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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is makeup a form of catfishing?

265 replies

qwertykeyboards · 27/03/2021 13:11

Okay hear me out. Before I start this thread I just want to say I’m NOT bashing women who wear makeup - I myself love makeup and wear it regularly. I’m just really interested in other peoples opinions.

Lately I’ve just been thinking about whether a full face of makeup could amount to cat fishing of some sort. I myself look completely different when I have a full face of makeup on. In fact when I wear makeup I am constantly catcalled and stared at by men. Whereas when I go out with absolutely nothing on that doesn’t happen as much. Sometimes I even think, “if only you saw me when I woke up this morning!” 😂

I was speaking about this with a couple of my friends who admitted that their boyfriends have yet to see them without makeup! That’s crazy to me! What if the person you’re with ends up totally not into your fresh face and the makeup kind of tricked them into thinking you look like something that in reality took a bunch of makeup and an hour at the mirror to achieve.

Just a thought.

YABU - don’t be so stupid!
YANBU - to an extent makeup can put out a false image

OP posts:

murbblurb · 27/03/2021 14:07

No man would think they didn't look as good without a layer of facepaint. That is what worries me.

Kids wear makeup to look older so yes it does make you look different.

celiafforcandle · 27/03/2021 14:07

@qwertykeyboards Everyone is missing the point
It's probably a stupid point then!

Popcornbetty · 27/03/2021 14:07

Would you group slimming underwear in the same 'fake' category as well as that makes a person look a different shape?

Inthemuckheap · 27/03/2021 14:09

You could say the same thing about beards? Completely changes a man's look.

I wore more make-up when I was younger, rarely bother these days.

longdressed · 27/03/2021 14:10

No, it's obvious when someone is wearing a lot of make up. It's obvious that they'll look different without it on. They're not pretending.

Changemaname1 · 27/03/2021 14:11

@Inthemuckheap absolutely ! I know a guy who looks incredibly hot with a beard . Without - nope !

AdaFuckingShelby · 27/03/2021 14:14

It's funny I was only thinking about this the other day. I saw a woman with badly applied makeup that basically looked like she'd drawn a face on, which i suppose is what we all do to some extent. Got me thinking about the extent to which we are all deceiving ourselves and others. This particular incident was out walking in the countryside (of course, what else are we all doing at the moment). I guess it was out of context, I saw no reason to wear any makeup at all in the middle of a field yes she had a full face on. I suppose I would have been the one who looked out of context had we been in a city street or a pub or somewhere.

Regularsizedrudy · 27/03/2021 14:14

so is dying your hair cat fishing? Shaving your legs?

Popcornbetty · 27/03/2021 14:15

Yes beards make a man look so different and like somebody else entirely on some!

RedLimoncello · 27/03/2021 14:17

I wear make up because I feel much more comfortable with it on. I’m aware this is because I’ve been socially conditioned to believe women’s value lies in how they look. I go make up free with my husband and DC because they love me for me, but I guess I feel the need to put my armour on when facing strangers in the world who judge me (as we all do) at “face” value first.

I feel like a lot of men will say they like a natural make-up free look but what they mean is a naturally beautiful face.

Make-up is just our way of levelling the sexist playing field that ranks women’s worth in terms of their physical attractiveness. I don’t think it’s cat fishing. I think it’s like Sheryl Sandberg (not sure if that’s her name) telling women to “lean in” to get a seat at the table with male CEOs. It’s liberal feminism in a way- working to get ahead in a deeply sexist society. I guess going make-up free is the radical feminist approach (or being lucky enough to be naturally beautiful; or just being secure enough not to give so much of a toss what people think!)

Goldenbear · 27/03/2021 14:18

I think I get your point but it sounds like I am a bit older than you so I have to go on my memories of meeting DH. I would agree to an extent that like a PP said, initially attraction is physical, well it was in my case but my DH liked what I was wearing the night I met him so how far do you take it? I would also say that when I wore the festival, indie nightclub make up in the 90s it was a statement about the tribe we belonged, it was a way of expressing ourselves not about attracting boys. We enjoyed the process of it as much as the outcome as often we help each other with glitter stars around the eyes etc.

ILikeTheWineNotTheLabel · 27/03/2021 14:20

My great granma used to say “What nature does not give, art can provide”.

I think being proficient at make-up, good grooming, dressing well, having some style etc show skill.

So with make-up things like manual dexterity, aesthetic abilities, awareness of trends, insight into what other people find appealing etc. All these things are skills based on aptitude’s that have application in other areas of life.

The ability to acquire and improve a skill is an attractive quality, similar to the way some physical features are attractive. Some of that is about capacit e.g. visual acuity and some of it is about attitude e.g. patience to practice and acquire/hone a skill.

It’s also a question of degree- some people are more skilled than others. That’s both about natural ability and attitude/personality- qualities like persistence.

Things like grooming also say something about someone’s level of self esteem and ability to look after themselves. People who don’t relate well to themselves or care well for themselves can have difficulties extending those things to others in an appropriate way. Like a lot of things in life it’s a balance. How much regard do they show themselves in relation to how much regard they show others?

Think of someone who participates in sport/fitness and it changes/enhances their body shape. They have applied their physical capabilities, personality traits and knowledge consistently in order to achieve a certain state of being (which might be about appearance with potential partners, might be about impressing peers, might be about feeling fit and healthy).

Brainwave89 · 27/03/2021 14:20

Of course not. No more than a man wearing a smart suit on a date is catfishing or when I dye my hair I am catfishing.

RedLimoncello · 27/03/2021 14:21

FWIW I do align myself more with radical feminism- I don’t think that and make-up are mutually exclusive. I’m just musing away over my coffee here. It’s an interesting question to ponder OP.

GhostCurry · 27/03/2021 14:23

“I feel like a lot of men will say they like a natural make-up free look but what they mean is a naturally beautiful face.”

Yup.

partyatthepalace · 27/03/2021 14:24

Well ignoring the catfishing analogy, it’s no more creating a false persona than wearing a well cut suit or wearing a bra, or dying your hair or trimming your beard...

It’s just a conventional way to make yourself look better. And men know v well women look v different without it, same as a man looks very different in a well cut suit vs jeans.

If your friends’ boyfriends have never seen them w-out makeup then I am guessing they are new relationships and you are all quite young. That shut doesn’t last

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2021 14:27

@CounsellorTroi

Some people do look drastically different with a full face of make up, to the extent they are unrecognisable bare faced. I'm not one of them but then again I have only ever worn a little very basic make up. Never contoured or put false eyelashes on or anything.

I've seen this on TV, but not in real life. Would you really walk past someone in the street if they didn't have their makeup on?

TheVolturi · 27/03/2021 14:27

It's not cat fishing or anything of the sort. If you look good with a bit of makeup, chances are you already look good without.
Whilst I know makeup enhances our features, I also think we are brainwashed into thinking we look terrible without. Probably due to the current makeup trends of heavy contouring, thick brows fake lashes etc, makeup is full on at the moment! So without we think we look odd. When in reality, we will probably look back in years to come and think we looked odd wearing so much of it.

partyatthepalace · 27/03/2021 14:27

@GhostCurry

“I feel like a lot of men will say they like a natural make-up free look but what they mean is a naturally beautiful face.”

Yup.

For sure.

Hence no makeup makeup for the rest of us

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2021 14:29

@Regularsizedrudy

so is dying your hair cat fishing? Shaving your legs?

Wearing flattering clothes? The alternative is everyone going out in their underwear looking like they've just got up with hair sticking up so potential suitors know what they'd be getting.

Okbussitout · 27/03/2021 14:29

I think it's a deeply misogynistic way to think about it.

doadeer · 27/03/2021 14:32

Some people really look different with a lot of make up that's true. But still noticeably the same person!

I wore lots more make up when I was younger but by my late 20s I was less fussed. When I had my son two years ago I hardly wore any as I didnt want it to rub off on his face. And now I spend a lot of time looking after my skin so I like the natural look

StrawberrySquash · 27/03/2021 14:33

Cat fishing is far too strong a word, but I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that there is artifice involved. And I think a lot of men would actually be surprised at how much makeup lots of women are wearing. If it's just what you see, it's just how people look.
But this is one of the reasons to be careful in how you form judgements about people. If you see me in gym gear you will have a different impression of who I am from if you see me dressed up for a wedding. But I'm still the same person.

1forAll74 · 27/03/2021 14:34

I am an oldie, 70 plus, and because I am an oldie, I had to look up, what catfishing meant ha ha. I wear makeup.because I like makeup.,all the lovely products, and colours etc.

It has never crossed my mind, that if wearing makeup, you are presenting yourself as a different person, as opposed to being makeup free. Even when I was young, makeup was just nice, and much like what you chose to wear each day. I have never thought how others would see me, and most people know how they will look,either with makeup,or without it.

i don't understand why some women have to wear makeup,to go to bed with their partners, or maybe new lovers, as some men might not notice the makeup, or it will all get smeared off your face after a while,or worst still, the guy might be a rubbish dud in bed.

doadeer · 27/03/2021 14:34

@doadeer

Some people really look different with a lot of make up that's true. But still noticeably the same person!

I should have said... I think it's a process to relearn your face when you are used to seeing it with makeup. You need to learn to see your natural face not as less or unfinished.

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