Hi, long time lurker here.
I need help and apologised for the length of my request.
So for context, I really enjoyed my job pre-baby and due to that company going into administration and PT hours being unusual in that sector I haven’t been able to return.
I lost a few PT jobs thanks to covid and then for months I gave up looking and relied on OH which he wanted all a long but I struggled without money to myself.
When Covid began to quieten in the summer I found a PT job WFH in a sector I wasn’t keen on but it best paid for the hours I’d be doing so took it to get some financial independence back.
After 5 months, I HATED IT, felt SO miserable and expressed this to OH.
It was difficult to keep motivated and WFH with our DC at home.
I was also struggling for money, after paying half of the rent I had hardly anything which had to be given to my personal outgoings.
So OH was covering majority of bills and food shop.
In what now must of only been a passing comment OH said do what you need to do, go FT, put DC in nursery if that will makes things better for you we will sort it.
This was music to my ears, and I admit perhaps I did things too quickly but I was excited to get into what I enjoy and have more money to contribute to household and myself.
Applied for a job in the sector I enjoy, checked a nursery and started the enrolment process once I knew I got the job.
OH was involved and made aware at every step yet leading up to starting the job and during my first week, we cannot see eye to eye.
I completed my first week today and have loved it so much, not even the job but just going in and being me.
We’ve argued about it again tonight.
OH wants to save for a mortgage which he decided in December and said this is a family goal.
He is upset because I’m causing this goal to get further away mainly due to Nursery Fees which must mean we have different goals.
He says even if I contribute to half the bills, him going half on Nursery wipes it out.
He brings up safety around Covid because he has underlying health issue but it only comes up when it suits him.
He said he told me so about the house not being as tidy as it used to be but doesn’t help keep it tidy because he has no time yet it’s okay that I juggle everything.
He tells me it’s hard for him to adjust because my goals change too much.
He says I’m selfish for all of this because I’ve only thought about myself and not considered how this affects anyone else.
He’s also annoyed that due to DC picking up illness from Nursery taster, we’ve all been ill this week.
I keep reminding him it won’t be like this forever.
Then a few days later he’ll say how proud he is of me and we’ll work through it until we argue again.
I’d also like to mention that DC is a toddler, only goes to Nursery twice a week and absolutely loves it.
AIBU and instead stay at home until we have a mortgage?
I really understand where he’s coming from on some parts but it’s hard to work around his every changing thought and I don’t want my mental health to suffer while I wait for him to say we’ve got enough to move out.
Please help with either helping me understand his POV or making me feel less selfish and more sane lol.