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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

‘D’H has announced that Covid doesn’t exist.

423 replies

OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 11:05

Name changed for this.

One year since lockdown 1 began and DH has announced that Covid does not exist.

The illness is ‘no different to flu’, he is not having the vaccine because ‘he doesn’t need to’ and if he falls ill with any symptoms listed as Covid he will not be taking a test and will phone in sick with backache or some such nonsense.

AIBU to think WTF?
Apparently he has thought this all along and decided to let us know as he is sick of ‘having his freedom taken away from him’.

What started as a chat about weekly testing ended up with this.

I don’t know what to do with this information. All year (pre. weekly testing /vaccine rollout) he’s just gone along with it all.

So, along with AIBU to think he has lost his mind, WWYD or say in this situation?

OP posts:
MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:01

@PenfoldPenny

"he is sick of ‘having his freedom taken away from him’ "

Yes because obviously those of us who do think Covid is a thing and are doing our best to not pass it on/stick to the rules etc - we are totally tickety boo not bored at all.

Im so bored of seeing covid deniers saying they dont like having their freedom taken away - as if somehow those of us willing to try and make this mess a shorter experience are somehow having a marvellous time and happy about it all.

Ive not left this town in a year.
Ive been nowhere that my feet cannot take me - in a year (no car)
Ive seen almost no one in a year. (family arent local, not many local friends)
Bored bored bored
But........... Im convinced hiding out for now is the best option overall.

He needs a serious reality check.

Again, a classic case of someone thinking that "objecting to the loss of freedom" = "Covid denial".

It's possible to reject the loss of freedom while not denying that Covid exists. Though on MN, everything is just black and white, so it seems.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 27/03/2021 19:04

I saw something ages ago (I think it was Criminal Minds which I know isn’t exactly a scientific journal) where they talked about people who believe in conspiracy theories. It said that people who believe in them are trying to make sense of chaotic uncontrollable events in an irrational way. Take 9/11 it’s incredibly scary to think that it happened, however if you believe it was a government plot then it’s less chaotic and less uncontrolled. I think that COVID deniers are deep down very scared and are using this ‘It’s all a government plot’ rhetoric to try and make sense of this situation.

I’m not trying to justify your husbands stance but that reasoning has always stuck with me and I try to treat conspiracy theorists with a little more pity than anger. Deep down they are not very well.

Jillybons · 27/03/2021 19:06

Okay, firstly I vehemently disagree with him but this has come from somewhere and shutting him down or making him feel like an idiot is not going to help.

Could you ask him how he drew that conclusion and respect that he is allowed his own views (as silly as they might be). Not sure dismissing him altogether would be good for him as he'll just assume ‘the propaganda has got to you’ he may need some serious mental health support Flowers

ineedaholidaynow · 27/03/2021 19:06

But @MonaCorona the OP's DH is denying COVID exists

MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:10

@ineedaholidaynow

But *@MonaCorona* the OP's DH is denying COVID exists
Yes, I know. But what I'm saying is that he might have ended up talking himself into that position as a result of being frustrated by his DW and her slavish adherence to the rules. I did say it was dickish - but sometimes people end up acting like dicks because they are so frustrated. I suspect there is a middle ground here, and neither the OP nor her DH is occupying it.
KFB1978 · 27/03/2021 19:12

@PenfoldPenny You just sound like you have Stockholm Syndrome

Frazzled2207 · 27/03/2021 19:22

Op. I’ve taken part in a vaccine trial. They are def thorough. The reason they have got through the different stages quickly is simply that governments have thrown so much money at it. Usually between each stage of the trials there are months or even years of going round investors. We still don’t know how long the vaccines will last or how the will work with new variants but all the trials tell us that they are SAFE.

KFB1978 · 27/03/2021 19:28

It's still in trial until 2023.

PuzzledObserver · 27/03/2021 19:31

I accept that there is a discussion to be had about the best/least damaging ways to control Covid.

I accept that some people have genuine concerns about the vaccines. I happen to believe that in the vast majority of cases that if they understood risk and statistics, they would see that taking the vaccine is the safer thing to do.

I listened to an episode of How to Vaccinate the World today in which David Spiegelhalter addressed the issue of the strange blood clots in the brain. He ran the numbers - and even if the vaccine is causing these clots (which is not proven), being unvaccinated for one week you are several times more likely to catch Covid and have a serious outcome than having the vaccine and getting this weird clot. And the next week the same, and the week after that....

Most of us aren’t qualified in statistic is and don’t understand risk. I’m not, either, I’ve just chosen who to listen to.

And you can be sick of the restrictions, and still believe (just) that they were necessary, or at least comply with them.

But when you get to “the virus doesn’t exist/is identical to flu”, that is just demonstrably false. It’s not something you get to have an opinion on. So any approach which has that as its premise, I reject out of hand. Along with the vaccine being poison or a means to microchip us all.

KFB1978 · 27/03/2021 19:32

Those with the best understanding of the pharmacology of the vaccine are the least likely to take it - doctors.

www.bmj.com/content/372/bmj.n460

Across all staff, take up was lowest among doctors (57%, 1721 of 3001), and highest among administrative and executive staff (73%, 2537 of 3465) and healthcare scientists (73%, 634 of 871).

OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:33

But what I'm saying is that he might have ended up talking himself into that position as a result of being frustrated by his DW and her slavish adherence to the rules. I did say it was dickish - but sometimes people end up acting like dicks because they are so frustrated. I suspect there is a middle ground here, and neither the OP nor her DH is occupying it.
I love how people like to create a fictional back story to suit their own point of view or opinion!
My ‘slavish adherence to the rules’ is new to me! I have been working throughout and believe me, there has been no bleaching of shopping or post here! 🤣

OP posts:
OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:35

I agree puzzled! We should question everything without a doubt.

OP posts:
OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:40

@Jillybons

Okay, firstly I vehemently disagree with him but this has come from somewhere and shutting him down or making him feel like an idiot is not going to help.

Could you ask him how he drew that conclusion and respect that he is allowed his own views (as silly as they might be). Not sure dismissing him altogether would be good for him as he'll just assume ‘the propaganda has got to you’ he may need some serious mental health support Flowers

I have been very tolerant today. He has been sulking but has answered me when I’ve spoken. My DD mentioned in front of DH that she needed to test tomorrow and I said ‘B hell, don’t mention the tests’ which raised a half smile. I think he’s knackered and a bit down tbh.
OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 27/03/2021 19:41

@KFB1978

It's still in trial until 2023.
I thought it was that the trial participants were still being monitored until 2023, which is subtly different.

However - this is completely normal when a new medication is introduced. No matter how thorough the trials, when you scale up from tens of thousands to millions, and expand the groups to whom it is given, effects may emerge which are not seen until you have millions of people. And, pretty much by definition, those effects will be very rare to have not appeared in the trials.

I took a diabetes drug for 5 years, which was then withdrawn. The wider administration showed that there was a small but real increase in the risk of certain types of heart problem in people taking it long term. And since there were alternatives which didn’t have that risk, it made sense to withdraw it.

With a vaccination against a new pandemic, the balance of risks is very different. Risk from having the vaccine - yes, there is some, but all the data we have so far is telling us it is vanishingly small. I think smaller than the risk of catching Covid and having a severe outcome even in young healthy adults. As I understand it, that is why it has been approved for all adults, not just for over 40’s and CEV, for example.

OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:41

NotExactly
It said that people who believe in them are trying to make sense of chaotic uncontrollable events in an irrational way.

Yes to this!

OP posts:
Lorieandrews · 27/03/2021 19:42

There’s a lady on TikTok that had COVID

She’s literally dying slowly. He lungs were so badly attacked. She can barely breath 1 year on. She can’t move. Barely talk

He needs to watch her. It’s terrifying

PuzzledObserver · 27/03/2021 19:45

@KFB1978

Those with the best understanding of the pharmacology of the vaccine are the least likely to take it - doctors.

www.bmj.com/content/372/bmj.n460

Across all staff, take up was lowest among doctors (57%, 1721 of 3001), and highest among administrative and executive staff (73%, 2537 of 3465) and healthcare scientists (73%, 634 of 871).

Read the rest of the article. This looks like a case of minority ethnic group vaccine hesitancy, rather than doctor vaccine hesitancy.
MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:53

@OutOfLine I accept, obviously, that I don't know the background, and wasn't party to the conversation. All we know from MN is a tiny snapshot of a conversation between the two of you. And you know, when you post on MN, that people will jump to conclusions in their responses. You are obviously willing to take that on the chin, or you wouldn't post here.

So if we accept (rightly) that nobody was there when you had this conversation, and that we are making up fictions - let's still accept that relationships are very, very complex, and we are only hearing one side of the story. This happens to be yours. But your husband might post something completely different.

The issue is in fact much bigger than your marital dispute (which will blow over).

I am not having the vaccine, despite having been offered it. This is partly because I think I had Covid very early on, so it is unnecessary. It is also because I have been out every day since last March, and if I hadn't already had it in January 2020, I am quite sure I would have picked it up since then. It is also because, even if I catch it now, I would rather have proper immunity, not synthetic immunity.

FWIW, I am no stranger to "Long Flu", even though it doesn't deserve a name, because nobody genuflects to flu (and rightly so). Flu, for me, means pneumonia, hospital, ventilators. But I don't expect the world to stop for this.

I think, in short, that your DH is trying in a stupid way to say that there is more to life than Covid.

TroysMammy · 27/03/2021 19:53

I've just found out that my not so DP has refused the vaccination and is spouting all sorts of theories. I've had my 2 doses because of my work and I've told him if he needs to be vaccinated to go to certain places then don't think for one minute that I'll not go without him. He can stay at home taking in all the drivel he's recently found online. I think his cannabis use from years ago has recently kicked in.

MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:54

@OutOfLine

NotExactly It said that people who believe in them are trying to make sense of chaotic uncontrollable events in an irrational way.

Yes to this!

Here, you're picking and choosing the posts which support your view.
OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:55

I responded to yours too Mona and I disagreed with what you said.

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 27/03/2021 19:55

I know five people who have died of this virus.
I understand why people are deniers , but it exists and it's real.

OutOfLine · 27/03/2021 19:58

Mona Just read your latest post I think, in short, that your DH is trying in a stupid way to say that there is more to life than Covid.
I agree with this to! Is that ok?!

OP posts:
MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:58

@OutOfLine

I responded to yours too Mona and I disagreed with what you said.
You are welcome to disagree. But my point was a bit more general, in that you don't seem to accept that any points of view other than yours have any validity. It seems that it's either 'knicker-wetting about the rules' or 'anti-vaxx knobber' - whereas real life is somewhere in between.
MonaCorona · 27/03/2021 19:59

We crossed, @OutOfLine

If that's the case, why are you and your husband at loggerheads over it? Why can't you laugh about your mutually extreme positions? Why can't you meet in the middle?