To be annoyed that we have to have SC

[miltonkeeyno]

Every week dp has his dd for a few hours in the week (as well as every weekend) she is currently off school self isolating as someone in her class was positive. Her mum doesn't have to isolate unless she shows signs.
Tomorrow we are due to have her over but i assumed because she was self isolating we weren't. DP rang her mum to ask and she said she is working so we are.

Is it all fine and nothing to worry about?

Or are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

Maybe i dont understand the rules and its ok but seems to me like self isolating means.... to self isolate...

*I love my dsd to bits and want her over as much as poss.

Im purely thinking of

1. My child getting covid
2. Us having to take time off work
3. Us getting covid *

People will selectively ignore this comment OP, sadly, in favour of "you clearly hate her".

He’s her dad. Of course he should help care for his daughter. You shouldn’t have chosen a partner with baggage if you didn’t want to have a SC

MN, where you're incredibly selfish, vile and killing everyone's granny if you break the slightest rule - except this one.

Self isolating children should not move between homes.

The fact her mum is trying to juggle work and childcare and he's her parent too are irrelevant really to the point of isolation which is to minimise transmission.

If she'd been at your house when the call came through she should have stayed there. We had it twice last year, one time they were with us the other time their mum it's just how it fell and we all did what we were supposed to do and stayed put!

So if she’d received the notification to isolate when she was at your house for the weekend, would you have been happy for her to stay and isolate at your house for 10 days?

I bet you wouldn’t and that you’d feel “screwed over” in that scenario (possibly with justification, but it still wouldn’t be a nice thing to say). That’s what has happened to the child’s mother though. Presumably she is having to cope with her DD being unexpectedly home all week. Your DH should definitely be facilitating her being able to go to work at the weekend when he expected to have the child, even if it means going round there to be with her.

@ZenNudist

It just means someone in her class had covid. We've had tonnes of that here. It doesn't mean there's cause for alarm. It's just a precaution and she will be fine at her dad's.

Or alternatively, the first time it happened to my DSS, someone testing positive in his class, he caught it. Now imagine if we'd also sent him off to his mum's house to not only infect us but also her, her husband, their other kids and so on.

It's nothing to do with disliking SC, it's a rule for a reason, they should isolate with the parent they were with at the time to reduce transmission like above.

People will selectively ignore this comment OP, sadly, in favour of "you clearly hate her

Nope. Not ignored it, its just clearly bullshit. "I lover her so much and want her over, its just that I care far more about my own kid, myself, and my family and my choice of words ie "Screwed OVER" shows my actual feelings to everyone. Oops"

@jellybellybanana

People will selectively ignore this comment OP, sadly, in favour of "you clearly hate her

Nope. Not ignored it, its just clearly bullshit. "I lover her so much and want her over, its just that I care far more about my own kid, myself, and my family and my choice of words ie "Screwed OVER" shows my actual feelings to everyone. Oops"

@PrattATatt

MN, where you're incredibly selfish, vile and killing everyone's granny if you break the slightest rule - except this one.

Self isolating children should not move between homes.

The fact her mum is trying to juggle work and childcare and he's her parent too are irrelevant really to the point of isolation which is to minimise transmission.

If she'd been at your house when the call came through she should have stayed there. We had it twice last year, one time they were with us the other time their mum it's just how it fell and we all did what we were supposed to do and stayed put!

Yep.

I thought they would just stay wherever it is when the instruction to isolate comes in. Unless it's impossible eg. One family is so ill they need the other to step in for safety. Is there any clear official guidance yet?

Is there any clear official guidance yet?

Yes there has been for a long time. That moving between two parents households isn't a reason to break isolation.

It's not about helping one parent with work or who does more of what and when. It's about ISOLATING a possible case of Coronavirus and not transmitting it round multiple households and then outward from there i.e. multiple workplaces, schools etc...

It happened twice to my DSC. One of the times they were with us and stayed with us. What would have been the point of potentially passing it over to their mum, her husband, their kids, who could then take it to their work, to their school etc...

@PandaFluff

I thought they would just stay wherever it is when the instruction to isolate comes in. Unless it's impossible eg. One family is so ill they need the other to step in for safety. Is there any clear official guidance yet?

Yes they're supposed to. My DD has missed out on contact weekends with her dad due to needing to isolate at home with me. It's the way it is.

That's what I thought and what we agreed would happen with my SC. The other family would make up the time once isolation was over. Maybe the government need to make this a lot clearer.

@miltonkeeyno
We have court ordered contact.
When self isolation has been needed for LOs, they have isolated in whichever parents care they were in that day....until the end of the isolation period. No going between parents to reduce the risk.
He has a new baby in the house. Fair enough. You know because we are not dicks 🤷‍♀️.

The risks are lowered if everyone just stays where they are....

Surely it's in the child's best interest to not move between homes and potentially infect both parents so that it reduces the chance of both parents dying.

[quote justanotherkid]@miltonkeeyno
We have court ordered contact.
When self isolation has been needed for LOs, they have isolated in whichever parents care they were in that day....until the end of the isolation period. No going between parents to reduce the risk.
He has a new baby in the house. Fair enough. You know because we are not dicks 🤷‍♀️.

The risks are lowered if everyone just stays where they are....[/quote]

Yes we've had this both ways around - my DD has stayed with us to isolate instead of going to her dads, and SCs have stayed with their mum instead of coming to us when they've needed to isolate.

As you say, just takes a bit of common sense and understanding on both sides.

@whatsontonight

I agree with op, if you are all working, why is mums work more important than you or your DP. Typical Mumsnet pile on

Isn't this because they would normally has sd at this time?

@HugeAckmansWife

OK well according to the rules she probably should stay put, but you sound extremely unpleasant. Her mother is balancing work and childcare. Are you going to cover any missed wages for her because you don't want to be 'screwed over' by having your stepchild? Are you offering to support them in any other way? Remotely help with home learning for instance? Bloody hell.

Wtf?? There was nothing remotely "extremely unpleasnt" about the OP and why on Earth should she be offering to home school them? How is that even relevant?

People seem so determined to turn these situations into Dad not wanting to parent his kids or step mum wanting to get rid of them that they don't see that it makes perfect sense that an isolating child who's been exposed to a case of Covid should not move between two houses.

I appreciate that it usually falls to mum's unfortunately because usually mum's are the RP and therefore more likely to have DC with them when the call comes through and that is shit. But there have been lots of shit things we've all had to deal with this year.

If it's now apparently fine to send a potentially positive case of Covid to multiple homes, with the potential to infect multiple people, schools and workplaces, then what the fuck have we been doing for the past year.

Of course a positive or potentially positive child should not move between houses. It's common sense.

It doesn't mean it's not hard or rubbish for the parent who isolates with them but it doesn't make it untrue either.

And 100% if DSD had been at OPs house when the call came, I'd expect the same from Dad.

asofanearyou have you read the tread or just my first comment? Saying you are being screwed over by doing regular contact is unpleasant. The op later clarified her position somewhat more but this was an extremely unfortunate way to start.

@PrattATatt
I agree. Why potentially kill both parents!?

I don't get what was so confusing about OPs use of screwed over. It seemed perfectly clear to me that she was talking about the potential to be infected with Covid.

Of course she can't come to your house if she is self isolating. She needs to stay in her own home.

@HugeAckmansWife

asofanearyou have you read the tread or just my first comment? Saying you are being screwed over by doing regular contact is unpleasant. The op later clarified her position somewhat more but this was an extremely unfortunate way to start.

Maybe if the people reading it are incredibly biased and likely to read negative connotations into anything, like you? She very obviously meant screwed over because of the Covid risk. You wanted to see it that way. And what about the nonsense about home schooling?

Screwed over! That’s her dad. She doesn’t have to isolate from him!

Why don’t he go and stay with his ex for a week so the child stays in one house, I imagine you don’t prefer that though?

Do you understand what isolate means Magnificent?