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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you pay this for a wedding/hen?

113 replies

Itsasin1981 · 23/03/2021 09:37

Wedding:
£120 per person for 2 nights' accommodation in a guest house.
£90 return train ticket.
£80 towards bridesmaid dresses (requested by the bride that we split the cost of it)
Then the cost of the present, drinks etc.
The wedding was located in a stately home in a very remote location and this was the closest hotel.

Hen party:

£250 all in all for one night away including transport, accomodation, activities and so on.

Not sure why these things are so expensive? Payment in installments was offered and it was suggested that we save towards it each month.

I wouldn't dream of asking people to spend that much money because I'm getting married. Especially as some people will feel like they can't say no.

OP posts:
LibertyWX · 23/03/2021 09:39

The cheek of some people. It'd be a no from me!

Shoxfordian · 23/03/2021 09:42

It wouldn’t be an issue for me if I was good friends with the bride

AllTheCakes · 23/03/2021 09:43

I would pay it if it was a close friend as I can afford it, but many people can’t afford that sort of money for weddings and hens. I think when a bride is arranging they need to consider their friends circumstances and accept if people can’t afford to join.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 23/03/2021 09:44

No. Bin the whole thing and you can pay for a weekend away when it's safe!

Notquitesureaboutthis · 23/03/2021 09:44

Only if this was my dearest friend's wedding and I had enough notice and wasn't in any financial difficulty.

Anyone else would be a straight up no regardless of finance.

ThePricklySheep · 23/03/2021 09:45

Before I had children, and if it was with my best friends, then yes. It depends on whether you can/want to spend the money.

AgentProvocateur · 23/03/2021 09:46

I would happily pay that for a good friend’s wedding, but I know that my friends would arrange their wedding/hen nights with their family and friends’ financial situation in mind.

FuckyouCovid21 · 23/03/2021 09:46

If she's chosen the BM dresses then she should pay IMO.

What are the activities for the hen party and does that include drink, food etc.?

It doesn't sound too excessive compared to others I've seen posted about on here but depends what that £250 includes

Insomnia5 · 23/03/2021 09:47

Fuck no. Wouldn’t pay that much out of principle, even if I could afford it. £550 before you’ve in factored in wedding presents, hair/make up/accessories/hen party outfit, potential babysitter etc is an absolute pisstake

PandaFluff · 23/03/2021 09:48

I would if it was a close friend, apart from the bridesmaids dress. I'm a firm believer that the couple should pay for that, they should budget for the wedding they want within their means.

Hen party is pricey but as long as bride makes clear she understands if people can't go and maybe has a smaller meal out or something it doesn't seem unreasonable.

Insomnia5 · 23/03/2021 09:49

Is food and drink even included?

AnaofBroceliande · 23/03/2021 09:49

No, no I wouldn't pay that. For any of it. Fucking cheeky to tell people they can pay in installments.

PandaFluff · 23/03/2021 09:49

I wouldn't feel obliged to give a present if I'd spent that much though

Cocolapew · 23/03/2021 09:50

No

merrymouse · 23/03/2021 09:50

It doesn’t matter what we would pay.

If somebody is asking you to be a bridesmaid they should know you well enough to know what you can pay.

However, as you have asked, I think those costs are reasonable if this is a very close friend and this kind of expenditure is unusual.

If you are going to spend the next couple of years facing this kind of expenditure every other month as all your friends get married, it isn’t reasonable.

Easterbunnygettingready · 23/03/2021 09:51

I would be having a cough those week ends..

GU24Mum · 23/03/2021 09:52

If I could afford it I'd pay that for the wedding but make it clear that you're happy to pay for the bridesmaids dress "as your wedding present from me".

Unless you have lots of spare money and time, I'd say you can't do the hen night too but are looking forward to the wedding. If the bride is sniffy about you missing the hen, that tells you everything and your can miss both!

Meowchickameowmeow · 23/03/2021 09:52

I think hen dos and there associated activities are the most cringe worthy things to attend so no I wouldn't pay to attend that. I'd also have no qualms about saying no.

Original poster
Itsasin1981 · 23/03/2021 09:53

I was on minimum wage but everybody else on over 26/27k plus. One dropped out as her son was ill but literally everybody else went.
I paid them but in the future I will be firmer and say no.

OP posts:
seensome · 23/03/2021 09:53

Only for a bf or sister, I wouldn't be too happy about paying towards bridesmaids dresses, they should pay what they can afford. You don't have to go to the hen party, just say you can't go to it.

AnaofBroceliande · 23/03/2021 09:55

And suggesting people save to indulge others for their wedding. Double no.

MeepleMe · 23/03/2021 09:55

I think the accomodation, travel, hen party costs are reasonable, I have and would pay that for a friend's wedding. Those kind of events are pretty standard in my experience.
However paying for bridesmaid dresses is absolutely not on all, that's a major faux pas. If the bride and groom can't afford it, they need to limit the wedding party numbers. Equally if she wants you to wear specific shoes/jewellery/bag, she has to pay for it, otherwise you wear your own that you already have or choose your own style you know you'll wear again. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses!

Hankunamatata · 23/03/2021 09:55

Depends if I could afford it. At the moment no as money is tight and kids come first. If had more money then yes

nokidshere · 23/03/2021 09:55

No. Not for anyone, even a best friend or a sister.

PandaFluff · 23/03/2021 09:56

Yes if you can't afford it you need to say so, or they won't know. If someone gets funny with you about it then they aren't a friend.