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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that we have to have SC

164 replies

miltonkeeyno · 23/03/2021 19:01

Every week dp has his dd for a few hours in the week (as well as every weekend) she is currently off school self isolating as someone in her class was positive. Her mum doesn't have to isolate unless she shows signs.
Tomorrow we are due to have her over but i assumed because she was self isolating we weren't. DP rang her mum to ask and she said she is working so we are.

Is it all fine and nothing to worry about?

Or are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

Maybe i dont understand the rules and its ok but seems to me like self isolating means.... to self isolate...

OP posts:
DimidDavilby · 23/03/2021 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/03/2021 19:23

If she was told she needed to isolate for ten days while she was with you at the weekend would you have sent her home to isolate so you didn't feel screwed over having her longer than your alloted time?

Chimeraforce · 23/03/2021 19:25

I'd be like you if I was a stepmother.
This is why I'll never be with a man with pre existing children

HeckyPeck · 23/03/2021 19:25

I’ve just looked at the governments website and isolating children are allowed to live between their parents homes. ‘Parents are told to exercise reasonable judgments regarding chance of infection and the presence of any vulnerable people in the home’.

Do you have a link as the guidance says otherwise.

Genuinely interested as my DSD had to isolate and she was with us and her mum said she could come back to hers until after the isolation period. She works for the NHS and sent us the guidance.

We were happy to have DSD anyway and we both WFH.

Hallyup5 · 23/03/2021 19:28

My daughter was sent home yesterday to isolate so I can empathise with her mum, you can't always just take time off work at the drop of a hat. You should let the child stay with her dad, as planned, unless she starts showing symptoms.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 23/03/2021 19:28

Round here if a child is told to isolate then they stay at the parents they're at when they get the notification. That's the safest option. Not sure what the actual rules are.

HeckyPeck · 23/03/2021 19:30

Round here if a child is told to isolate then they stay at the parents they're at when they get the notification. That's the safest option. Not sure what the actual rules are.

That's what the rules I can find say.

Howtomakeevery1 · 23/03/2021 19:32

I feel for your step daughter , screwed over, how welcoming .. , poor girl

MrsKingfisher · 23/03/2021 19:33

Hunker down op, step parents do not do well on here. Every step parent must love and care for their sdc regardless. You must put yourself last in every situation because those commenting who aren't step parents have no clue and are very blinkered.

Even if you adore your sdc because you used the phrase screwed over you must now leave your home and allow you sdc to live without you because you are an abusive step parent. Those poor children 🙄

HeckyPeck · 23/03/2021 19:34

Children are allowed to see their parents if they don't live together

The only information I can find on the gov website says that child contact between households is not an exception when you have to isolate.

grapewine · 23/03/2021 19:39

Or are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

Insanely unpleasant way to describe your DP looking after his daughter.

HugeAckmansWife · 23/03/2021 19:39

Mrskingfisher please stop it. This is not about bashing a step parent because they are a step parent. It's about calling out someone who clearly sees having their step child as an inconvenience and doing some kind of favour to the RP. Please tell me how that 'screwed over' comment should be otherwise interpreted.

PandaFluff · 23/03/2021 19:39

I can't believe we are a year into this and there is still no plain language crystal clear advice about this situation.

NeedaLittleNap · 23/03/2021 19:42

How does your DH get on with his ex? Is there another way you could help out (which is surely a reasonable expectation on "your day") in another way? Your DH going over to sit with her, or could she take time off unpaid and your DH give her the money she's losing.

It's not about anyone getting screwed over, it's how can your SD's parents best make sure she is looked after.

NeedaLittleNap · 23/03/2021 19:43

(sorry, too many "she"s. It made more sense in my head Grin )

gerbilfur · 23/03/2021 19:43

I have 1 ds and 2 dsc.

During the pandemic, Dss1 had to self isolate due to a positive test in his class.

We kept having dss2 during this time but dss1 stayed with his dm. No way should an isolated child be moving.

Similarly when ds showed covid symptoms he isolated with me, despite me having 50/50 with his dad. We also did not have the dss's over while ds was ill. Once he got a negative test it all went back to normal.

In times like this it's really important to follow the rules as much as possible. Does your dsds mum wfh?

Moondust001 · 23/03/2021 19:44

I think this is simple. Child stays with mum. OP pays the mums missed wages. Everyone is happy and nobody is screwed over.

I concur that OP sounds unpleasant, but the poor child's father doesn't sound like much of a catch either.

stuckinarutatwork · 23/03/2021 19:46

I think that separated families are considered a single household for isolation purposes, therefore she can move between her homes during self-isolation (assuming she can travel in a private car to do so and isn't going to be sitting on a train!).

Northofsomewhere · 23/03/2021 19:46

I think your attitude regarding the situation is absolutely awful - it comes across as though you don't want your dsc there at any time.

You need to think about what the options available actually are:

  1. The dsc mum takes 10 days off work at very short notice (potentially not for the first time in 12 months), possibly unpaid or using up any remaining holiday (unlikely at this time of year). Whilst this might be possible it would have a significant impact on both the mum and dsc.
  2. The child comes to you on your usual days and you (mainly husband, it's his child) offer child care as usual. This allows the mum to work as usual as she's entitled to as she doesn't have to self isolate.
  3. Your husband goes to the dsc and offers child care from his ex's home. This has less impact on you, the child and his ex.

I completely understand it's not a nice situation to be put in but considering your ongoing arrangement and the potential financial impact on his ex and dsc I think the child care needs to be offered in some way.

KoalaLlama · 23/03/2021 19:46

I think OP that by ‘screwing us over’ OP means ‘potentially exposing us to Covid’ not ‘requiring us to provide childcare’. But let’s not let a little common sense stop us from casting a woman in the role of wicked stepmother, eh...

MrsKingfisher · 23/03/2021 19:51

@HugeAckmansWife

Mrskingfisher please stop it. This is not about bashing a step parent because they are a step parent. It's about calling out someone who clearly sees having their step child as an inconvenience and doing some kind of favour to the RP. Please tell me how that 'screwed over' comment should be otherwise interpreted.

Sometimes having a step child at home is an inconvenience, they aren't all innocent little darlings and step parents should feel free to express that on an anonymous forum without being vilified.

You might love your children and quite rightly, but that doesn't mean you should love them when they're not yours.

Also please don't tell me to stop it, I'm not 5 you don't know me, you're just another faceless person on MN.

jessstan2 · 23/03/2021 19:52

@Aquamarine1029

Your partner is a parent. Screwed over? FFS. Do everyone a favour and find a man without children.
Yes.
jimmyjammy001 · 23/03/2021 19:53

Unfortunately you've decided to get into a relationship with a bloke with children so this is now your problem as well and allways will be in future, I personally would of said not my children not my problem, but then again I wouldn't of got myself into the situation that you are currently in, you will have to just accept what ever your SC mum says whether you like it or not.

Aprilx · 23/03/2021 19:56

Children do not have to self isolate from their own parents. You are being ridiculous!

P999 · 23/03/2021 19:57

Why not just get her tested?

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