a long time in my teens and 20s and led to me making some silly decisions around men, all from a position of insecurity. I wish I could go back in time and inhabit my 20-something body with my 40-something mind and self-confidence!.. I also frittered away a lot of money and wish I had saved for a deposit earlier.

As soon as things open up I'm having my vag lasered, I've heard such good things about it. It can burn a hole in my credit card, I'm stick of suffering.

Trigger suicide

I bitterly regret not taking my friend's suicide threats seriously. My only defence is I was 15 years old. I've lived guilt every day since he hung himself, for the past 26 years.

Thanks @timewilltellsontrushit that's interesting to hear of others with the same. They always say an abortion won't affect fertility but I really wonder otherwise
I have a healthy BMI, but I do know I eat far too much sugar!
I am just awaiting a frozen transfer, luckily got 4 embryos in the freezer after a cycle last month and should be starting the transfer process on my next cycle (in a day or two if it comes on time)

@HomeSliceKnowsBest I'm so sorry. Remember, though, you were a 15 year old yourself and so couldn't with the best will in the world make things magically different, I don't think you need to carry this guilt any more and I don't think your friend would want you to either.

Biggest regret is not putting all my money into Bitcoins when I first heard about them a decade or so ago.

Too many regrets really :(

@skirk64 a colleague of mine bought 10 bit coins when they were about £20 each - nothing happened for a few years or so and he sold them for roughly the same amount. The other day I looked at they were worth £50k each roughly..

@Worldwide2 @Flowers24

Sorry I only just came back to the thread and saw your replies asking about it.

In a nutshell I had insufficient supply, didn’t produce enough milk. I could tell, but as I was still in hospital for a few days after the birth and under the care of staff I took their advice to keep going with EBF. I told them repeatedly I wasn’t producing any milk but many staff members just kept telling me I was just anxious and to trust my body.

By day four, they weighed him, and he’d lost 13% (the guidance is to start supplementing at 7%). They were horrified and he was rushed to the neonatal unit.

In that time he’d developed jaundice partly because he wasn’t receiving adequate calories to ‘flush’ his system. As well as losing weight rapidly. Poor little guy was inconsolable and starving and suckling frantically the first few days and then just listless and exhausted as he was fading.

The jaundice had set in so severely his bilirubin levels were just under the threshold of requiring a full blood transfusion and there was a chance he would have ended up with brain damage as a result if we’d left it any longer to get some food into him. He needed a tube to be fed.

I will never forgive every single last one of those staff members who kept telling me I was just anxious and that my body would meet his needs, their desire to promote breastfeeding almost cost me my son. I will also never forgive myself for not standing my ground and trusting my instincts but I was exhausted and scared and felt like they would know best. For three days they said a drop of milk rubbed into his gums would be enough.

So yes I regret it bitterly. I have diagnosed PTSD from the experience and just typing this out has my heart racing and me feeling sick and shaking, I’m waiting for therapy. Nearly lost my newborn baby because qualified staff just didn’t understand that some parents have insufficient supply (1-5%) and some babies NEED supplementing with formula until milk comes in (which it doesn’t always).

I ended up continuing to force bf for nine long months of insufficient supply. Triple fed and took prescription drugs the whole time, never slept, never rested, just pimped and nursed around the clock. And I never made enough. But I couldn’t ever give myself permission to stop as I had swallowed the ‘breast is best’ mantra. I deeply regret not just admitting early on that not everyone can bf and formula feeding, but I never even knew it was possible to fail to make enough milk so I was convinced it was my fault and I just had to try harder. I was an absolute idiot.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

See above x

If I could tell any new parents anything it’s to keep an open mind about infant feeding, see how it goes and understand that while the majority of people who want to breastfeed will be able to, not everyone can. I’ve faced so much judgment and stigma for formula feeding and people telling me I should have done this or that differently but I did everything I could, everything, for so so so long. It still breaks my heart when I see friends nursing their toddlers knowing I wanted that so badly.