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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that we have to have SC

164 replies

miltonkeeyno · 23/03/2021 19:01

Every week dp has his dd for a few hours in the week (as well as every weekend) she is currently off school self isolating as someone in her class was positive. Her mum doesn't have to isolate unless she shows signs.
Tomorrow we are due to have her over but i assumed because she was self isolating we weren't. DP rang her mum to ask and she said she is working so we are.

Is it all fine and nothing to worry about?

Or are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

Maybe i dont understand the rules and its ok but seems to me like self isolating means.... to self isolate...

OP posts:
JustDespair · 23/03/2021 19:59

I don't think the pile on is necessary.

To me it doesn't read as if though she doesn't want the kid to come at all. She feels like they're being screwed over because they now have to be exposed to a deadly virus as well because of the mum's job.
It's fine for her to feel like that. If I wasn't married to DS dad and DS had been exposed while at his dad's I would be quite peed off if his dad then decided to send DS back to me to possibly share the virus. And if I was a step mum and SC was exposed while at ours, I wouldn't send him or her back to the mum's unless the mum insisted.

We need to stop sharing this virus around. Remember that Boris Johnson has said that our roadmap out is completely dependant on how the numbers are looking and he will pull the brakes if he has to.

HeckyPeck · 23/03/2021 19:59

I think that separated families are considered a single household for isolation purposes, therefore she can move between her homes during self-isolation

The guidance I can find on gov.uk says moving between homes isn't an exception when the child is isolating.

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-8901/

HugeAckmansWife · 23/03/2021 20:00

Mrskingfisher I said please. We're all anonymous and can respond as we chose. By 'calling out' the anti step parent vibe you undermine the valid criticism the op has received about this specific situation.
To the pp who said 'screwed over' refers to 'exposing us to Covid', I don't believe that for a second, that's just not how you would phrase it.

hayjam · 23/03/2021 20:00

I kind of understand where your coming from. My ex's partner is awaiting test results for possible covid, my boys should of gone there tonight but we decided it's best they stay at mine until they get the results.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 23/03/2021 20:00

@HeckyPeck link to the guidance (download full report link)

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-8901/

To be annoyed that we have to have SC
ZenNudist · 23/03/2021 20:02

It just means someone in her class had covid. We've had tonnes of that here. It doesn't mean there's cause for alarm. It's just a precaution and she will be fine at her dad's.

HugeAckmansWife · 23/03/2021 20:03

But the mum needs to work, she's not off out to the pub. As the RP it's quite likely she's had significant disruption this year. I like the suggestion that the dad visits and takes on some of the childcare and homeschooling.

jellybellybanana · 23/03/2021 20:04

OP some people on Mumsnet are not very kind to step parent

And step parents can be very unkind to/about SC. Like OP: "are we getting screwed over..."

Vile.

HeckyPeck · 23/03/2021 20:06

[quote Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin]@HeckyPeck link to the guidance (download full report link)

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-8901/[/quote]
Thanks! That's what I had read too.

I wondered if there was something else from what people were saying.

RedGoldAndGreene · 23/03/2021 20:07

Explain what you mean by "screwed over". Are you or him CEV or something ? I wouldn't use screwed over even if that were the case.

Mum is right about the rules. She can work unless dd develops symptoms and Dad can pick her up and take her to his. Having divorced parents is an exception to the rules. It's obviously less risky if she stays at home and your partner stays at his ex's house but that's often not possible.

Aprilx · 23/03/2021 20:08

@KoalaLlama

I think OP that by ‘screwing us over’ OP means ‘potentially exposing us to Covid’ not ‘requiring us to provide childcare’. But let’s not let a little common sense stop us from casting a woman in the role of wicked stepmother, eh...
How is it being screwed over though? Is it only mothers or resident parents that have to risk being exposed to covid? Whereas an exposed dad is being “screwed over” if he has to shoulder any of the responsibility?

OP should not be with someone that has children considering her attitude to this poor child.

EnoughnowIthink · 23/03/2021 20:14

are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

What if she didn’t work? Presumably you would have something derogatory to say about that?

Did mum shoulder the burden of lockdown childcare?

saraclara · 23/03/2021 20:14

I normally dislike the knee-jerk reaction to step-parent complaints, but in this case I think it's justified.

OP, the mother isn't trying to get you to have the child because she wants a break or has plans. The child clearly comes to you at the weekend because your DP's ex actually goes to work then.

Your DP is as much responsible for their child as she is, and your SC is allowed to move houses while isolated.

You are not being screwed over. The mother has to go to work, and as in any other parenting relationship, your DP has to step up. It's not even as though he doesn't normally have the child at the weekend. It's a normal weekend access, and it doesn't have to stop because the child is isolating.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 23/03/2021 20:16

Another one thinking that you're just looking for excuses to avoid your SC and for your partner to evade his responsibilities. Grow up and take responsibility for your decisions.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 23/03/2021 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 23/03/2021 20:20

When the DC and I had to SI back last April my ex's wife was heavily pregnant so the DC didn't go to them. Their Dad did all our shopping and delivered it to us and then had them for a full week after the SI period was over. Could your DP offer something similar as support if he really can't bear to have his unsymptomatic child over for a few hours.

RedGoldAndGreene · 23/03/2021 20:21

are we getting screwed over because she has to work?

Do you work in order to screw over the mum? Of course not. You work to pay for shit. Mum isn't working in order to screw you over ffs. She has to pay for her shit.

As an aside surely your partner doesn't feel screwed over? Isn't he happy to see her?

lunar1 · 23/03/2021 20:24

I honestly think children should stay in whichever home they get notified in. There is no point potentially exposing more people than necessary.

MrsKingfisher · 23/03/2021 20:29

The op I'm pretty sure won't come back, why can't people just answer the question and save their judgement. None of us are perfect, the op feels how she feels we don't know why but I'm guessing it's probably not because she hates her sc.

KoalaLlama · 23/03/2021 20:30

How is it being screwed over though? Is it only mothers or resident parents that have to risk being exposed to covid? Whereas an exposed dad is being “screwed over” if he has to shoulder any of the responsibility?

Get a grip. It’s not about mothers v fathers, it’s about the household the child was in when they were exposed. Whichever household they were in when the exposure occurred, they are meant to stay in that household so as to avoid spreading the virus any further than it needs to be.

JosieJarker · 23/03/2021 20:34

If your dp had picked the child up from school on a friday and got notified over the weekend, would you be offering to keep her with you for 10 days?
If not yabu.
Mum needs to work, dad needs to look after his child.

Original poster
miltonkeeyno · 23/03/2021 20:42

Im a parent too so its more about my childs safety rather than me not caring about her which obviously i do. Its more about the mum in this scenario, why is it ok to risk my child so she can work.

Me and dp work too. Her dp works as well, you just figure it out

OP posts:
Original poster
miltonkeeyno · 23/03/2021 20:44

[quote HeckyPeck]"However, with an increase in the use of track and trace and also testing, the latest report goes one step further and addresses the position in respect of children who are self-isolating. Parents are placed under an obligation under government regulations to ensure, so far as reasonably practicable, that any child who has had close contact with somebody who has tested positive for Coronavirus self-isolates for 10 days. The regulations require that anyone subject to the self-isolation requirement must not leave their home with immediate effect (save for specified exceptions such as to seek medical assistance). In contrast to the exception to the “stay at home” requirement outlined above, visiting a parent with whom the child does not usually live with is not listed as a reason why a person self-isolating may leave the house. That, of course, then impacts on any agreed arrangements (whether they are court-ordered or not)."

parissmith.co.uk/blog/child-arrangements-self-isolation/[/quote]
Really useful thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
miltonkeeyno · 23/03/2021 20:46

Lol wow people are latching on to what they want on this thread.

OP posts:
TeaAndBrie · 23/03/2021 20:49

If she goes to your house every weekend then she’s likely to have been contagious during that time anyway if she had been exposed to the virus. If she’s not secondary school and self testing then as parents you can apply for testing kits that you complete I you’re concerned

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