Shall I take my daughter out of school for this

[friesandchais]

Hi,
My dd is 14 and year 10, up
Until year 9 there were no problems at school, but in year 10 a girls who had previously left the school re joined again and started trouble. My dd was quite popular and had a good circle of friends and this girls took my dds best friend aside and started making up
Lies that my dd had been talking about her abs spreading rumours, which resulted in them falling out, dd was very upset. It didn't stop there, the 2 girls then went around yelling other people and they started ganging up on her. One day after school those girls were chasing her to say they were going to beat her up and luckily I got there in time and got in her in the car... she was terrified and shaking, next day I went in to speak the the head of year abs they then arranged a meeting with me and my dd and the other girl and her mum, abs we basically long story short managed to sort it out and the girls mum
Promises it wouldn't happen again.
Now after lockdown the other girls has taken the other best friend of my dd abs basically done the same in spreading rumours, for a few weeks my dd has been saying no one talks to her abs they all laughs at her and whisper about her, she's very upset, today the teacher forced them
To sort it out and then later at lunch the girls came over to her while my dd was eating and stayed shouting saying why are you talking about me to others, my daughter denied it but didn't get up to avoid confrontation the girl started throwing food at dd she still isn't get up. Teacher then took them out and out my dd in isolation and told her off and said she should have moved away but the other girls didn't get isolated. Ss called my crying frantically to come take her and she never wants to go to the school again.

I've made an appointment to see the head tomorrow. Dd has always been very very good and her study but recently her grades have dropped, she's now insisting she wants to leave the school. I can't bear to see her like this but I'm also worried about moving her in year 10 after already basically missing a yet due to lockdown, and what if she can't get her chosen subjects in another schools? Does anyone have any advice on how it works if I move her now? Should I move her ?

Sorry that was a long post

*social media

Hope you're meeting goes well this morning and you get some answers. I definitely believe you are doing the right thing.

If you can't get her into year 10 at a local school try local colleges, I know our local college offers GCSEs to home ed DC, some of it is online and probably most of it at the moment, but it#s at least something and she'd like be able to carry on the GCSEs she's started.

I’m assuming year 10 is the same as 3rd year? I moved school in this year and still managed to pass all my exams. Your daughter will be fine to move. She is obviously strong as she has stood up for herself in the face of vile nasty little bitches. Girls are awful. I was bullied as well by my ‘friends’. Tell her to keep her chin up. She will be fine. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

Hope your meeting goes OK OP. Good decision to move her.

I'm glad you're not making her go back.

I'd definitely see about starting at a new school as a Y9 now or Y10 in Sept (home school until they break up).

I'd move the youngest into DD1's new school for Y8 (unless she's happy to move now too) & explain to her that you don't rate the school & don't want to wait until there's a problem to move her.

No way would I leave DD2 there when the school is so crap! Whether she wants to move or not. As a parent you sometimes have to be out of favour to do what's best for them. This is one of those times IMO anyway.

@friesandchais I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. You sound like an amazing Mum and you must do what's best for your daughter

Hi all, so
I had a meeting with the head, he wrote down everything we said and said he will investigate anad speak to lemon Wednesday, he said he's sorry she's had to go through this but I should take school moving lightly although he will support us. He ask asked my daughter if he moves her faculty house and all her lessons moved so she doesn't see those people in her lessons would that help as he can do that. He has asked me to think about it but my daughter is adamant she doesn't want to go there anymore. Alternatively he has asked me to come up with 5 schools which I would consider to move dd to and he can speak to the schools and hopefully get her a place in one of them. He's offered her counselling too. He's also give her authorised leave until end of term and she can do all her online classes until then. He was better than I expected to be honest much better than the head of year and deputy head. We spent and hour and half with him. He will get Bach to me on Wednesday with answers, and I hve to email by Monday morning with the lists of schools in interested in. Dd is still adamant she won't go back as everyone will be talking about it.

@friesandchais But have they said they will deal with the girl in question? What makes my piss boil is that they always try and come up with another solution that generally doesn't involve getting rid of the other child or at least severely punishing them. At the end of the day even if they move her classes within the school, the girl will still find a way of getting to her. I tell you now it wont get better for her. I definitely think you should stick to your guns and get her out, especially if she's adamant she wants to leave, poor gal. I really hope you get her sorted OP. Good luck. Xx

@MyGrassIsBrowner well I demanded they get punished and they dea with the teacher too. Ans he has said he will get to the bottom of what's been going and then decide what steps they need to take for the other girls and let me know. But I will be living my daughter anyways as she's not happy, I just need to have a think of schools over the weekend

@friesandchais You're doing the right thing but my guess is that unless they keep that girl in isolation for the forseeable (which obv wont happen) she will still try and get at your daughter regardless. She sounds like a right nasty piece of work.
Dont panic on the changing of schools front, as others have said she can be home schooled for a while until you find the right school for her. I wish you all the best OP. X

@MyGrassIsBrowner thank you 😊

I was horrifically bullied at secondary school, to the point that I refused to go. Thankfully as it sounds like you are planning on doing, my parents moved me to another school & I will forever be grateful. It’s the best thing they ever did for me. I honestly don’t think I would’ve survived another few years there. Your daughter will be so much more happy. I do recommend that you still put in a formal complaint. It’s 15 years later for me and I still sometimes think about how unfair it was that my bullies had no consequences for their actions. Good luck OP, I really hope things get better for your daughter. Be strong. She will be fine with parents like you who are supporting her.

I think that the lockdown provides a good opportunity for moving schools as the pre-existing friendship dynamics are looser with all the time out of school.

I think you are a fantastic advocate for your daughter OP well done for tackling it. I hope you can find a better school where she will flourish

I would move her TBH. Also maybe call some of the Schools yourself .Dont rely on the Head solely .If your younger DD is happy there ,no need to move her ATM.Sometimes one or two year groups have horrendous bullying and others seem to have a nice mix of children .Hope all goes well for you .We had a similar situation as well .Very stressful at that time .

@simonisnotme thank you that's means a lot.

@dottiedodah I've just spent the whole afternoon calling around schools, although unfortunately none has spaces. Schools in my area are usually oversubscribed.

@FontyMcFontface

Mental health is worth far more than grades. It’s far easier to retake a gcse than to rebuild shattered self esteem.

She will do best if she’s happy. And there are more important things in life. I would move her. Yes, I do have a teenage dc. Nothing’s worth sacrificing the mental health for.

I absolutely 100% agree with that.

I suspect that the PP haven't got children you daughter's age, but you can't move her now without affecting her academically

Nonsense. You can't leave her where she is without it affecting her academically. Kids move schools in any year and can be fine.

This is truly as shocking. I really hope you get a place for her

Have you considered My Online Schooling. It has been amazing for my daughter. There is another one called InterHigh. They are so good with accommodating difficult situations. There is a cost though.

[quote friesandchais]@simonisnotme thank you that's means a lot.

@dottiedodah I've just spent the whole afternoon calling around schools, although unfortunately none has spaces. Schools in my area are usually oversubscribed.[/quote]
If you know anything about the schools you have contacted and like them, then give the names to the headteacher. He may be able to help you get a place in a school that is classed as full.

This happened to a friend of mines daughter and she moved her daughter out of school immediately (into one requiring improvement) and the change in her daughter was nothing short of incredible to watch - she literally blossomed overnight. What your daughter has learned is how she feels matters, that you are listening to her and protecting her. That will be a wonderful feeling for her when she is feeling so bruised by this hideous experience. Please also make sure you persue a formal complaint...the protangists of this bullying campagin will surely find another target and should be held accountable for their actions.

Does the school have to have a place? It sounded to me like the head thought he could pull some strings... though I don’t know if that’s how he put it across to you. Could you call him now to clarify?

If you are in the state system the head will not be able to get her a place in a full school, you will have to go through the process of applying with the Local Authority.