AIBU to not allow my 9yo to the park on her own

[Inkdrinker]

I completely understand that at some point children need some independence, right across the road from our house is a park. The park is normally quite a busy and popular park where all of my 9yo friends frequently visit. My 9yo is adament she wants to go to the park on her own, I feel she's too young and it's too dangerous.

Pros to letting her go

• independence
• she may see her friends
• can see the park from out of my window
• she's good at crossing roads
• she knows the stranger danger and not to go with anyone even if I know them unless I've said so.

Cons

• she's very sensitive and the kids can be mean over there
• she's only 9, still very young
• The road is just off a main road and can be busy
• I can't watch out the window 24/7

Wwyd?

Let her go to the park.

I would let her go but start her off small. So yes you can go for 30 minutes on Saturday afternoon.
Talk to her about potential dangers and make sure she comes back if she feels insecure or worried.
For the first few times she does it as you are setting time limits do it at a time when you can sit by the window and keep an eye on her.

Well, I think I'm overprotective however if I could see the park from my window I'd let her go.
I'd probably allow her to go for half an hour in the first instance and build it up and I'd probably spend too much time at the window but I do think it will do her good.

I let my 9yo go to the park by herself to meet a friend. Unless you’re going to drip something that makes it more risky than average, I think you’re BU not to let her - it’s these little bits of independence that give the foundation for things like independent travel to senior school in a few years.

I think nine is too young. My DD is eight next week and I can't believe I would let her across a busy road out of sight in just 12 months after that.

YABU especially if it’s just across the road and visible from your window.

Let her go to the park. 9 is definitely old enough to go to a park you can see from your house!

Can’t see why she shouldn’t go myself :-)

Is she meeting a friend there?
If worried about the road could you walk her across it without going into the park with her
Does she have a phone

I think it’s too young. My dd started going out on her own with walking to school (5-10 mins walk) when she was 11.

My DD has just turned 9 and is desperate to do things like this too and I’m similarly torn! In our case the park (and school, and the nearest shop, which she’s also pestering to be allowed to go to solo) are all a five to ten minute walk away, mostly through a quiet village, but all involving crossing a relatively busy road with no pedestrian crossing and a blind corner! So at the moment it’s a flat no, but I’ll have to let her start building up some independence some time... In your case though OP, if I could literally watch from the window, I’d let her.

YANBU. You know your DD better than any random stranger on Mumsnet who has never met her. If your gut feeling is that she's too young, or that it's too risky for whatever reason, stay faithful to that.

Let her go to the park. She’s nine. What age do you think she will be allowed to go? How do you know the kids can be mean?

Mind you I let my seven year old out to play with other kids in our street, and she’s learned to be sensible about not going far, sticking with friends and behaving.

YANBU at all

By that age I was walking to school/ getting buses by myself. At some point you do need to let go a little. If it's literally across the road I think saying no is a bit extreme.

Nope, I wouldn't but I'm usually told I'm overprotective. There was a recent attempted abduction of a 12 year old girl walking to same school as DD. It's just not worth it. If adult women aren't safe out on their own then neither are children.

I let my 9 year old ds start going recently but it was with his friend who is 10 and 2 school years older. It’s about a 5 minute walk from home and he knows it really well. He’s a sensible kid and good at crossing the road etc. Not sure if let my current 6 year old dd do the same though at 9 as she is a lot more flighty. We have recently got him a watch that has gps on it and means we can see where he is and call him and he can call us. He’s really happy with this.

Depends on your area. Not a chance in hell would I let my DS to our local park on his own at age 9, after a video circulated social media of some hideous bullying going on there with children being forced to lick bullies shoes.

Over the road? Perfect to start letting her go for controlled amounts of time. Set some ground rules and responsibility for herself.

16:53Iooselipssinkships
Have you ever considered that these cases only get reported because people are horrified by it? It is still a vanishingly small risk. Don't be controlled by selective reporting.

I've just let her go over, I helped her cross the road and some of her friends are there. I haven't left the window since 😂 I'm so unprepared for her to be growing this quick, she still seems like a baby to me.

She doesn't have a phone but I may get her a cheap one so she can call me in an emergency.

I wouldn't because I worked in a neuro rehab team and almost all our under 12 year old clients were children who were hit by a car crossing the road not falling off the swings etc.

@Iooselipssinkships

Nope, I wouldn't but I'm usually told I'm overprotective. There was a recent attempted abduction of a 12 year old girl walking to same school as DD. It's just not worth it. If adult women aren't safe out on their own then neither are children.

By that logic, are you never going to let them go anywhere unaccompanied?

I wouldn’t let my 9yo we live by quite a rough estate, recently had a teenager die at the park after a drug overdose.

I wouldn’t let my 9 year old, but he has ASD and isn’t ‘streetwise’ at all.

I asked him what he would do if he had to walk home on his own from school and no one was in, he said he would wait in the doorstep - even though my parents live in the next street 😬