Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To have a picture of wife age 18 on my computer?

118 replies

Dadforit · 27/03/2021 17:25

My wife and I are early 40s and have been together since sixth form. While sorting through some old stuff recently, I came across a photo of her on the beach that I took when we were 18. It brought back some happy memories, so I scanned the picture and set it as my laptop background.
I thought it would make her smile but she seems distinctly unimpressed. I've asked if it's a problem and if I should change it back, but she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way.
She knows how attractive I find her now, it's not as if I'm harking after her former self. And I took the picture, it's not like it's from years before we met. But am I missing something? Any thoughts gratefully received.

OP posts:

ScarfaceCwaw · 27/03/2021 17:27

Well it wouldn't bother me and indeed would make me smile, but I'm not your DW. You need to tell her it seemed like she was upset and ask why.

How is your marriage generally?

BendyLikeBeckham · 27/03/2021 17:30

No, just no.

Nothing like making a woman in her 40s feel like shit about aging and her changing body, like idolised how she was at aged 18. It will only emphasise the differences.

If you love and respect her, go by her reaction and remove it.

BendyLikeBeckham · 27/03/2021 17:30

and wtf is voting yanbu?

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/03/2021 17:32

You’re making her feel shit about how she looks now. It’s kind of obvious so you’re coming across as a bit dense You’ve used that picture as the version of her you were most attracted to, and want to look at every day - or that’s how it seems.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 17:34

Clearly, this photo is making her feel very insecure about her current self. Remove the picture, put it in a folder on your desktop and enjoy it in private.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 27/03/2021 17:34

Man alive this made me laugh

she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way

take the hint before she flays you alive with a teaspoon or something!

Maybe it's a picture she doesn't like?? My mother was and still is very into "let's have a nice photo" ...she plagued my father to buy a decent camera and we were all stalked mercilessly for "nice photos" ...funnily enough I was doing some clearing out recently and a good deal of photos that I have involve me wearing the same expression I imagine your wife has when she says "it's fine"

littlepattilou · 27/03/2021 17:35

@Dadforit

I can't see anything wrong with it at all. YANBU. But she is entitled to feel aggrieved by it.

FFS though, don't do what my friend's husband did. He pulled out a lovely pic of her when she looked like Gwyneth Paltrow (and was 25 years younger, and 5 stone lighter,) and said 'you looked so lovely there. Look how white your teeth were, how sharp your jaw was, and how lovely and slim you were...'

He meant well, and still finds her attractive, but she said he made her feel like shit. She said 'he may as well have said I am old and fat and ugly now, with yellow fucking teeth .'

Have to be careful. Sometimes, well-meaning stuff can go a bit wrong, and men are the worst for getting it wrong. Sorry, but they really are...

Northernsoullover · 27/03/2021 17:35

That's ridiculous. Do I wish my children because I still have pictures of them as toddlers on my wall? No, its our history.

GreenBalaclava · 27/03/2021 17:36

I'd be ok with this personally, but your wife clearly isn't. So I would respect her viewpoint and change it.

NiceTwin · 27/03/2021 17:36

I would think it was lovely but as a pp said, I'm not your wife.

Maybe ask her why she doesn't like it?

Superfoodie123 · 27/03/2021 17:37

I think its sweet you still have a photo of her from when you were younger. Not everything is about how you look, I like to look at pics of my husband from when we were younger to remind me of those care free days.

Capital76 · 27/03/2021 17:39

It really would not bothet me at all

Im a 30+ yo mum been with dh since 18... whave pics of us both from teen to now in the house. He has a pic from our early days in his office

Time changes and we all do too! Happy memories past and present should be enjoyed

Op its not your fault and i have voted yanbu. Seriously if this was the other way about and i had a pic of dh when he had a six pack aged 24 as my screensaver he would love it even though hes 35 now with a definate lack of abs

Alittlelouder · 27/03/2021 17:40

but she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way.

Yeah, it's not fine. Change it.

SmokedDuck · 27/03/2021 17:40

I's think it's fine, rather nice really, it makes her feel bad, so I'd probably take it down. Or at least ask her to elucidate, maybe it's something more specific that bothers her about it.

Gumandbass · 27/03/2021 17:41

Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. She clearly doesn't like it so for that reason alone I'd change it. I personally love having reminders of how I looked in my prime. In my walk in I have a massive blown up picture if me dancing topless at a beach party. We're all different. If it bothers her, remove it.

flametrees · 27/03/2021 17:41

Remove it quickly before that "fine" turns into "wow"

theDudesmummy · 27/03/2021 17:41

I don't think I would like this at all. It reminds me of when I found some old photos of myself from when I was in my 20s and showed them to my stepdaughter, her reaction was (clearly she thought she was being nice) was "Wow, I can't believe how beautiful you were!"...that made me feel good (not)!

Milkshake7489 · 27/03/2021 17:41

Me and my dh have been together since we were 18. I love looking through old photos of him! It's not that I don't fancy him now... I just like to be reminded of what he was like back then because I have good memories that I like to relive.

I know he does the same because sometimes he'll show me... I think it's sweet.

Obviously if your wife is insecure you should try to reassure her (and take the photo down if it's upsetting her), but I don't think you did anything wrong.

LoveDrunk · 27/03/2021 17:44

Thoughts? Change the photo.

InFiveMins · 27/03/2021 17:45

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

Notimeforaname · 27/03/2021 17:46

I dont see anything wrong with it. But if she's going to tell you ''its fine'' and its clearly not... then she is being unreasonable and it would make things less complicated if she just said how she really felt.

Notimeforaname · 27/03/2021 17:47

It's a weird and pervy thing to do

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not

🤣 this genuinely made me laugh

Devlesko · 27/03/2021 17:48

It may have been a bad time for her, maybe some past memories. Not necessarily really bad, maybe she had a problem with her imagine back then.
I'd just change it, I'm in my 50's and wouldn't object to dh doing it, we met at 21. Neither of us were what we were back then

shouldistop · 27/03/2021 17:49

*It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.*

Are you joking? I can't tell.

Op I think it's nice as I love old pics of dh on holiday etc. Nice memories like you say.

When a woman says "it's fine" in that alarming manner, it isn't fine so just change it.

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 17:50

She knows how attractive I find her now, it's not as if I'm harking after her former self

Except you are harking after her former self by sticking the picture up as your background.

What was the background before?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5