Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

I think SIBU, but I bloody luffs naps. On the rare occasion I am home alone in the day I always sneak a nap in. Lovely pillow, soft throw, this time of year a sunbeam coming through the window. Aaaah. But I know though that day naps come with the risk of noise from outside and if I can’t sleep through then that’s tough luck on me and I miss out.

I’m working the nights and would never dream about asking my neighbours to be quiet because I sleep.

There are reasons other than laziness why someone might need a nap in the day. People with arthritis (for example) may only sleep a few hours at a stretch before waking up in pain and may not be able to get back.

I often nap in the afternoon but I use earplugs as suggested by many posters. The wax ones are best and can, with care, be reused several times. I go through a box a month - cost about £3 on AZ.

I also sleep in the back of the house. In cases where neighbor decided to mow lawn I put a radio on or just ignore. If you know a noise is going to happen you can dis-attend it.

You cant expect everyone to creep about to suit your lifestyle. I would suggest these adjustments to the neighbor and then leave it with her,

I love to nap and I'm naturally a night owl. I go through phases of sleeping in until 12 whenever my work/obligations to my child permit. I don't expect the rest of the world to be quiet in order for me to do that though.

I have a fan for white noise and would never expect to sleep at the expense of children playing outside. It's a normal sound and it doesn't seem like your neighbour is putting in much of an effort to move into another room, use earplugs etc. She sounds very unwell or selfish but either way your children shouldn't have to suffer.

Your neighbour is unreasonable. Yes, it can be annoying to be woken while you’re napping, but sadly, the world does not stop during daylight hours. Your kids don’t sound like they’re being unreasonably noisy.

@Bunnyrun5

Why does she need an afternoon nap, I’m over 60 and still got plenty of energy, you should put some leaflets for care homes or community volunteering through her door!!! 😂

What a horrible suggestion. PPs have given plenty of reasons why she is having naps - I have them frequently too as a 49 year old with a long-term chronic neurological illness. Why have people lost so much insight and compassion?

Have you tried a white noise player? There's a lot on the market aimed at kids but I know a few adults who use them

Thanks, yes, I tried many things initially and after 10 years I've pretty much habituated and it doesn't often trouble me. However, using earplugs is something I can't comfortably do as it isolates the unwanted noise. Also, very loud and intrusive noises such as screaming and basketballs on a hard surface exacerbate the tinnitus and make it worse for a day or two even when the outside noise has stopped. I cope ok with it mostly, but it helps when people are considerate about not making unecessary noise such as bouncing a sports ball on a hard surface. It can be torture for some.

She sounds like a couple who moved in next to our friends and told them thet when the blinds were down in the bedroom the baby was sleeping and no-one was allowed to make any noise near her house, this during the day in the school holidays, she used to get hysterical if there was any normal noise.

My dad is your neighbour 😂 he likes an afternoon nap but wouldn’t complain about noisy children as it was his choice to nap. He used to joke to the neighbours though about it and it became a running joke so anyone playing outside at that time would loudly whisper shhhhhh puppy’s dad is sleeping 😂

She’s 66 - not elderly. You have a young family and inevitably there will be noise. Tell her this politely - she’s being totally unreasonable if she thinks you’re going to tiptoe around for three hours every afternoon.

Buy her some ear plugs.
You're not doing anything wrong and being too nice will encourage more gumbling. Just explain that, to you, the nighttime is for sleeping, and it's not like your sons and friend are noisy at inappropriate hours. She must be a very light sleeper.
Definitely ear plugs rather than cake!

Tell her to do one.

Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive
This is the absolute worse sound and I too would go crazy with this right next to my house.

Your neighbour is being very unreasonable ! Its the daytime so surely she must expect some noise, if it was late at night id agree, she is being very silly!

I wonder if there are cultural factors here. My husband grew up in a country with siestas where children are kept quiet from 2-4 pm in the afternoons. It’s less so now, but at the weekends we do make sure to allow the neighbours to nap in peace.

She’s being unreasonable. Ear plugs are her friend. I hate conflict with neighbours but that’s a ridiculous expectation on her part. You can’t live like that.

She is being ridiculous. If she naps during the day,, she has to accept this. If she wants total peace, she needs to move to a house far from others. Why does a 66 year old nap for 3 hours during the day? Is she I'll?

Shit sandwich. Apologise for the fact she is unable to sleep with noise not that you are making the noise , explain things aren't going to change as they aren't being unreasonable, give flowers.

I feel quite sorry for her, but it IS the middle of the afternoon. She should try ear plugs or maybe nap somewhere else. It’s not really practical to keep the kids quite in the middle of the afternoon. If I was her I’d forget my nap and just go to bed earlier...

If they were playing out late at night or you were partying all night I'd agree with her but I don't think she can expect silence for 3 hours during the afternoon. That is just not reasonable. I seriously think she needs earplugs. I have no idea how you suggest this diplomatically. She has no qualms about imposing her lifestyle and needs on you; you have young children - they need to play and let off steam. I don't think you can make your children tiptoe around during the day. Do let us know what you do! Good luck

Reverse?

Kids are kids, Surely hearing children playing and having a bit of fun is preferable to an afternoon kip. It’s great your children are outside playing rather than stuck indoors on gaming devices. Yes a peace offering sounds like a nice idea, far better to keep things friendly and not hold any grudges.

Children playing with a ball on a Saturday afternoon. Outside? After an awful year of restrictions? How dare they!

She sounds nuts. Just laugh it off. You've done nothing wrong

I usually have an afternoon nap, but I wouldn't blame the neighbours if they disturbed me at that time.

Not your problem, completely unreasonable to expect children to be silent late afternoon. If you wants to nap, she knows school hours, or how about she does what everyone else (night workers aside m) do and sleep at night. I would say that you apologise for waking her but they need to run off steam before dinner so they don't disturb people in the evening when they are putting babies to bed.