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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

830 replies

SylviaPlath1984 · 28/03/2021 09:22

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

OP posts:
MonicaGellerBing · 28/03/2021 20:23

Getting married

MazDazzle · 28/03/2021 20:23

She will teach; he will be successful.

Crikey, that’s quite a statement.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/03/2021 20:24

"She will teach; he will be successful."

The implication being that teaching equals being a failure??

Bluebells32 · 28/03/2021 20:27

I regret not finishing certain projects. I regret not trusting my gut instincts about certain people.

glowingtwig · 28/03/2021 20:27

In order of intensity:

  1. not freezing my eggs in my early 30s - we have a beautiful DD but 3 mc later trying for a sibling at 39/40 I'm scared it won't happen.

  2. becoming a teacher. I'm trapped and feel deskilled and unappreciated. I wish I'd pushed myself more at school and gone into medicine.

  3. wasting so much precious time on idiot men in my 20s/early 30s and spending my wonderful, free, youthful years weeping over cheating scumbags rather than enjoying myself.

Comparing these to other replies makes me feel very lucky in my life so far though.

Listener2021 · 28/03/2021 20:29

Having dcs. What an awful world to wish on them. I love them, but they are not happy or fulfilled.

Salarymallory · 28/03/2021 20:29

@Listener2021

Having dcs. What an awful world to wish on them. I love them, but they are not happy or fulfilled.
How old are they?
GojiberryStar · 28/03/2021 20:30

@topcat2014

Having a child placed with us for adoption, only to find that after 7 weeks my wife couldn't cope, and so he went back to foster carers.

Nearly 2 years on, and I think about him every day..

@topcat2014

I'd imagine this is clearly a really tricky situation for you for have to have a child returned. I didn't even know it was a thing to return a child.

Hope you can find peace with this.

Clariana · 28/03/2021 20:30

@Kazzyhoward

I am so sorry that happened to you. I am similar in some ways, bullied really badly all the way through school and not helped by teachers or parents. I also have never had any friends because I can't trust people and I just never learnt how to make friends. So, you are not alone, I suspect there are quite a few of us.

Cowbells · 28/03/2021 20:34

@schoolrummum

Like Annie987 I got into so much debt and it's taken so long and so much stress to get rid of it. Not standing up to toxic people and distancing myself from them sooner. Being a people pleaser for so many years. All such a waste.
I used to feel like this. But found that pretty quickly after you stop, your energy and self worth comes back and you feel glad that you won't get trapped by such people again. I know it will never ever happen to me again in my life time and that's a great, liberating feeling. So if you have alreay worked it out, that's brilliant news..
XingMing · 28/03/2021 20:34

To spell out the detail, he will earn a living in a precarious industry where there is no such thing as a job for life and all work is one-off and freelance, but well-paid while you work. She, I suspect will become a teacher, and will be paid 52 weeks a year. I worked freelance, and loved it, but which option would you recommend to your DC?

Mintyt · 28/03/2021 20:34

I would have to name change to tell,

GojiberryStar · 28/03/2021 20:38

My regrets

Not travelling after uni - instead I moved with then boyfriend. It didn't work out and was so dull compared to how it might have been

Mostly I regret that the upbringing I had has made it so hard to connect with people. I married the wrong man who turned out to be abusive and a male version of my abusive sibling.

My brain reacts to decent people trying to make a connection rather like a body does to a dodgy mussel. It's hard work and I'm working on it but I regret that it may never improve and if it does I will be 50Plus when it happens.

Coachee · 28/03/2021 20:46

This thread makes for sad reading. The only thing I regret is not maintaining more friendships as I’ve gotten older. I’ve always found it easy to make friends in new contexts but seem to drift in and out of friendships. I think it’s because I come across as very self-contained and self-sufficient but actually I just have a lot of anxiety around asking for support or help and putting people out.

Coffeepot72 · 28/03/2021 20:48

I regret the years I wasted on my first husband. We met when I was 22, I was smitten, he wasn’t. We spent the next 7 years being on/off, which made me miserable because I adored him. During this time everyone around us was settling down, getting married, starting families etc etc and his lack of commitment was becoming embarrassing. I finally thought things were coming together when we moved in together, when I was 29. I really pushed him to get married, and we tied the knot when I was 32. PHEW/RELIEF/VICTORY. I had caught up with my peers and could breathe again.

Then he left me for another woman 14 months later. So I was back to square one. I can’t believe how I thought/behaved during my 20s, I feared being Bridget Jones and put all my eggs in totally the wrong basket.

spidermomma · 28/03/2021 20:51

Staying with the same man since I was 17 and. Having kids even though I'm incredibly unhappy.... I wasted so much of my life and I'm now stuck financially! Never make my mistake please

groundcontroltomontydon · 28/03/2021 20:52

studying law
This. And all the other things I've done to try and make DM not dislike me. Never gonna happen.

Skatastic · 28/03/2021 20:55

Letting cunt ex H run me out of the home I had bought with my inheritance.

bubblebath62636 · 28/03/2021 20:57

Staying with DD1s dad even after he gave me genital herpes and abused me.

Not learning to drive, I'm now early 30s and scared to learn.

Stupid relationships when younger, wish I'd of stayed single and had fun.

Wish I'd of put effort into a career. I've done GCSE, A Level and an access course but it's in humanities I wish I'd of done science instead.

Relaxed more with Dd1 i was so young and detetmined to be the perfect mother, I was a slave to routine.

XingMing · 28/03/2021 20:58

I don't think teaching is failure. I have QTS so am never going to say that. But if you are a creative and commercial, then it's way more enjoyable and fulfilling than trying to teach a room full of wannabe fencing contractors.

MondeoFan · 28/03/2021 21:01

Having more children, saving a bit more instead of wasting on little things here and there, keeping one of my favourite cars I used to have, not spending more time with my grandparents.

MotherForker · 28/03/2021 21:04

Marrying ex-husband, not leaving him sooner.

SpaceBatAngelDragon · 28/03/2021 21:07

@ChangChang

So many things, most of which can be summarised by the phrase “living my life for other people” - it just doesn’t feel like life is my own and I wonder if it ever will 😕
Me too Sad
lockdownalli · 28/03/2021 21:09

Not leaving XH about 7 years earlier.

Staffy1 · 28/03/2021 21:13

Saving a particular quality street chocolate for the next day, by which time someone else had eaten it.