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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my 9yo to the park on her own

113 replies

Inkdrinker · 23/03/2021 16:28

I completely understand that at some point children need some independence, right across the road from our house is a park. The park is normally quite a busy and popular park where all of my 9yo friends frequently visit. My 9yo is adament she wants to go to the park on her own, I feel she's too young and it's too dangerous.

Pros to letting her go

  • independence
  • she may see her friends
  • can see the park from out of my window
  • she's good at crossing roads
  • she knows the stranger danger and not to go with anyone even if I know them unless I've said so.

Cons

  • she's very sensitive and the kids can be mean over there
  • she's only 9, still very young
  • The road is just off a main road and can be busy
  • I can't watch out the window 24/7

Wwyd?

OP posts:
earthyfire · 23/03/2021 17:13

I wouldn't. My dd is 11 and I've only just started allowing her to walk half way to school. She isn't allowed to the park alone, perhaps if she had local friends she could go with but even then I'd worry.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/03/2021 17:17

My 8&9yos go by themselves. But...

  • there's two of them
  • no roads
  • it's a secure Army camp, with cameras, guards etc that random people cannot access
  • I can just about see it.

I can't answer on whether it's safe for your to do so. My eldest us very reserved, and although some of the other children are a lot louder and wilder they are never mean.

DancesWithCatsnDogs · 23/03/2021 17:18

My DS12 and a couple of his mates have only just started going over the park by themselves. It's 5 mins from our house. I wouldn't let him go further afield. I am very anxious though because he has ASD and is anxious himself, lacks judgement etc. I was really touched one day when his mate rang me and asked permission for my DS to stay out a bit longer - total respect, lovely lad.

Cas112 · 23/03/2021 17:21

I was allowed to do such things from such age but my younger sister (by 10 years) wasn't, I've since asked my mum why and she said it was just what she went with from her gut! I've always been streetwise, my sister a little more naïve. Go with your gut! I personally think you should allow her and start building up her independence see how it goes a couple of times and go from there with what you are both comfortable with and what her boundaries are.

Wilkolampshade · 23/03/2021 17:25

. Well I voted YABU but then remembered I went to school on my own from the age of 6 on the tube - I might have slightly skewed perameters....

romany4 · 23/03/2021 17:26

My kids were going to the park at 8 with friends
BUT it was a quiet country village.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 17:26

I wouldn't let her go and wander around looking for her friends, but I would let her go with a friend, if the friend was sensible.

RaindropsSplashRainbows · 23/03/2021 17:27

It's area dependant but mine went on their own.

RaindropsSplashRainbows · 23/03/2021 17:28

Area dependent.

drspouse · 23/03/2021 17:29

I voted YABU though I would not let my 9 year old go to the park on his own but he has SEN and the other 9 year olds I know would be OK. We also live directly opposite a park we can see into from our front door.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 23/03/2021 17:29

Nope definitely not . Over the past year I’ve seen 4 children fall from equipment in playground. All ended up with broken bones, all without an adult and all showing off in front of friends!
I would however let her go to the park , to chat with Friends

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 23/03/2021 17:33

My 10yo (year 5) walks 25 minutes to and from school with her friends every day and is super independent. We use Family Link to track her phone. When it's allowed, she meets a friend or two in the park (5 minutes away) every opportunity she gets. We live in a quiet village, though. It depends on where you live, and how confident your child is.

Mintjulia · 23/03/2021 17:34

Gosh, this is interesting. My DS is 12 and I've only just started letting him go to the corner shop on his own.

Maybe I should relax a bit.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 23/03/2021 17:49

My DD8 almost 9goes to the park down the road with a friend. Never alone hoping to see someone she knew though.
She also comes home from school alone too.
If you can see the park I'd let her go.

trizzler69 · 23/03/2021 17:52

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AmelieTaylor · 23/03/2021 18:32

I bet she's come home SO pleased with herself!

As long as the area is pretty decent I would definitely let her go to a park across the road. (You've already said she's good crossing the road).

Kids need to be encouraged to be outside playing at the park, roller skating, riding bikes etc with their friends, not with parents hovering over them.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 23/03/2021 18:37

@Mintjulia

Gosh, this is interesting. My DS is 12 and I've only just started letting him go to the corner shop on his own.

Maybe I should relax a bit.

Does he not walk to school on his own?

I would expect a 12yo to be able to catch a train/bus and spend a few hours in town unaccompanied.

Confrontayshunme · 23/03/2021 18:42

I let my 9yo DD go, but she is capable of crossing the street safely and would come home if she had any worries. She is only allowed to go if a friend is there and comes home when the friend leaves, usually 30mins to an hour.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 23/03/2021 18:53

What helped me deal with these sorts of concerns and potential to mollycoddle, was the realisation that I would always be worried about my daughter even when she is an adult out on her own!

Riapia · 23/03/2021 19:05

@Flittingaboutagain

I wouldn't because I worked in a neuro rehab team and almost all our under 12 year old clients were children who were hit by a car crossing the road not falling off the swings etc.
OP take notice, your DD is almost certain to be hit by a car while crossing the road.
crystalcherry87 · 23/03/2021 19:20

My eldest started going at 11 with friends. I think 9 is possibly too young depending on what she is like personally. One of my kids is 7 and I will not be letting her go alone in just under 2 years time. If you can see the park from your window then I think that's different, but I wouldn't be letting a 9 year old off by herself where I couldn't see her.

YukoandHiro · 23/03/2021 19:47

Depends where you live I think. I played out alone at that age, but I lived in a hyper rural area, very safe. We live in London. No way my DDs will be in the parks alone at 9.

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 23/03/2021 20:08

My local primary encourages all children to walk, alone, to and from school from beginning of year 5, which is 9-10 in age? Seriously, let her go to the park. It will be so good for you both, do it in baby steps. Half an hour, maybe get her a cheap phone only phone. She will be so so proud of herself if she manages it well.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/03/2021 20:14

At age 10 I was allowed to walk into the town centre of my small suburban town to the shops with my friend. It was a 20 minute walk that involved crossing several roads. It was really not unusual where I lived (south west England, 90s) for this to be the norm.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 23/03/2021 20:14

Depends on your kid. DD1 was allowed to go to the corner shop alone at 8, in London. Now 11 and gets two buses alone to secondary school in a different part of the city. It’s been really good for her.

DD2 is 8 and I cannot imagine her leaving the house alone ever- she has the street smarts of a fruit fly.