Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To have a picture of wife age 18 on my computer?

118 replies

Dadforit · 27/03/2021 17:25

My wife and I are early 40s and have been together since sixth form. While sorting through some old stuff recently, I came across a photo of her on the beach that I took when we were 18. It brought back some happy memories, so I scanned the picture and set it as my laptop background.
I thought it would make her smile but she seems distinctly unimpressed. I've asked if it's a problem and if I should change it back, but she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way.
She knows how attractive I find her now, it's not as if I'm harking after her former self. And I took the picture, it's not like it's from years before we met. But am I missing something? Any thoughts gratefully received.

OP posts:

Quaagars · 27/03/2021 18:31

TBF why would you start a thread then disappear? Especially after saying replies are gratefully received. confused An hour is quite a long time IMO

Well, seeing as it's only a couple of pages in and we're getting "creepy" "pervy" and accused of trolling (Daily Fail journo, Loose Women article, brand new poster - so what if they are - could be a name change)
Wouldn't blame if hadn't fucked off rolling eyes tbh lol

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 18:32

@Quaagars

TBF why would you start a thread then disappear? Especially after saying replies are gratefully received. confused An hour is quite a long time IMO

It might even be a reverse and it's the wife posting.

Emeraldshamrock · 27/03/2021 18:34

I wouldn't mind. Has DW physically changed a lot during the years? Or just an older version of her young self?
If she has put on 5 stone or lost her hair it wouldn't be nice to see it.

Onairjunkie · 27/03/2021 18:35

My H has a very favourite photo of me. It was taken probably about ten years ago when I was 20 something. He loves it and it’s up in his library. I cannot see why that would that be offensive?

YukoandHiro · 27/03/2021 18:36

Oh god I would HATE that. It suggests that you haven't moved on from the person you were who was attracted to that young thing when she has moved on decades - she isn't that person anymore and neither are you. She wants to feel that you now love her now.

customwatkins · 27/03/2021 18:37

It wouldn't bother me at all! Good memories of early days.

Is she in a very sensitive/ self-conscious place at the moment? (Maybe feeling shit about her body, or feeling crap about getting older?) in that case I understand her reaction.

I'm sure you were in better shape when you took that photo too

Griefmonster · 27/03/2021 18:41

I agree with a PP @Dadforit that my first thought was that it is reminding her of a hard time for her. I can't look of pictures of me from when I have PND with my first DC. Smile slapped on my face bit I know I was browsing inside. Or from when I had a miscarriage. My DH once put a photo up of me when we were out entertaining DC1 while I was still bleeding following miscarriage of pregnancy 2. I was livid. He thought it was a nice photo.

Ask her. Not us.

1forAll74 · 27/03/2021 18:43

I would not find this a problem at all. It's like looking at some older photo's in your albums if you have them.. It's fun to look back and remember how you looked years ago,and what styles of dress you wore back then etc. Photo's can bring back some happy memories usually..If you are insecure about your looks now, as to how you looked years ago, that's all a bit silly.

ShaneTheThird · 27/03/2021 18:45

What a fucking none issue. Really theres no point in some posters taking photographs at all if their attitude is you cant look at and display old photos because life is now different.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/03/2021 18:57

My DH and I met and fell in love aged 19 (the age our son is now). We have a photo in our room of our first date, which I love because it reminds me of a wonderfully happy time, and I like to see how we have changed, and how we have remained the same. Take it down, but ask your wife why it's an issue for her.

Original poster

Dadforit · 27/03/2021 18:59

Thank you all for taking the trouble to reply.

I think I'll change the picture...

OP posts:

Chartreuse45 · 27/03/2021 19:00

I think you should take it down for two reasons - 1) she doesn't seem to mean it's fine and 2) it predates the two of you meeting. Therefore it's not a memory. It's a photo of an 18 year old you never met. That's why it seems weird to me, unless you met her before she was 23/4 she must have looked quite different when you did meet.

Chartreuse45 · 27/03/2021 19:03

Sorry misread when you met. I tried to delete but seems I can't! Sorry again

blowinahoolie · 27/03/2021 19:04

We all know what "it's fine" really means 🤷

Honeyroar · 27/03/2021 19:07

I’d personally be over the moon if my husband posted a photo of when I was young and gorgeous instead of current photos of when I’m not so young and gorgeous! I wouldn’t think it meant he didn’t fancy me now. But it’s clearly not impressing your wife, so perhaps change it for a more recent on?

BigFatLiar · 27/03/2021 19:07

@Chartreuse45

it predates the two of you meeting. Therefore it's not a memory. It's a photo of an 18 year old you never met.

He does actually mention that he took it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/03/2021 19:09

It's nice to look at old photos of your first days TOGETHER, it brings back happy memories. It would really be weird of me to put up a photo of just an 18 year old DH now we are late 40s. But putting up a silly photo of BOTH of us in a photo booth during our courting days is a bit different - that's just happy memories. (I can remember that night exactly!)

If people were particularly sensitive about their appearance does that mean that they wouldn't want any of their wedding photos on display when they're 50?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/03/2021 19:09

she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way

This line makes me think you are likeable and have a sense of humour.

I’d change it now she’s remarked on it though!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/03/2021 19:10

I don’t think we’ve established that OP is male have we?

MarieDelaere · 27/03/2021 19:16

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I don’t think we’ve established that OP is male have we?

Their user name is dad something. I'm binge watching Murder She Wrote and I'm taking that as a clue.

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 19:19

I had envisaged Liam Gallagher going by the username.

seashells11 · 27/03/2021 19:20

My dh has a pic of me from about 20 years ago which I framed because he likes it. He says I look no different now, even better in fact. (I think he needs his eyes testing) . But for me it's an incentive to go on a diet.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/03/2021 19:22

@InFiveMins

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

This. Is. Mental.

Truly.

No, it's not pervy. It's fine he did it, but she clearly doesn't like it. But she should say why.

If it were me, I might not like it as I prefer how I look now. Just happier with my body shape & (weirdly) like that my face is less round due to ageing! I know most women in their 40s hate that, but I always disliked what I perceived as my 'wider' face. Bonkers & all in my head, I know..

Anyway, back to topic. DW should just tell you she doesn't like it. You should just ask are. These married couples who can't just talk! 😀

EarringsandLipstick · 27/03/2021 19:23

@MarieDelaere

enjoy it in private

Oh lord above

😂😂😂

Conditionconditioncondition · 27/03/2021 19:24

@SleepingStandingUp

You basically have a picture of a teenage girl in (?) skimpy clothing on your computer to look at every day.

It might have been her but it isn't her now.

18 is an adult

Flip

1 2 3 4 5