What does your Dcat do to drive you insane ( light hearted)

[Frickssake]

So far mine has, stood on the mat looking at me, then looking at the door. I've opened the door , cat looked at me as if I was mad and trotted to his basket! Stood by his food and looked at me, miawed, then started eating. As soon as I leave the room, he stops eating and walks back to the bloody door!

He maintains eye contact whilst ripping off the edges of the kitchen cupboard kick boards. This is to say "I wish you to remove the kickboard" however if I do so, he will then remember that he no longer fits under there and will look at me as if I am mad.

He will march into the living room and howl at the telly. This is to say "I wish you to play my mouse and bird playlist on the telly" however since he knocked the telly off the stand whilst attacking a tv mouse he is no longer allowed to watch the telly.

He will scratch and howl at the armchair in the kitchen. This is to say "move the chair so I can catch my mouse" however the mouse in question was under the chair about 3 weeks ago and is no longer with us.

He will scratch and howl at the sofa in the living room. This is to say "I'm hungry, I'm starving, feed me or I'll die" however he is not hungry, he is not starving, every word's a lie as he has half a pouch out already. He just doesn't see the point in walking past the living room and onto the kitchen if he hasn't got a human with him on the off chance the food bowl is empty and he has to come back and get a human. It's time-saving, for him.

He jumps onto the table when I have my morning cuppa and the tea spills all over it. Every time.

My Mum's cat always farts in my face. Lovely.

He’s a plastic-eating miniature gargoyle who likes to sit at the top of the stairs and swat people as they go by.

Cute until you get batted while carrying a full load of washing.

Sits on the bed and claws at my butt while I'm trying to get dressed. He knows there is insufficient space for me to evade him!

He brings me dead and alive trophies. And when I try to take them from him, he juggles them up in the air. I have to spray him with the hose to get him to drop the 'trophies'.

Next door's cat is obsessed with a glittery Anna and Elsa sticker that is stuck on our French door. He often comes to visit us, but sometimes all he wants to do is sit and stare at the sticker. Last night we were going to bed and there he was, sat outside, staring at the sticker.

My cat wakes me up for breakfast at 5am by standing on my face and putting his paws in my mouth

Mine is pretty docile and non attacking but he often wants to sit in the most inconvenient place possible.

If I am in the kitchen he will sit directly at the base of the dishwasher so that I can't open it properly. If I am in my office which is also the spare room with really comfy bed and chair, he wants to sit in a six inch square on my desk.

He constantly sleeps on the kitchen table at night so it has to be cleaned and antibac wiped every morning.

If you leave a jacket or jumper anywhere he will detect it from wherever he is in the house and immediately come and sleep on it so it is covered in hair.

Whines constantly from about 6am for food. Constant non stop whining and miaowing until we get up. It’s impossible to ignore. I’m looking at getting a timed feeder 🤦‍♀️

Mine loafs across the stairs and refuses to budge so that you have to step over him to get downstairs. However as you take a step he then launches him in front of your feet so you nearly die every time you come downstairs. That’s a fun game.

Other DCat likes to drop her favourite toy - a piece of plastic wrapped wire - into my shoe. It’s small enough that I don’t notice until I’m walking, by which point I can’t be arsed unlace them so I end up scrunching my toes up to make room for it.

What does your Dcat do to drive you insane?

Jesus... how long have you got?

Scratches the mirror at 5am because he wants some fuss.
Follows me round the house demanding something, is offered everything, still no idea what he wants.
Refuses to do a wee or a poo without my presence. Has a specific meow for "I need a poo! Help!".
Ambushes delivery drivers for the boxes.
Attacks the postman through the letterbox (fortunately the postman has a soft spot for him).
Has to be walked on a harness for medical reasons... has to be carried home because his paws are tired/wet/cold/whatever.

etc.

Fortunately we love him to bits!

Miaows loudly and paws at the bathroom door while I’m in the bath. To the point where he sounds so distressed that I get out of the bath to open the door. Then he looks at me and walks away.

Happens every time. He’s such a lovable twat.

Shouts loudly round the house when he is looking for you. Tries to sit on my knee when I am on the toilet. Lurks in dark places the grab your leg as you go past. Constantly brings in very lively small rodents and lets them go while he sits and watches me try and catch them..sits on the lap top as soon as you try and start typing or peers into the camera during zoom calls...

Oh yes... refuses to drink from any water source other than the toilet.. but falls in quite regularly.. steals all bread products not locked away .. will open any wrapping or covering. Rummages through the bins so we have to lock them. Falls out of open windows but jumps into shut ones...

Other DCat is totally normal...

She mews at the patio doors to get into the conservatory but then when she's allowed she goes straight to the conservatory doors to go into the garden... Would therefore rather mew for 10 mins than walk into the kitchen and use her catflap! We don't always give in.
She'll also mew and scratch at the bathroom door if I've been in it too long... I think she thinks I'm trapped bless her!

Constantly drinks water from our glasses instead of his bowl (which is washed and refilled every night)

Avoids every blanket put out for him and sleeps on freshly washed/dried clothes

Eats my houseplants when they've just put out a new leaf

Squares up to other cats in the street so I need to go and rescue him

Brings mice home most evenings

Walks in front of my camera during work calls

Licks his bum right in front of me

Snores. So loudly

Lies in the muck so he can bring it back in to the house

Sunbathes on the neighbour's hydrangeas (which squashes and kills them)

We love him anyway 🐾

One of mine has anxiety so it shouts a lot if it can't see us. Even if it could just... walk to the room we're in, so he could see us.

The other is either needy OR furious and until you stroke her you have no idea which, which is fun when you don't know if you're going to get a very grumpy hiss and swipe or love eyes and a snuggle.

Both of them are horrendous food stealers. Love the little bastards.

Sits on my keyboard so she gets attention. Another accompanies me on zoom calls regularly. Meows to get out. Then meows to get back in. Sits at the top of the stairs or in doorways playing the I-am-a-trip-hazard game. Love them all to bits though..

@YesItsMeIDontCare

What does your Dcat do to drive you insane?

Jesus... how long have you got?

Scratches the mirror at 5am because he wants some fuss.
Follows me round the house demanding something, is offered everything, still no idea what he wants.
Refuses to do a wee or a poo without my presence. Has a specific meow for "I need a poo! Help!".
Ambushes delivery drivers for the boxes.
Attacks the postman through the letterbox (fortunately the postman has a soft spot for him).
Has to be walked on a harness for medical reasons... has to be carried home because his paws are tired/wet/cold/whatever.

etc.

Fortunately we love him to bits!

Oh my god ours does the mirror scratching too, it's SO annoying.

Pisses all over a bath mat instead of in a litter tray.

Stupid little dickhead.

ALWAYS!!! being on the wrong side of a closed door....

This ones insane although likely its just me!
Sometimes really early in the morning (think 5/6am) i would be sleeping soundly then slowly begin to feel uncomfortable? A really strange feeling as if i couldn't settle and had to get up which would get stronger and stronger. Anyway every time this happened i would get up open the bedroom door and my elderly cat would be sat really close to it just staring, no noise or anything. After a while when it happened and i woke up i actually used to say to my husband "theres the cat sending me subliminal messages wanting me up!" I was always correct as the cat would be there waiting to be fed/let out. It never happened if the cat was out or got shut in another room then i would get a lie in.
Sadly my cat passed away a year ago and it never happened again? I'm a very logical no nonsense person but this was very strange and really did make me wonder did she have the ability to communicate?

Regularly tries to kill us by getting between our feet ninja style whether we're on a flat floor or stairs, leading to us going downstairs like 80 year old crabs holding onto bannisters and wall for grim death.

Then accuses us of abuse if our feet touch her accidentally while we're pirouetting around searching for stability.

And zoomies, Bast almighty, the bloody Zoomies!!!!