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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive cyclist encounter

165 replies

UrbanRambler · 26/03/2021 23:37

For background, I'm overweight and do a daily walk, to control my weight and for my mental health (I am prone to depression and anxiety). I walk in my local area (city suburb, mixture of nice and not so nice areas). Over the last year I've increased my walk from 2 miles to 5 miles a day, and this has helped me to lose 1 stone. I'm still a stone overweight, but being tall I carry it reasonable well.

Walking during Covid has become trickier, as the pavements and parks have been busier with more people taking walks, but most people are polite and considerate. All good. I have no issues with pedestrians, but there are a lot more cyclists on the pavements now, and some of them have no consideration for walkers. When they approach from behind, you often can't hear them until they're very close, which can be unnerving.

Today I was walking along a wide pavement (around 8ft) when a cyclist zoomed past me at speed, brushing my shoulder as he went by. He came from behind, and really made me jump, and I muttered "twat" under my breath (it was a reflex action... I wasn't meaning to challenge him, it just came out). Trouble was, he heard it! He stopped a few feet ahead of me, turned around and shouted "Fuck off!" then stood there, glaring at me. He looked about 16 -18, and full of rage. I tried to diffuse things a bit, and calmly said "Well, you were going quite fast, and were too close... some consideration would be nice" then he shouted "Fuck off you c*t!" I was scared, but wasn't going to show it. I said "There's no need for that language... you were going too fast" then he said "Fuck off! Anyway - what do you weigh - about 20 stone?! Fuck off, you c*t!" He then cycled off.

I am rethinking my walking route now, and feel worried about seeing him again. I was quite pleased at my progress, but now I feel shaken and unsure about my walks. The weight comment was just a cheap shot from a stroppy teenager, but he looked me up and down with such contempt that it made me feel absolutely gross. (I don't mean that to be disrespectful to anyone else struggling with their weight, some overweight women are beautiful but I'm rather plain).

I know IWBU and stupid to say that word out loud, and brought trouble on myself - maybe I need to tape my mouth shut in future! But for context, in the southern town where I live, the word "twat" just means "idiot", rather than the ruder meaning that it has in other places.

I can't get this out of my head and feel anxious about it all. I wish there were rear view mirrors for pedestrians... maybe I should just carry a small mirror? AIBU to ask for any suggestions or thoughts about this?

OP posts:
Saz12 · 27/03/2021 10:14

If OP had said “watch out!” rather than “twat” she’d have got the same reaction.
If OP had been a 6ft tall burly man, the cyclist would have taken more care when passing, but if Fictional Burly Man had said “twat” the cyclist wouldn’t have reacted the same way.

People make mistakes - maybe the cyclist didn’t mean to pass so close and so fast, but that doesn’t make him the innocent in this. Even if OP was walking at the edge of a rural 60mph road with no pavement she would STILL be right to think car drivers and cyclists should give her a safe amount of space, and assume that those who didn’t were either (a) crap drivers, or (b) crap human beings.

Arbadacarba · 27/03/2021 10:15

He shouldn't have been on the pavement - he was an abusive knobhead.

Ignore the comment about your weight - some men think the worst insult they can throw at a woman is that she is "fat" - I've heard this said by angry customers over the phone to women they can't even see. Being one stone overweight is barely noticeable, especially on a tall person - what he said was driven by his desire to hurt and had no basis in reality.

Congratulations on losing the first stone and don't let this idiot deter you from the exercise plan that will get you to your target weight.

RiojaRose · 27/03/2021 10:18

He was indeed a twat. I’ve seen lots of similar twats in my area in the last year, cycling too fast on the pavement and nearly knocking people over. I saw an elderly man actually knocked down by a twat cycling on the pavement. And yes, all the twat cyclists were male.

Frankly I’m sick of seeing male aggression everywhere I go.

SwedePea · 27/03/2021 10:25

@Happycat1212

Well tbf you insulted him first Confused
Rightfully. His actions were unacceptable.
Happycat1212 · 27/03/2021 10:36

That’s fine but don’t insult people if you don’t want to be insulted back which he rightfully did. Smile

LimaFoxtrotCharlie · 27/03/2021 10:40

Oh and when are they going to start paying road tax and taking tests like drivers have to?

I’m a cyclist. I also drive a car and so I have taken a driving test and I pay VED on my car. VED wouldn’t apply to my bike, as it has zero emissions

UltraVioletRays · 27/03/2021 10:42

Aggressive male cyclists are unfortunately common. He's a dick.

icheatatscrabble · 27/03/2021 10:44

I'm a cyclist and was passed too close and too fast yesterday by a twat in a van. I pulled up next to him at the lights and decided not to tell him he was a twat because I would have got a load of aggro back.

There are twatty cyclists, pedestrians, drivers everywhere who are aggressive and spoiling for a fight. The only way is to ignore them.

UltraVioletRays · 27/03/2021 10:46

There are twatty cyclists, pedestrians, drivers everywhere who are aggressive and spoiling for a fight. The only way is to ignore them.

I wonder how many women feel this way because the aggressive folk spoiling for fights are men.

Happycat1212 · 27/03/2021 10:48

Oh please why do people make out like women don’t do it as well, I’ve had nasty women being aggressive in public.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/03/2021 10:53

@Happycat1212

That’s fine but don’t insult people if you don’t want to be insulted back which he rightfully did. Smile
You really think an involuntary exclamation which he wasn't even meant to hear remotely justifies the sort of vile abuse he then deliberately applied? 'Rightfully did Smile' my arse

He behaved like a twat, she rightfully called him a twat. SmileSmileSmileSmile HmmHmm

Naunet · 27/03/2021 10:54

That’s fine but don’t insult people if you don’t want to be insulted back which he rightfully did

That’s fine, but don’t cycle too close to pedestrians on the pavement if you don’t want to be insulted. 🤷‍♂️

I had this from an angry man before. I was standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road, on my phone. Angry man clearly thought I wasn’t paying attention and worked himself up over it. Zoomed close to me as I started crossing the road in front of him, screamed at me to watch where I was going. Never mind that the green man was showing for me to cross and it was a red light for him. He was so focused on his anger at me, it was him who wasn’t paying attention to the lights. I called him much worse than a twat.

TrojaninTroy · 27/03/2021 10:54

I don't blame you for calling out 'Twat' - he deserved it and was clearly in the wrong for using the pavement in the first place. But I don't think the fact that this was a cyclist was really the issue. His response indicates that he was full of aggression and probably using his bike in order to set up a confrontation so that he could, at some point, yell 'Fuck off!' at some defenceless person with full vent.

Sadly, such people are everywhere these days, and the best thing to do is to not rise to it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing of course, but you probably won't come across him again, so don't let this one incident make you change your walking route.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/03/2021 10:55

@Happycat1212

Oh please why do people make out like women don’t do it as well, I’ve had nasty women being aggressive in public.
Yes of course, of course, women do it to, NAMALT, etc etc ad nauseam. But in what proportions, honestly?
Happycat1212 · 27/03/2021 10:55

I don’t believe for one second it was quiet, it doesn’t add up, if he zoomed past then there is no way she said it quietly. She shouted it and got a
Mouthful back.

Skyliner001 · 27/03/2021 10:56

You are amazing, and he has no right to say what he said, he was in the wrong. But please don't give up, don't change your route, and don't give up your walking, he was entirely in the wrong 💐

BlackeyedSusan · 27/03/2021 10:59

This kid is a teen. Some of them specialise in the look of contempt that can melt paint and the horrendously twatty motor mouth and the I can do no wrong attitude where everyone else is responsible for their twatty behaviour. It's tedious. It's a phase some of them go through despite best efforts of parents and teachers. Take no notice of them. I've seen it at the secondary school gate, (had to collect disabled child) and ermm, shall we just say, elsewhere, (ahem)

Try to look at them as a kid going through the twattish phase as this will help you to realise their opinion is of no consequence at all.

Do you have a teen? Some of them can be vile.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/03/2021 11:00

Not excusing what they said as it is wrong, but it may help you to think of them as just a twatty kid.

murbblurb · 27/03/2021 11:04

teenage thug. Lot of them about. The fact he was on a bike does not make all cyclists thugs.

women can be nasty too. Don't give this brat any more headspace.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/03/2021 11:05

A kid in possession of too much testosterone and an undeveloped brain.

theotherfossilsister · 27/03/2021 11:05

I'm disabled and have an exaggerated freeze reflex (for which I have a stick so I don't fall over.) I used to walk everywhere and am trying hard to do so again but really scared by the amount of cyclists on the pavement in my city, especially electric bikes and bikes going really fast. If they cycle towards you I feel the onus is on you, the pedestrian to jump out of the way, but if anything unexpected comes at me at speed, I will freeze. This is why I only cross roads on the green man, because freezing on a road is never a good plan.

I did actually report three cyclists, going abreast on electric bikes and yelling at me (pedestrian with stick) to get out of their way before verbally abusing me for my freeze response and walking stick,to the police. They said no crime had been committed.

I know lots of lovely responsive cyclists but there are also the ones who terrify me. I don't know the answer? Maybe a cycling license so the responsible cyclists who are great and really helping the environment are not persecuted under the same umbrella as electric bike twats on pavement.

Spidey66 · 27/03/2021 11:09

He was a twat. He shouldn't have been cycling on the pavement.

I cycle to work (when the weather and daylight hours allow it, so from this time of year till about October.) My route does go through parks, so some shared spaces. However when I do use footpaths in parks, I'm always aware that pedestrians have priority. Parks and shared spaces are not risk free for cyclists. I'm always alert that pedestrians may have headphones on so don't hear my bell, or that children, balls and dogs may get in my way. As a result I cycle far slower in shared spaces.

I've often said 'wanker" or "prick" under my breath when annoyed by other members of the public. Its a way of releasing anger, but I don't actually want to fight them.

Nihonko · 27/03/2021 12:26

Sorry you experienced this OP but don't read into it too much. The cyclist was clearly a twat and you did nothing wrong. Please don't stop using the same route because of one twat.

Wimpeyspread · 27/03/2021 12:32

Sounds like he was a rude obnoxious teenager who reacted badly to being criticised. However, it would help you to be aware whether the pavement you are on is shared use or not - there will be signs. Then you are less likely to be surprised. If it’s not shared use, no one should be cycling on it

LuaDipa · 27/03/2021 13:03

@LegoPirateMonkey

I got yelled at by a teenage boy on a bike too - it was dark, I was walking downhill on a pavement that is absolutely NOT dual use next to a 40mph road and I had headphones in so if he rang his bell I didn’t hear him. He was absolutely furious with me for not stepping out of his way as he was belting down the pavement and zoomed right past me. He jammed on his brakes when he’d passed me to hurl abuse at me but couldn’t be bothered to stop before and slow down?? He was all in black, no lights, no helmet so I guess decided he had the right to cycle at high speed along a narrow pavement as he couldn’t be arsed to make himself safe to cycle on the road. And shouted at a pedestrian using the pavement legally. I get really shaken up by this kind of encounter and seek to blame myself and my own stupidity in any way I can but sometimes other people really are twats and are in the wrong and why are we agonising over our own behaviour when they will have forgotten about it seconds later and won’t think twice before ruining someone else’s day, endangering others and being a selfish and aggressive dickhead? Try to let it go. Easier said than done I know!
Exactly this. I see many cyclists when running or walking, and the vast majority are considerate and aware of others. There is an odd one who will pass to closely but I usually just ignore or wonder if I should be more over to the side etc because for some reason it’s easier to blame yourself than assume that a complete stranger is a twat. Op you did nothing wrong and you really shouldn’t let this idiot derail your amazing progress. I very much doubt you will see him again, try and move on.