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Original poster

Shall I take my daughter out of school for this

111 replies

friesandchais · 25/03/2021 20:35

Hi,
My dd is 14 and year 10, up
Until year 9 there were no problems at school, but in year 10 a girls who had previously left the school re joined again and started trouble. My dd was quite popular and had a good circle of friends and this girls took my dds best friend aside and started making up
Lies that my dd had been talking about her abs spreading rumours, which resulted in them falling out, dd was very upset. It didn't stop there, the 2 girls then went around yelling other people and they started ganging up on her. One day after school those girls were chasing her to say they were going to beat her up and luckily I got there in time and got in her in the car... she was terrified and shaking, next day I went in to speak the the head of year abs they then arranged a meeting with me and my dd and the other girl and her mum, abs we basically long story short managed to sort it out and the girls mum
Promises it wouldn't happen again.
Now after lockdown the other girls has taken the other best friend of my dd abs basically done the same in spreading rumours, for a few weeks my dd has been saying no one talks to her abs they all laughs at her and whisper about her, she's very upset, today the teacher forced them
To sort it out and then later at lunch the girls came over to her while my dd was eating and stayed shouting saying why are you talking about me to others, my daughter denied it but didn't get up to avoid confrontation the girl started throwing food at dd she still isn't get up. Teacher then took them out and out my dd in isolation and told her off and said she should have moved away but the other girls didn't get isolated. Ss called my crying frantically to come take her and she never wants to go to the school again.

I've made an appointment to see the head tomorrow. Dd has always been very very good and her study but recently her grades have dropped, she's now insisting she wants to leave the school. I can't bear to see her like this but I'm also worried about moving her in year 10 after already basically missing a yet due to lockdown, and what if she can't get her chosen subjects in another schools? Does anyone have any advice on how it works if I move her now? Should I move her ?

Sorry that was a long post

OP posts:
bewilderedhedgehog · 25/03/2021 20:40

Yes this is awful bullying and I am so sorry. I would help her leave. I would also make a formal complaint about the school, but that won't help your daughter in the short term. It may be necessary to change a subject but in Year 10 that should be possible. Do you have another school in mind?

Letshavesometea · 25/03/2021 20:40

If she is getting bullied and the school aren't trying to tackle it, and she wants to move, then yes I would move her.

Original poster
friesandchais · 25/03/2021 20:44

@bewilderedhedgehog it's awful and she's a very strong person but this has completely shattered her, she saying she can never trust anyone again to make friends 😫 I don't have a school in mind, but I'll have a ring around tomorrow and see if there's a place somewhere. Do you think changing subjects now won't make it harder for her to pass her GCSEs ? I also have a younger dd in year 7 at the same school, she's happy there but do you suggest I move her to?
Do I make the formal complaint to ofsted ?

@Letshavesometea yes I will change her school thansk

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 25/03/2021 20:50

I suspect that the PP haven't got children you daughter's age, but you can't move her now without affecting her academically.
GCSEs are not taught linearly, different schools have different exam boards and teach the syllabus at different times, you will not be able to move her without some impact on her GCSE grades.

You need to make this absolutely clear to the head tomorrow.

Original poster
friesandchais · 25/03/2021 20:56

@underneaththeash this is my absolute biggest fear, due to this stress her grades have dropped already, bus she herself is saying she can't study in this stress.
I definitely will make it clear to the head, I'm so stressed myself, I can see how it's affected her the last few months but I don't want her to miss out on her education as lockdown has done so
Much damage already

OP posts:
Letshavesometea · 25/03/2021 20:58

I do have a child of a similar age. But as the OP has said her grades have already dropped dramatically and her daughter is deeply unhappy, it's definitely worth considering it as it still might be the better option if the school aren't going to deal with the bullying. Though to be fair we are in Scotland so our education system is different.

Becles · 25/03/2021 20:58

Let the school know that you will escalate to the police if they don't address the attempted assault you interrupted.

Original poster
friesandchais · 25/03/2021 21:01

@Letshavesometea thank you I'm not sure how it works in Scotland but I'm sure it's similar.

@Becles I'm
Definitely going to say this tomorrow, they really need to sort this out

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 25/03/2021 21:06

@Becles

Let the school know that you will escalate to the police if they don't address the attempted assault you interrupted.
^^ this. Bullying is horrendous. I don’t understand why parents are happy to let their children bully others.
NiceTwin · 25/03/2021 21:06

I would try and get it sorted with school, moving would be a last resort.

AliceAliceWhoTheFook · 25/03/2021 21:08

I have no experience of GSCE years, but I also think you should move her if it's at all possible.

She will suffer poor grades anyway of this bullying is kept up.

Escalate at school. Make an appointment, and don't leave until it is sorted.

Then make plans to move her (as a back up). Don't let this go on too long though and if school don't do anything to help.

FontyMcFontface · 25/03/2021 21:11

Mental health is worth far more than grades. It’s far easier to retake a gcse than to rebuild shattered self esteem.

She will do best if she’s happy. And there are more important things in life. I would move her. Yes, I do have a teenage dc. Nothing’s worth sacrificing the mental health for.

Tiktokersmiracle · 25/03/2021 21:14

I would escalate to the governor's via formal complaint. It's bad enough the girls bullying her, it's inexcusable that a teacher isolated her when she did nothing wrong. And to say it was because she should have moved? All that moron has done is show these bullies they can do as they please and get away with it.
I would expect a formal investigation into the actions of the teacher. I would also ask who their police liaison is so they can be involved. I would be demanding a period of exclusion for the ringleader as this is now continuing.

Shergill15 · 25/03/2021 21:35

@FontyMcFontface

Mental health is worth far more than grades. It’s far easier to retake a gcse than to rebuild shattered self esteem.

She will do best if she’s happy. And there are more important things in life. I would move her. Yes, I do have a teenage dc. Nothing’s worth sacrificing the mental health for.

This.
NamechangedGamechanged12 · 25/03/2021 21:42

I could have written this myself OP. Help her move schools. I have tried and tried for 4 years. The school don’t help. The bullying continued. My daughters mental health was being compromised. She was age 14 and crying because she didn’t want to go to school. Let her move schools.

raincamepouringdown · 25/03/2021 21:45

She's being bullied and the school is protecting the bullies by the sound of it.

I would kick off with a paper trail all the way up while I look for a new school for her.

I'm sorry, OP.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 25/03/2021 21:50

Absolutely agree with Fonty. Bullying has horrific consequences for the victim and usually none for the bully. It is absolutely horrendous and can have long lasting effects well into adulthood. Your daughter cannot end up feeling trapped in that school, with no friends, being actively targeted and bullied, with the bullies knowing she and you tried to do something about it but the school did nothing, and do well in her GCSEs. Do not put her through that.

Hankunamatata · 25/03/2021 21:55

Escalate escalate escalate. Tell them.you want the head there too. If dad is in picture I'd take him too. Get schools bullying policy - ask them for a copy if not on website

Thehawki · 25/03/2021 21:59

Look for a new school. I actually think the lasting effects of bullying are worse than her not doing amazing in GCSEs. Most things can be brought back with good a level results. Who is to say she won’t do well otherwise? I bet she’ll do even better in a new school where she isn’t being bullied.

She will be helped through her whole life by you not putting her through the bullying. The GCSEs can be brought back and redone if desperate. It sounds like it won’t be desperate, and she sounds like a lovely intelligent girl who will do well somewhere away from the cruelty.

Lampzade · 25/03/2021 22:01

Please Op, just move schools

Lampzade · 25/03/2021 22:05

Definitely put in a complaint .
The ringleader will definitely behave like this in the future, so it will be useful to have the complaint on record

DinoHat · 25/03/2021 22:14

OP I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this. I had a very similar experience at school, but it started in year 6. My parents didn’t move because I only had a year left at the school but I endured another 7 years of being harassed by the bullies as we moved to secondary school. I wish they’d just moved me and asked my opinion. What does your daughter want to do? This is really important.

GoodMumBadMum · 25/03/2021 22:22

I think it would be wise to explore alternative school options for your daughter. Get as much information as possible and then discuss the options with your daughter.

Original poster
friesandchais · 25/03/2021 22:23

Thank you everyone, me and dh have made the decision to definitely move her school, it's an awful situation. I'll definitely be escalating this, the ringleader as it is has been involved in lots of other things like this too recently so I'm
Not sure what the heck the school are doing.

Hopefully she'll be fine with her exams and if not it's not the end of the world she can repeat them.

I have a younger dd In year 7 there too who has settled well and is happy, would you think I should move her too? Or Leave her be?
Thanks so much everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
friesandchais · 25/03/2021 22:25

When she's saying herself she wants to move I can't possibly leave her there stuck
With these awful people, I'm very disappointed with the school.

OP posts:
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