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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a picture of wife age 18 on my computer?

118 replies

Dadforit · 27/03/2021 17:25

My wife and I are early 40s and have been together since sixth form. While sorting through some old stuff recently, I came across a photo of her on the beach that I took when we were 18. It brought back some happy memories, so I scanned the picture and set it as my laptop background.
I thought it would make her smile but she seems distinctly unimpressed. I've asked if it's a problem and if I should change it back, but she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way.
She knows how attractive I find her now, it's not as if I'm harking after her former self. And I took the picture, it's not like it's from years before we met. But am I missing something? Any thoughts gratefully received.

OP posts:
Gumandbass · 27/03/2021 17:50

@InFiveMins

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

I think you have some issues if you think it's wierd & pervy for a man to enjoy looking at pictures of his wife/partner from her younger years. Fond memories are not weird & pervy. Have a wonderful with yourself
Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 17:52

Actually though does anyone even look at the background on their computer? Mine's a generic cat picture, and I can't say I ever study it.
Couldn't tell you what DH's is (laptop).

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 27/03/2021 17:53

Many people are embarrassed about photos of them being displayed, even current ones. More so ones from many years ago. I am not surprised if your DW does not like it.

CastleCrasher · 27/03/2021 17:53

DH and I are about your age and meet at about the same age. It wouldn't bother me if he had a photo of 18yr old me, but it does bother you dw and that's what matters. If you like the photo a lot why not out it and others of her (recent ones!!) on as a screensaver instead? Or make a collage as your desktop. I'm assuming here that it's the fact that this is the only photo you are displaying that's bothering her, rather than that she hates either that photo or all photos of herself for that matter

Notimeforaname · 27/03/2021 17:53

Except you are harking after her former self by sticking the picture up as your background

That's mad that you've decided you know what's in this mans mind!! How do you do that ?

I have old pictures of people I love everywhere. It remind me of a lovely time and fo d memories of that era. Not purely because I'm harking after the old them. Hmm

Shame the op hasn't got that option.

Notimeforaname · 27/03/2021 17:54

Fond memories*

Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 17:55

I am 41 and I would love it if dh did this! Clearly I’m in the minority but I would think it’s really sweet! Dh and I have been together god knows how long and we joked the other day and say how we’ve both changed since we first met but that’s life! It’s fun to think back to being young and good memories. People are too worried about staying young forever. I don’t care at all that I’m a size 18 now and was a size 10 when we met and neither does dh but he can still look at me when I was 18 or whatever and think I was hot- and he still thinks I’m hot now!

Gumandbass · 27/03/2021 17:56

Opps, meant have a word with yourself

ScarfaceCwaw · 27/03/2021 17:56

I will genuinely never understand this place, and how many women here hate themselves and find it completely normal to expect other people to manage and accommodate their self-hatred.

Saying it's "weird and pervy" to have fond memories of when you and your wife were both 18 together. I mean, my God. Clearly the only acceptable way to feel is to assure your wife that you absolutely hated all the time you spent with her before 40, but fortunately on her 40th birthday you fell shatteringly in love with her.

If you don't like the way you look now compared to when you were 18, it's yours to manage, not on a partner to never look at or enjoy photos for that time. And also the PA "it's fine" when it's clearly not fine is bullshit.

Jaxhog · 27/03/2021 17:57

What's the problem? DH and I still have pictures around of us from when we first met at 19.

Jaxhog · 27/03/2021 17:58

PS. We're in our 60s now and also have current pictures up.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 17:59

@ScarfaceCwaw

I will genuinely never understand this place, and how many women here hate themselves and find it completely normal to expect other people to manage and accommodate their self-hatred.

Saying it's "weird and pervy" to have fond memories of when you and your wife were both 18 together. I mean, my God. Clearly the only acceptable way to feel is to assure your wife that you absolutely hated all the time you spent with her before 40, but fortunately on her 40th birthday you fell shatteringly in love with her.

If you don't like the way you look now compared to when you were 18, it's yours to manage, not on a partner to never look at or enjoy photos for that time. And also the PA "it's fine" when it's clearly not fine is bullshit.

Absolutely this.
Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 18:00

@Notimeforaname

Except you are harking after her former self by sticking the picture up as your background

That's mad that you've decided you know what's in this mans mind!! How do you do that ?

I have old pictures of people I love everywhere. It remind me of a lovely time and fo d memories of that era. Not purely because I'm harking after the old them. Hmm

Shame the op hasn't got that option.

Of course I don't know what's in this man's mind, I am not doing anything (other than reply to a thread in AIBU on MN). Confused I was more trying to imagine what was going on in his wife's actually.-because she doesn't seem best pleased judging by OP's post.

I have loads of photos, they are all in the loft. We are all different.

Old (presumably framed) pictures of people you love everywhere is not comparable to bunging one on randomly as your computer background. (IMO not mind reading or anything)

Ladyofmainlyleisure · 27/03/2021 18:01

If she’s that insecure about how she looks now, she should have some therapy.

We all age, you took the picture, you love her.
It’s not like you’ve put a screen shot of an Instagram 18 year old on your computer.......

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 27/03/2021 18:02

@InFiveMins

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

Agree

It was fine to find her attractive then as assuming you were also a young person?
But age 40.....?

Odd behaviour to set it as your background yes

mumwon · 27/03/2021 18:02

Dh has unearthed a really old picture of me which he has on his (so-called) study wall - it makes me cringe a bit - but bless him, its a compliment & so long as it not its the lounge ....

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 18:03

I will genuinely never understand this place

If you accept that going on a MN Talk topic and asking 'AIBU' realising you will get a variety of answers, some of which you might not like, it's a lot easier to understand. Grin

CatherinedeBourgh · 27/03/2021 18:06

@Bagelsandbrie

I am 41 and I would love it if dh did this! Clearly I’m in the minority but I would think it’s really sweet! Dh and I have been together god knows how long and we joked the other day and say how we’ve both changed since we first met but that’s life! It’s fun to think back to being young and good memories. People are too worried about staying young forever. I don’t care at all that I’m a size 18 now and was a size 10 when we met and neither does dh but he can still look at me when I was 18 or whatever and think I was hot- and he still thinks I’m hot now!
I’m nearly 50 and think it’s sweet too. In fact I recently came across a photo ofdh and I at 20 and put it up on a wall.

We’re both much better looking now, of course ;)

Snugglepiggy · 27/03/2021 18:11

Oh dear.One of my lock found projects has been sorting through hundreds of old photos.I had a nice unused large frame and have made a montage of favourite photos over the years and put it in our study.It makes me happy.Lits of lovely memories. .Admittedly there are ones of both DH and myself- looking much younger and fitter. Saying its pervy to have a photo of your wife when she was younger ?Really ?

MarieDelaere · 27/03/2021 18:11

enjoy it in private

Oh lord above

Quaagars · 27/03/2021 18:13

I'm in my 40s and met DH when I was 18, so this could have been written about me lol.
Sounds like she's feeling insecure about the way she looks when she looks at the photo from how she was then to how she is now.
I've put on a ton of weight since I was 18 so if it was a picture of me I think I'd see it as inspiration to finally lose some, but we're all different!
As for the poster saying it's pervy to have a pic of your own wife or husband when they were younger - Hmm Biscuit

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 18:13

For me it's the computer screensaver thing, it's different to sticking pictures on the walls and wandering past them every now and again. Maybe OP's DW would be ok with that?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/03/2021 18:14

You basically have a picture of a teenage girl in (?) skimpy clothing on your computer to look at every day.

It might have been her but it isn't her now.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 27/03/2021 18:14

DH and I met when we were 18. If I am honest I would rather he had a nice recent pic of me than one from years ago, but I am not sure that I can articulate why! The home screen on his phone is a photo of us on holiday a couple of years ago and I really like that one.

You said she was on the beach, was she wearing something skimpy? That might be a factor.

I would just accept that she isnt keen on the idea for some reason and change it without saying anything. I think it shows you are caring by coming on here to ask for opinions though.

MarieDelaere · 27/03/2021 18:15

Do you agree with me? asks OP.

Some posters: yes

Some posters: no

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE!! cries a poster, lost on the wrong board and possibly the wrong website and in the wrong epistemological reality.