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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughters carer refused covid vaccine

267 replies

Nevic84 · 25/03/2021 20:20

My daughter 6 has multiple health needs mainly a tracheostomy but also a weakened immune system and minor heart defect.
She’s a happy and otherwise healthy child.
But she’s classed as clinically extremely vulnerable.
She has 1:1 carers as her condition is life threatening.
Her main carer has refused covid vaccine.
Not for any religious or health reasons she doesn’t want to be bullied into having it and if she gets it she’ll get it when she wants and not before (her words)
In her personal life she’s not following covid restrictions and having people over her house and going into other peoples house and visiting public places a lot only wearing mask when mandatory.
What’s peoples opinions and how would they deal with it?
Aibu to think if you work in care you would care enough to want to protect those who couldn’t be protected?
I worry about my daughter everyday I feel scared for her.
As an employer I can’t force her to have it.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 25/03/2021 21:56

I'd fire her immediately, no matter how long she's been coming - even if she took it to court, that's easily 2 years in the future and quite frankly, that's 2 years in which she isn't endangering your daughter's life and laws and legal precedent may very well find in your favour by then, especially when they're already talking about requirements for work, travel and socialising.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 25/03/2021 22:02

She is compromising your daughters health and safety. If any other employee did that they would be fired.

Get rid.

DaisyDreaming · 25/03/2021 22:03

I would say about finding another carer but I know carers you can trust with such a complex child and who your child will really like aren’t easy to come by. Such a difficult situation and I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to add some support

DaisyDreaming · 25/03/2021 22:05

@bp300 the problem is there aren’t any stats for vulnerable children. Kids on a whole are low risk but that’s no comfort to those with complex kids who end up in picu with covid or suffering the effects months and months later. There’s just no data on vulnerable kids, no plan for how to help them out of shielding or anything. They seem to of been forgotten and just swept up with the ‘kids are low risk’ thing

SnoozyBoozy · 25/03/2021 22:09

I'm a bit confused why her not having the vaccine is a problem for you now, but from what you've said, she's been visiting all and sundry for months which is at least equally as bad, and you've been happy to have her around your child, despite her lack of rule following?

Akire · 25/03/2021 22:15

They were discussing this on the radio tonight. Someone was arguing that care workers who have had it should be able charge more!! Like care isn’t very expensive already. Do you want pay £22 an hour to get out of bed in the morning? Sadly if many carers don’t get it then those who have could get away with having the “perk” on their C V.

May17th · 25/03/2021 22:15

Is this post real?

So your worried about the career not following guidelines but you employ her? Despite knowing she has people at her house and so on

Spudbyanyothername · 25/03/2021 22:16

I’d find another carer

Akire · 25/03/2021 22:16

Give OP a break it’s never easy to find good carers. It takes time train up and get used to them. Not as simply as just sack someone when you have a job that needs doing.

faw2009 · 25/03/2021 22:21

In the meantime, get a load of lateral flow tests from gov. website and test her everyday. Not perfect but better than nothing.

Voice0fReason · 25/03/2021 22:23

She isn't taking her job very seriously.
My carer has been vaccinated. She wouldn't be coming into my house if she hadn't.

Original poster

Nevic84 · 25/03/2021 22:26

This carer has been with us for years and my daughter has built up such a bond, anyone who’s had dealings with trachs will know how extremely difficult it is with training etc.
All is great till covid and more recently vaccine happened.
I guess a lot of people are seeing different sides to people that we never thought.
I’ve spent years and thousands of interviews for carers and still only a handful that are suitable.
I stuck between a rock and a very hard place that I don’t want to be.
I wish it would become mandatory.
I know I need a backbone
She wears an 11r mask on shift at all times which is needed for insurance purposes.

OP posts:

Sushirolls · 25/03/2021 22:26

@SnoozyBoozy

This ^^ why is it only a problem now she won't have the vaccine?

Has she actually told you she's doing this? Or is it what you think she's doing?

Regarding the vaccine, her body, her choice. She can still catch and pass on the virus, after having it. She will just be less symptomatic, which to me is more dangerous, as she won't necessarily realise she is sick.

Good care is hard to come by, you may be shooting yourself in the foot if it's only due to her not wanting the vaccs.

Timeisavirtue · 25/03/2021 22:33

It’s okay she doesn’t want it but surely in her job she is going to get some backlash. She shouldn’t be caring for your daughter if she doesn’t want to follow the rules. If I were you I would request a new carer.

DareIask · 25/03/2021 22:38

A difficult situation for you OP, I know how hard it is to recruit carers and the importance of consistency for your daughter.

However her behaviour in her personal life and her reluctance to safeguard your daughter as best as she can worries me. If she doesn't think the rules apply to her, or she knows better, how can you trust her to implement her training accurately? I assume she's done some competency based training to care for your daughter, and she should be following that to the letter. Is she when you're not there?

I'd talk to her about your worries, and if she doesn't have it for any reason other than bloody mindedness I'd stop her caring for your daughter.

PuzzledObserver · 25/03/2021 22:53

She can still catch and pass on the virus, after having it.

But the emerging evidence is that she is only 1/3 as likely to as someone who has not been vaccinated. This is no longer news, it was widely publicised quite a few weeks ago. OP is entirely correct that an unvaccinated carer presents an avoidable risk to her daughter.

CovidCorvid · 25/03/2021 22:58

Have you to,d her that you think she’s putting your daughter’s life at risk? I’d be begging her to reconsider. Problem is she could always fib and say she’s had it....are you going to ask to see her card?

ceilingsand · 25/03/2021 23:03

Get a new carer. Your child deserves it.

ceilingsand · 25/03/2021 23:05

Also, who will protect your child from unnecessary Covid if not you?

GroggyLegs · 25/03/2021 23:08

I think it's easy for me as a parent to a child without complex needs to shout 'get rid!' but it must be awful if your child has found someone they like & you can usually trust.

If you don't want to get rid of her, can you start using some powers of persuasion?

Drop in a story about someone her age who's been so, so ill from long covid etc, it's so sad. So ill, unable to work etc.

Isnt she worried that she won't be able to travel if the vaccine stocks dry up? Gosh, anyone who wants a holiday in the next 12 months must be itching to get their jab etc etc. Where are you hoping to go this summer, etc.

Have a think - make it all about the gains for her.
It's worth a try.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/03/2021 23:21

If she is not following guidelines and refuses to get a vaccine, just fire her. Your DD's health is more important than a simpleton's.

Nanny0gg · 25/03/2021 23:43

@Nevic84

This carer has been with us for years and my daughter has built up such a bond, anyone who’s had dealings with trachs will know how extremely difficult it is with training etc. All is great till covid and more recently vaccine happened. I guess a lot of people are seeing different sides to people that we never thought. I’ve spent years and thousands of interviews for carers and still only a handful that are suitable. I stuck between a rock and a very hard place that I don’t want to be. I wish it would become mandatory. I know I need a backbone She wears an 11r mask on shift at all times which is needed for insurance purposes.

Would she change her mind if you pointed out how vulnerable her behaviour leaves your daughter?

How much does she like/need the job?

lanthanum · 25/03/2021 23:57

I don't know the legalities of sacking someone for not being vaccinated (last I heard, nor did the government), but if she's been breaking covid lockdown rules would that be grounds?

How would she actually feel if she gave your daughter covid and the worst happened? Most people couldn't live comfortably with the very idea of that, let alone live comfortably with themselves if it did happen.

XenoBitch · 26/03/2021 00:11

So this carer has been tending to your daughter throughout the pandemic and you want to sack her now? Sorry if I am confused. How is the carer suddenly at risk to your daughter now the vaccine is available, when she has been caring for your daughter all along already?

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2021 00:13

In her personal life she’s not following covid restrictions and having people over her house and going into other peoples house and visiting public places a lot only wearing mask when mandatory.

But how do you know this?

And also as others have asked, why is it the vaccine that's a problem?

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