Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

I've RTFT, she's batshit, carry on as you were.

Kids need to be kids, and playing in the street, during the day, is totally reasonable.

If she needs that level of quiet, SHE needs to adjust. I suggest she needs to move to a more rural house, or wear earplugs.

I'd completely ignore her

I've lived in my house for about 6 years, and am slightly younger than your neighbour. I live in a cul de sac and at various points the children in my road have played basketball and football, they have run up and down the road shrieking, they have played on my nextdoor but one neighbour's slide and swing, they have biked, and rollerskated and occasionally fought each other (and their Dads) with nerf guns and waterpistols. Sometimes this has been very annoying - especially when I've been working (I was wfh even before the pandemic) or when I've just wanted to enjoy the peace of my garden. BUT, I've never said a word - because they're basically doing what children should be doing - playing outdoors with their friends. So, please don't let your neighbour stop your children behaving like children!

Shes being absolutely ridiculous. If she wants a daily siesta, that's fine. But she kind expect the world to stop because of it.

I like a nap late afternoon but not 3 hours! I fully accept that other people are up and about doing normal things so don't object at all to any noise. Even my husband doing work on the house. I am a heavy sleeper and don't have perfect hearing.

I just think you have to get on with it if you live in a house and estate like this.

She is being utterly ridiculous.

I lived in a lower flat underneath some young kids in my 20s. They drove my batshit crazy with the noise and running around but I chose to live there - it wasn’t late at night.

Don’t stop your children playing

OMG really I love to sleep in, DP is blind and has weird sleeping habits he often requires a nap, we have a 16yo DS ( need I say more) None of us would even think about approaching our neighbours about noise at that time of the day. I really just do not get the sense of entitlement that someone would chastise children for playing at that time. I would be inclined to be very PA and buy some earplugs for her

Her request does seem unreasonable, and I don’t think you should comply, but I also feel rather sad for your neighbour following your update. It sounds like she’s sleeping to escape her unhappiness and might have quite severe mental health problems following her multiple bereavements.

I’d be tempted to ask her round for tea and cake one afternoon after school, during the time she’s normally sleeping, so that you can chat and she can meet the children properly, and maybe enjoy being awake for an afternoon. This event might be a catalyst for helping her feel better, if you can stay calm about it in the same way she has. Posters recommending being rude or forceful are doing so from behind a keyboard, and not thinking about how these things play out (no pun intended) in real life, where staying cordial or even being friendly with neighbours is the norm, and can even enhance your life.

As someone who regularly maps through the day due to chronic fatigue/RA she is being very unreasonable! Let them play, they can avoid noise at that time forever

I would tell her to Fuck Off in all honesty and I’m not one to create issues between neighbours. Such a sad state of affairs that kids are now being made to feel like a nuisance for playing outside instead of just being glued to a screen!

I like hearing child noise from normal playing, running around, hide and seek, a bit of football, scooters and bikes, nerf wars, water pistols all perfectly fine.

I'm not elderly and don't have an afternoon nap.

BUT, bouncing basketballs in the street is really fucking annoying. I couldn't be more glad when the basketball net across the street from me got hit by the bin lorry.

Yes, repetitive ball bouncing is like water torture.

@hollytrees25 I can’t believe you’ll stop your children doing normal healthy child play in the middle of the day to appease a grown adult who wants to nap!!!! You could spoil your children’s friendships if other kids know not to come to your house coz it’s the no fun zone!

FFS grow some parenting bollocks and be on your children’s side against this very unreasonable neighbour. This has to be a joke surely.

I am 62 and don't sleep well at night. I will take a 45 minute nap and if there is house that is my problem. Kids need to be able to play and make noise between 2-5 p.m. This is her problem not yours.

If she gets woken up so easily she obviously doesn’t need a nap. I used to work nights and kids playing outside would never have woken me.

I accepted I had to put up with noise,....people mowing their lawns, kids outside, traffic, etc.

NotQuiteHere
You think it's reasonable for one neighbour to dictate what others in the street can do during the day?

The OP already adjusted her child's play to show consideration. Why should her children avoid entirely reasonable daytime activities because a neighbour says so?

Could they not play in your back garden? I don't think front gardens are generally played in.

However, the lady is wrong to comment. She can presumably have her nap in another room.

Some people are beyond ridiculous. The day time is for people who are awake - she needs to get some noise blocking earphones and put up and shut up like I did when I did nights, not hold the entire neighbourhood to ransom.
I love an afternoon nap when I'm not working and I wouldn't dream of asking all my neighbours to keep quiet during that time ff's.

Basketball sounds are bad

Notice how the friend got sent away from his own house to yours to play basketball. I reckon he's been moved on by his own family

I had random kids having a screaming competition outside my house once. When I asked why they weren’t having the competition on their own road I was told their mum sent then to play in the next street as they were annoying her!

Anything apart from the thud thud of basketball or a screaming completion is normal noise and she does really need accept it

I don’t think anyone can question wanting an afternoon nap. Nanna naps are glorious BUT she is being hugely unreasonable here. Kids making normal kid noises in the day time is just, normal!

3 hour nap in the afternoon ?? I have insomnia and don't need that! Nutter!

I'm also wondering why basketball boy doesn't have his friends over to his house to play with his basketball.

Don’t bake her cakes!! Children playing out during day time is normal! If she wants to nap in the day then that’s her look out! She’s being ridiculous.

@DarkishBlue

Like a lot of others (more people than you imagine) I suffer from tinnitus. This makes it impossible for ear plugs to actually help much in shutting noise out because it isolates the noise inside which is actually worse. Children playing outside creates some comfortable white noise which can mask the tinnitus, which is good. But loud reverberating noises such as screaming or a basketball bouncing on concrete ramps it up several levels where it can remain for a few days before settling down again to a more tolerable level. Obviously this is my problem to deal with. It helps if people can be considerate and play basketball on grass though. And not scream. I wouldn't complain I don't think, but I don't think may people realise how common this problem is as you age.

Have you tried a white noise player? There's a lot on the market aimed at kids but I know a few adults who use them.

@Mamadothehump

Don't buy her earplugs!! This is her problem, not yours!

agree!