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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a picture of wife age 18 on my computer?

118 replies

Dadforit · 27/03/2021 17:25

My wife and I are early 40s and have been together since sixth form. While sorting through some old stuff recently, I came across a photo of her on the beach that I took when we were 18. It brought back some happy memories, so I scanned the picture and set it as my laptop background.
I thought it would make her smile but she seems distinctly unimpressed. I've asked if it's a problem and if I should change it back, but she just says "it's fine" in an alarming way.
She knows how attractive I find her now, it's not as if I'm harking after her former self. And I took the picture, it's not like it's from years before we met. But am I missing something? Any thoughts gratefully received.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 27/03/2021 19:24

If it was me, it would be fine ( obviously not if it was you, but if it was my dh Grin). I also like looking back at happy memories.
Your wife clearly doesn’t like it, so I’d change it in line with her feelings. I don’t think it’s a bit drama though

DragonDoor · 27/03/2021 19:25

It would have been different if she had scanned the picture and sent it to you. It’s a bit weird to do that yourself and set it as a screensaver - it’s not your image, it’s hers.

Conditionconditioncondition · 27/03/2021 19:25

@InFiveMins

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

You're the one with the weird behaviour here
EarringsandLipstick · 27/03/2021 19:25

It might have been her but it isn't her now.

FFS. It IS her. It's not a random teenager. No, it's not her 'now'. If he sticks up a photo of her that's taken last summer, by your definition it's not 'her' either.

Suzi888 · 27/03/2021 19:28

Wouldn’t bother me at all, think it’s lovely.
But if you think it bothers her, take it down or at least perhaps ask why.

Sarcobaleno · 27/03/2021 19:31

I look fairly different to when my DH met me at 21 after 25 years and 2 kids. If he did this I'd be touched. It's completely ok to love the old you and the new you. I really don't see the problem. If you're 90 is it ok to have a photo of your partner when they're 50 displayed? Yes, obviously it is. So why not this?

Sarcobaleno · 27/03/2021 19:33

I should say, your wife doesn't sound happy for whatever reason so respect that. But maybe have a chat about how you both feel. Sounds like she has something troubling her.

MadMadMadamMim · 27/03/2021 19:43

I'd be ok with it. I'm mid 50s.

I guess she's not though, so I'd probably change it for a recent one of her!

Original poster
Dadforit · 27/03/2021 19:44

I'll return to the subject with her in a day or two after it's gone.
My takeaway from the helpful discussion is that it really doesn't matter why for now, if it seems like she's not keen, then change it.
And our marriage is wonderful, thanks for asking, two girls age 15 & 13 Smile

OP posts:
VienneseWhirligig · 27/03/2021 19:46

I love looking at old photos of DH, and us together. I have never looked better than I looked at 18 so I would be happy with that myself but maybe your DW is insecure. It's quite sad though that so many people think you are BU.

Dentistlakes · 27/03/2021 19:47

Personally, it wouldn’t bother me and I don’t think it’s a particularly odd thing to do. However, your wife clearly doesn’t like it and for that reason I would remove it.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 27/03/2021 19:49

@BendyLikeBeckham

and wtf is voting yanbu?
Those of us who feel differently to you. It is allowed you know🙄🙄

@Dadforit. I'd think it was quite sweet as you took the photo & you were together. Say to her that you're concerned it seems to have annoyed or upset her, but you just thought it was a nice photo from when you were both young & carefree....

MarieDelaere · 27/03/2021 19:50

@Dadforit

I'll return to the subject with her in a day or two after it's gone. My takeaway from the helpful discussion is that it really doesn't matter why for now, if it seems like she's not keen, then change it. And our marriage is wonderful, thanks for asking, two girls age 15 & 13 Smile
Yes yes that's all very well, OP, but are you Liam Gallagher?
Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2021 19:51

I'll return to the subject with her in a day or two after it's gone

I wouldn't bother, just let it go.

JaneJeffer · 27/03/2021 19:52

Nothing wrong with it.

Ermintrude74 · 27/03/2021 19:54

@InFiveMins

It's a weird and pervy thing to do.

You're in your 40s, having a photo of an 18 year old woman as your computer wallpaper is just weird behaviour whether it's your wife or not.

Give over.
Ermintrude74 · 27/03/2021 20:03

@SleepingStandingUp

You basically have a picture of a teenage girl in (?) skimpy clothing on your computer to look at every day.

It might have been her but it isn't her now.

Dear lord, what a dark and twisted place your mind must be.
EarringsandLipstick · 27/03/2021 20:16

@MarieDelaere

Do you agree with me? asks OP.

Some posters: yes

Some posters: no

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE!! cries a poster, lost on the wrong board and possibly the wrong website and in the wrong epistemological reality.

Brilliant @MarieDelaere 😂
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