AIBU to not allow my 9yo to the park on her own

[Inkdrinker]

I completely understand that at some point children need some independence, right across the road from our house is a park. The park is normally quite a busy and popular park where all of my 9yo friends frequently visit. My 9yo is adament she wants to go to the park on her own, I feel she's too young and it's too dangerous.

Pros to letting her go

• independence
• she may see her friends
• can see the park from out of my window
• she's good at crossing roads
• she knows the stranger danger and not to go with anyone even if I know them unless I've said so.

Cons

• she's very sensitive and the kids can be mean over there
• she's only 9, still very young
• The road is just off a main road and can be busy
• I can't watch out the window 24/7

Wwyd?

Very difficult for people of a certain age to answer. I went on a train on my own to the other side of the country when I was 9 and had to change at Birmingham New Street! My DC both went to the park on their own at the age of 9. My DW was always more cautious than me.

My mum used to send me round to the shop for her and to walk the dog on my own age 7 plus. She taught me the strange danger stuff and I knew to stay in sight of other people. Told to speak to an old lady or go in a shop if I was worried and they could call home. She was 18 when she had me so just treated me as she had been brought up(I was born in the 80s). Whilst I would never say her parenting was a good example for various other reasons I do think she did me a favour here. I was certainly a lot more prepared for independent life and uni than my "better brought up" uni peers.

Yes there are dangers but best to learn road safety and how to keep safe as young as possible surely? There will always be dangers particularly for women. I would send my chn to play in the park visible from our house from 8 years if they were meeting friends. Set rules, if not back by a certain time then privilege lost for a v.long time. Send with a phone if you're really worried??

I would say the amount of freedom definitely depends on your area though.

Park visible from the house is quite a different story and not the case for most people surely.

Similarly a nice park. Lots of estates just have some swings somewhere between houses where older teens hang out and might not be who you want to mix with.

Def a case of dont assume your situation is the same for everyone!

Mine has just started to go with friend(s) now. But the road is pretty safe, and it’s a rural village so she knows people in some of the nearby houses and often will know other older kids/teens in the park. I made sure she knew what to do if there was a problem (injuries, people making her feel unsafe, etc), and understands that she’s being trusted.
I feel it’s important to ease them into more independence, ability to risk assess and solve problems, and this is a pretty safe environment to start off in. And feeling like they are trusted to be capable is important for their confidence.

@SavingsQuestions completely agree. I was let out to do that stuff in a very rough area which I wouldn't do with my own DCs until they were teens probably!!!! I live in a nicer area in that there aren't rowdy teens everywhere but dangers aren't always obvious so.....

Having said that if the park was visible I would still try at a time when it was empty of teens and watch from the window if I felt they would benefit from that exposure. Even in rough areas they need to gain some independence as they near secondary age unless you will be driving them? I do think little and often is better than all at once age 11.

Nine years old is far too young to go out alone.

I agree as to little and often but it would be a bit unusual to do that at 9 here. Or for most people whose parks aren't visible from the house I imagine - that's quite a unique set up.

Walking a few blocks to a park where you might pass a drunk person in an underpass and there might be teens dealing in the park isn't just for "rough inner city" areas.

Again a small village where you know the beautifully behaved teens is different again!

It's difficult to judge because it's so area dependent. I live in a small town where most kids start making their own way to and from school towards the end of P3/start of P4, which I think it just slightly younger than your daughter. From what you've said, I think you did the right thing in letting her go.

Depends on the child, I think.

My oldest was at the park herself the summer just before she turned 7.

My youngest, who is 7 soon, isn't allowed to go herself. Mainly because, while she always stops at a road she doesn't always look both ways so I don't trust her to get there and back herself.

But I think at 9, and especially because the park is in sight, you really need to let her go. My one was being sent to the corner shop for milk at age 9. But then I was raised in an area where kids were chucked out and stayed out until it got dark, and it's still like that to an extent. I was also taking the bus to school daily with my younger brother when I was 10 (I'm 28 now, so it's not like it was the seventies and "different times").

I think independence and resilience is really important for children. You could really notice the difference in high school between the kids who played out and the kids who weren't allowed.

Hmm. I guess you could here but for opposite reasons to those you're suggesting! You'd be considered to be rather lax/negligent to be letting 9 year olds play out at 9 here so yes their group might be noticible when older but probably not for the right reasons!

I’d take her over and pick her up if I could see her from my house. But I think 9 is v young. We didn’t do any training until a few months before secondary and they are fully independent teens who have got themselves around on public transport etc for years.

OP does say the park is visible...... and I don't live in a village, small town with the usual teens. Teens aren't always at the park though so would still pick a best time and watch closely.

It's a quite a personal decision and I think OP won't go far wrong as long as they go somewhere in the middle in terms of allowing freedom as children get older. If the park isn't suitable I'm sure other ways can be found to develop independence.

I wouldn’t let her.

As a young girl in the 1990s my DM was a bit overprotective and wouldn’t let me go to the park alone with friends at that age, or on the bus to the next town with friends until I was about 12/13.

Now I think she was right- too many risks. You only need one flasher or older boy/man with a dangerous agenda and you’ve got a potentially life-ruining situation on your hands.

I’ll be trying to prevent it for as long as possible, without smothering DS or leaving him not knowing how to be out and about by himself when he’s older. It’s a hard balance to strike.