Quick background -
2 children, ages 2.5 years and 1 year. I am a SAHM and have been since the eldest was born. Eldest now attends nursery for two half days a week and baby is at home.
H works for himself so pretty much as many hours as he can get away with. He works out of the house and also has an office upstairs. I ask him to finish at 6pm during the week to help get the kids ready for bed time at 7pm. By that point I've usually fed them and got pjs on etc, it's just teeth brushing left to do and story in bed. They're usually in bed between 6:30 and 7pm.
At the weekend I expect there to be a willingness to help but there is none.
Today he has sat on the sofa leaving the youngest to cry and scream while I was busy trying to make them all food. He did the same while I was trying to go to the toilet and at various other points through the day. the youngest is very clingy to me and will often get upset when he's put down but if he's picked up again or interacted with then he's fine. He's just not so good at entertaining himself, he is only one after all.
He hardly interacts with our youngest, just seems to ignore him. He took him upstairs for a while, the idea being that he worked a bit in the office and DS played but he just sat and cried because he was again being ignored. Then H gets pissed off because the baby isn't behaving how he wants him to. So I just ended up taking him back downstairs and had him with me.
The eldest is going through the "I don't want to share stage" so there is a lot of screaming and tension sometimes.
Every weekend is the same. He will be present but not really present during the day, he will usually be on the laptop or his phone, too engaged to interact with the kids or me or to offer any sort of help when I'm struggling. If I ask for help then it's met with a sigh or eye roll, it's always a problem.
Then in the afternoon he will sneak off upstairs and disappear into the office for hours, even if he can hear that I'm having a hard time he won't come down unless asked and even then he will still sit on the sofa and not be proactive about trying to help.
I'm now at boiling point. Today he's been fucking useless. Done nothing to help and then snaps at me because he's apparently sick of the kids screaming "all the fucking time" in his words. I'm just so sick of it. I make everyone's meals, juggle the house work and children, try to be a good and present parent, I have no breaks, I do all the night time wake ups, he doesn't do any at all. He says that's because he works so he shouldn't have to do them.
Is he useless or am I too harsh?